Like most blawgers, I get my fair share of emails of press releases from marketers and publicists, ranging from the banal garbage of “Law firm so and so just landed a new client in the fascinating and earth-shattering representation of a fender bender.  If you would like to interview Joe Dipshit, Esq. for your blog, please contact the undersigned to make arrangements given Joe’s very busy schedule.”

This description isn’t far off from what actually comes in.  Ask any blawger, and they will confirm the receipt of these cringe-inducing emails.  It’s truly embarrassing that lawyers pay publicists to promote their latest bowel movement.  Some are really that bad.

But some of the press releases speak to things of substance and interest to the criminal law community.  There are movies of interest.  There are articles in major magazines like Time and New York Magazine, which oddly seek to entice blawger’s interest in the hope of creating “buzz”.  And there are conferences on issues about which criminal defense lawyers should know.  One such email arrived yesterday, and caught my eye.

To whom it may concern:

My organization is putting on an upcoming conference called “Law & the Brain: How Recent Advances in Neuroscience Impact the Law” on neuroscience and law in March in NYC.  We have many of the members of the MacArthur Law and Neuroscience Project speaking at our conference including Michael Gazzaniga, Owen Jones, Martha Farah and Judge Jed Rakoff.

I was wondering if you could mention our event on your blog or post a link.  We have an early bird registration deadline this Friday about which you may want to alert your readers.

Most of the time, the programs that send out these emails are sophisticated enough to incorporate my name in the salutation.  Starting out with “to whom it may concern” is pretty lame, but that wasn’t my problem.  Rather, I thought to myself that the fellow who sent me the email, a guy named Dan LaGattuta, sought merely to use me to promote his conference.  I don’t like to be used, so I sent him back an email.

I’m always curious when someone asks me to promote their conference, why? Are you asking me to speak (no), to participate (no), to come for free (no), because we’re old, dear friends (no).  And yet you want me to promote your conference because, well, you want me to.

So why would I want to promote your conference?

I’ve received no response.  I don’t expect to.  The conference costs $895 to attend, with the early bird special.  No, that’s not cheap.  That’s a whole lot of money.  Big money.  And it costs more later, and even more if you’re a “late registrant.”  These are not the prices one charges to attend if one is doing a mitzvah, a public service.  These are the prices one charges to make a bundle off the conference.  Conferences are big business.

And yet Dan, who lists himself as the President and Media Inquiry person for the conference, wants little old Simple Justice to promote his big money conference.  For nothing.  It appears that he’s president of Public Information Resources, Inc., a for-profit company that puts together conferences, and sells “memberships” and CDs.

I’ve opined before that it’s inappropriate for even the non-profits and movie makers to ask me to promote them without offering me a clue what it is they’re doing.  You want me to tell people to go see your movie?  Then I need to see it first, because I’m not going to tell anyone to pay out good money to see a movie that sucks.  Other blawgers are happy to promote things blindly?  That speaks to other blawgers and their willingness to fill blank pages with crap.  I don’t play that game.

But when you’re trying to make some money, or big money as the case may be, how dare you try to play me for a fool.  I’m not your PR bitch, here to hype your profit-making venture for the mere asking.  Chances aren’t good that I would promote you under any circumstances, given that my integrity is on the line every time I write a post that urges anyone to do anything.  Before I would ever consider hyping your function, I would have be convinced that it’s something I believe worthy to attend, for myself as well as others.  Never, but never, would I promote you to fill up space or without knowing that it’s worth it to others.

But the notion of publicists and marketers that the blawgosphere is here for their convenience, to be used and abused while they collect their fees from their clients as the medium to market whatever it is they’re selling, offends me.  Dan Laguttata’s email offended me.  And I’m sick of being thought of as some moron with a blog who can be convinced to hype any garbage that comes across my email. 

No, I don’t want to interview your client about his latest bowel movement.  No, I don’t want to promote your movie that you can’t be bothered to show me first to see if I think it’s the worst piece of garbage to ever be put on video.  No, I don’t want to hype your big money conference, not even its early bird special, where you don’t think I’m worthy of at least a free seat in the back of the room.

And no, all your PR and marketing “professionals,” Simple Justice doesn’t exist so you can make a buck.  To those fellow-blawgers who do occasionally hype the crap that comes to their inbox, I’m calling you out.  I know that you don’t know squat about the crap you’re promoting.  I got the same email that you did. 

By promoting things you know nothing about, you’re confirming the idea these marketing scum maintain that the blawgosphere is just a big, stupid pool for them to dip into whenever they need a blind fool willing to do their bidding.  You’ve given away your integrity to these scum.  And they think I’m like you.