There are few occupations that have a greater impact on the well-being of children than teacher.  It’s moving when a teacher, arguing for a pay raise, writes, “if you can read this, thank a teacher.” It’s so reminiscent of cops, arguing for a pay raise, writing, “if you don’t like cops, the next time you’re in trouble, call a criminal.” 

But teachers aren’t cops, despite the marked similarities in approach and rhetoric.  That doesn’t mean they don’t want to be, however.  Via Popehat, the story of  Oklahoma math teacher DeLynn Woodside who saw her moment and seized.  Carpe Student.

A 13-year-old was arrested Friday in Oklahoma City, accused of violating a little-known city ordinance that prohibits possession of a permanent marker in some circumstances.

Delynn Woodside noted the marker had bled through a piece of paper onto the desk and reported to a police officer that she also had seen the teen writing on the desk with the marker, the report said.

Woodside, a seventh-grade math teacher, made a citizen’s arrest on the teen, and the police officer transferred the student to a Community Intervention Center that houses juveniles who have been arrested. The name of the minor was not released.

As Patrick deftly explains, no crime was committed under this anti-graffiti law.

Oklahoma City Municipal Code Section 35-202, the statute under which DeLynn Woodside arrested this young man, has this to say about possession of sharpie pens:

No person may possess an aerosol spray paint container or broad-tipped indelible  marker on any private property unless the owner, agent, manager, or other person having control of the property consented to the presence of the aerosol spray paint container or broad-tipped indelible  marker.

But Roosevelt Middle School is a public school.  It even says so on the Oklahoma City schools website. It is therefore public property.  This boy has as much right to be there as Ms. Woodside.  More right in fact.  He has to be there, whereas Ms. Woodside can quit her job at any time.  While it’s true that Roosevelt Middle School may not be dedicated to public use, as with a town square, it is clearly not “private property”.

But then, is the issue here whether this kid’s conduct met the elements of an Oklahoma City anti-graffiti law?  Let’s assume, arguendo, that happy, harmless, law-abiding DeLynn is a seething volcano of hatred under her hefty yet pale facade, waiting for the opportunity to explode all over some hapless 7th grader.  Teachers aren’t immune from psychotic episodes.  Teachers get angry.  Teachers act improvidently, dare I say stupidly, on occasion.

Let’s assume that DeLynn had a very bad day and made a rash and foolish decision to play citizen cop and “arrest” her student.  We can even go a step further and assume that DeLynn had been awaiting the opportunity to make a citizen’s arrest, perhaps dreaming of a spot on the evening news for protecting school property from miscreant sharpie-carrying students, winning the praise of taxpayers and the adoration of pencil pushers.  Maybe even getting her own reality show.  Hey, you never know.  Let’s give DeLynn all this.

What of the sane adults at Roosevelt Middle School?  Are there not supervisors, vice principals, an unvice Principal, whose duty it is to keep one nutjob math teacher from wreaking havoc on a student and a school? 

Let’s take it a step further, and assume this student was a bad seed, the sort of kid who knew, KNEW, that his sharpie was bleeding through the piece of paper onto a desk.  Let’s assume it wasn’t the first time he induced sharpie bleed, nor was this the first desk that was defaced at the end of his sharpie.  Bad to the bone.

What of the police officer to whom DeLynn relinquished citizen custody of this miscreant?  No matter how far this student had pushed DeLynn, beyond the limits any 7th grade math teacher could endure, did the cop not think to himself that this was the time to inject calmer, sounder judgment into this already tense situation?

And let’s go yet another step down the path of righteousness and assume that the police officer, feeling the pain of a fellow public servant who has suffered far too much at the hands of this sharpie-wielding  thug, felt compelled to adopt her rage and fear and push the arrest.

What of the kindly folks at the Community Intervention Center, where the worst of child predators are taken for the protection of society and school desks?  What passed through the mind of the intake person who dutifully copied down the information provided by this brave officer about this student’s deliberate, persistent sharpie bleeding?  Certainly the inclusion of the word “bleeding” is enough in itself to shake up even the toughest of child jailers, and they don’t call it “sharp”-ie for nothing.

That there are people who suck on the public teat whose judgment is so dangerously bad, whose ability to exercise reasonable discretion cannot be trusted, who simply lose it at some point in their career, comes as no surprise.  Teachers, contrary to their rhetoric, are people, and there will be an occasional act that defies reason and propriety. 

And that’s why there are multiple layers of adults who come into play before any one nutjob teacher can cause too much damage.  At any point in the process, it would have ended had any of the many public employees demonstrated a modicum of thought.  This story might never have happened, spread about the school, city, country or internet.  The kid might have lost his sharpie and been sternly admonished to never bring a sharpie to school again.  Desks in Oklahoma could breath a sigh of relief, never to be bled upon again.

Was this the product of a string of idiots?  Perhaps every person involved suffered from some transitory psychosis, or pervasive lapse in basic reasoning ability?  Or was the the result of teachers, administrators and cops putting the interests, maybe the self-esteem, of their brethren public employee above their duty and the welfare of a 13 year old kid?

That this sharpie-wielder didn’t commit a crime makes the story that much more poignant, but that this child in Oklahoma City was subjected to arrest and custody and not a single thoughtful, sane, rational adult stopped this insanity before it reached the point of abject absurdity can’t be easily explained away.  Sure mistakes happen, but not like this.  And not to kids. 

“If you’re in jail, thank a teacher.”  Not quite the platitude one expects.