Lawyer Fashionista: It’s Not Just Your Sneakers

For new readers, I occasionally write about pressing sartorial issues because of my renown knowledge of legal fashion, from haute couture to the latest in Nikes.  While my concerns are usually limited to lawyer attire, it would be irresponsible of me to ignore my responsibility as a counselor and the needs of potential clients.  To this end, I note Jonathan Turley’s post.

Columbus police have a video showing a man who failed in a bank robbery effort when he tripped over his baggy pants.

The baggy gunman entered the bank in the afternoon and assaulted two employees before fleeing with money. However, his baggy pants tripped him up and then the dye pack went off in the money. He proceeded to drop the bag and flee (as best he could) in his baggy pants.

The intersection of form and function has long been a problem for bank robbers.  Even Clyde Barrow struggled with what tie to wear, necessitating his partnership with Bonnie Parker.  But whereas that was merely a matter of taste, this fellow clearly succeeded in the splendor department.

The suspect takes cash from the bank.

Note the coordinating hat, bandana and jacket, demonstrating a great deal of thought on the part of this fellow, not to mention (and this will likely be missed by those of you who are not as astute as I) that the solid red field of his jacket looks spectacular on video.  Strips or checks would have caused some distortion, making in quite difficult to appreciate the thought that went into the selection of this outfit.

But then we have this:

Sagging pants impede his getaway.

Whatever was he thinking?  You can’t even SEE his sneakers, and I would bet money they are top of the line Nikes, probably with the red and brown swoosh that perfectly matches both his outfit and his semi-automatic weapon (just guessing on this one).

There is no question but that I support a young man’s right to wear his trousers in whatever fashion best suits his desire to express his personal sense of style.  He can look as stupid as he wants to look.  But there’s a big difference between selecting a style that mimics the manner of dress predominant in prison for lack of a belt and a decent tailor, and putting form ahead of function at those time when you’ve got someplace else to be.

And yes, those pants make his butt look fat.  And he can’t get away, either.

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