For a while now, Martindale-Hubbell, the one-time stalwart of lawyer ratings and maker of a shelf-full of really big, heavy, expensive brown books, has been the source of spam emails trying to sell plaques to put on my vanity wall to impress the crap out of clients. And they’re not cheap. Not by a long shot.
In my nearly 30 years of practice, no client has ever asked me what my Martindale-Hubbell rating was. And even if they did, they wouldn’t have a clue what an “AV” rating meant. Why should they?
But silliness aside, things took a turn toward the seriously creepy yesterday when the “customized plaques” demonstrating my total self-importance were no longer good enough. Oh no, they took it to a new level.
You what? You made a video for me? Are you some kind of creepy stalker, making videos behind my back?We are excited to introduce a revolutionary product designed to profoundly increase your exposure on the Web: your own high end, custom video featuring your Martindale-Hubbell® AV® Preeminent™ Rating.
The video itself is just awful generic fluff. No, they didn’t follow me around, They just stuck my name and some basic stuff (part of which they got wrong, such as the suite number in my address). Here, look for yourself.
Still the very idea that someone, without my knowledge or permission, created a video that could potentially float around, that suggests it’s something I would want or reflects my approach toward my practice, borders on the outrageous. What could possibly make Martindale-Hubbell (or American Registry, the company marketing crap on M-H’s behalf) think that every lawyer wants some garbage promotional video floating around?
The plaques were funny, customizable so that you could make one for Bugs Bunny or [insert your favorite lawyer who will never get an AV rating], and share it with your friends for some good lulz. But a video takes self-promotion to a place where M-H has no right to go.
We are not all self-promoting fools. Not every lawyer wants someone, without their knowledge or permission, to create a video that suggests they are. This video would appear to have my endorsement and approval. Just its making suggests my involvement. It should not exist.
I get that M-H, desperate to make up the money lost from all those lawyers not buying their big brown books anymore. But this went too far.
H/T Ken and David for their tech expertise
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Who let them into your office?
Now I’m stuck between making a snarky joke and the fact that nothing could be worse than people thinking that I would have an office that looks that pedestrian.
All this video is missing is a shiny, brand new Kitchen Aid refrigerator.
If it was truly “personalized,” . . .
Imagine how “personalized” these things could get if Martindale-Hubbell got together with the TSA.
Scott, I’m sitting here at JFK waiting for my connection to Portland, ME, and watching your video. What did you put in those blue tubes? It looks toxic. With all this glitz they need to add new categories – AAAV and AV+++.
That blue stuff is my #Win juice, only toxic to spammers and social media gurus.
It kills leads.
That’s really cheesy. People pay for that?
I’m torn between being horrified and being upset they didn’t send one to me. After all the nice things I’ve written about them!
You can have mine if it will make you feel better.
Seriously, what is the supposed setting for that video? The most boring museum ever? A law office the size of the Verizon Center that has roped off statues? It is your virtual office, Greenfield, please explain.
Ah, you nailed it. It is the shrine I keep to Martindale-Hubbell in my incredibly humongous virtual office. Impressive, right?
Considering that I remember seeing an advertisement for a personal injury law firm which featured a cartoon of a little green man in a flying saucer talking about how he flew across the universe to get legal service from the firm following his flying saucer accident, one should never underestimate how low someone will go attempting to attract business.
Incidentially, that advertisement must have actually been seriously lousy because I cannot remember the name of the firm responsible for it. Maybe because I was too busy thinking “how will they establish personal jurisdiction over the defendant and establish that venue is proper in the courts of Earth” to pay attention to the name of the firm.
I do remember the name of the competiting personal injury lawyer who used to run ads featuring some out of work actor who I am way too young to remember yelling about how suing insurance companies is like going to war over stock World War II and nuclear test footage. A search of his name reveals that Martindale’s blog recently featured an interview with him discussing how successful his undignified and cheesy advertising campaign has been. Seems a bit suspicious that they post an interview extolling the virtues of “undignified” and cheesy advertising while at the same time trying to sell such ads themselves.