Since I haven’t done a  reader mailbag in a while, it seemed like a good idea today.

Greenfield:

I know law real good, having done prison three times. So when I hired this lawyer, all he had to do is go with the story I told him. It was perfect. I told him about how I was innocent and how the cops beat me and lied and framed me, and all he had to do was tell the judge exactly what I told him.

But no. This guy started talking shit about perjury and all. Why did he think I was paying him all that money if he didn’t have a guy who would fix a few photos so my story worked?  His website said he would fight hard and cared about me, but all he did was tell me that my story sucked and he wouldn’t do it. What kind of lawyer is that?  He thought I was stupid and didn’t know what I was doing, but like I told you, I been to prison three times and I know how to get things done. I got the tats to prove it.

You seem to be a good lawyer and you have an Avvo 10, so you know what I’m talking about. Can you represent me pro bono? We can sue this lawyer and you can keep half the money. If you’re any good, you will get rich! And when you come to Idaho to take care of my case, I promise to take you out for lunch too, as long as you don’t eat too much. LOL.

Signed,
The Voice of Experience

Dear Voice,

Such a wonderfully tempting offer, and yet I must decline.  I’m curious that you think three stints in prison makes you quite the expert on beating the system.  It sounds more like you have a remarkable history of losing, which tells me that you may not be nearly as good at putting together a story as you think.

Regardless, the lawyer who refused to become complicit in perpetrating a fraud on the court by manufacturing evidence isn’t a bad fellow, even though he apparently did not think as well of your scheme as you did. You see, criminal defense lawyers are the people who represent people accused of crimes, as opposed to being criminals themselves.  The truth is, you didn’t pay the lawyer to do your bidding, but to represent you, zealously but within the bounds of the law. I know, that sucks, especially when you think you’ve put together a masterful scheme to prove your innocence in the face of overwhelming evidence of guilt.

In the future, may I suggest you consider urinating only in toilets in rooms specifically marked for your gender?  It’s really a very good rule to follow, plus eliminates the need for photos, which itself can present a bit of an issue.

SHG

If anybody out there wants to take on Voice’s cause, let me know and I can forward your contact information.  You will no doubt hear from him, perhaps for years to come.

Hello,

I am the marketing representative for John W. Blischak who is a Defense Attorney. I’ve taken a look at your website and noticed you have several articles pertaining to felony offenses and misdemeanor. I believe we can contribute a guest blog about evaluating possible criminal defense options and assessing if further legal assistance is needed.

John W. Blischak is based in Arizona serving several cities throughout the Valley. He practices criminal defense matters, personal injury and some business law as he also is a CPA. With over 25 years of experience in the law field, John would love the opportunity to share his knowledge on these topics with your readers.

The opportunity to guest post about criminal defense tips and how The Law Offices of John W. Blischak can assist would be an excellent opportunity and greatly appreciated. Let me know if you’d be interested or if you need any further information. Please feel free to contact me at this email or give me a call at 623.889.XXXX ext. 000. I hope to hear from you. Thank you for your time.

Best,

Phillip J. [x]

Marketing Representative for The Law Offices of John W. Blischak

Dear Phillip,

You are a true gem. Most marketing representatives lack your forthright nature, shifting the work off to some mill in Bangalore after pocketing the hungry lawyer’s cash. Not you. I hope your client appreciates that you are doing the legwork yourself with such a well-targeted and thoughtful email.

Usually, I don’t respond to requests for guest posts, but that’s because they tend not to involve lawyers or don’t mention who the client is. That’s what made your email special, and made me take notice. Here you are, floating John Blischak’s name to blawgers like me across the internet in the hope that someone will give you a chance to  guest post and get that precious backlink. There’s no quicker path to legitimacy than riding someone else’s coattails, right?

As for your suggested topic, however, “evaluating possible criminal defense options and assessing if further legal assistance is needed,” it strikes me that you haven’t really looked at my blawg, because if you did, you would notice that a post on your suggested topic doesn’t really fall within the nature of stuff I write about. In fact, it emits a rather unpleasant odor, kind of sleazy and worthless.

It makes me wonder whether John Blischak will be writing the guest post, or maybe someone from your outfit, . You do that sort of stuff, , don’t you?  Maybe when you wrote that Blischak would be the author of the guest post, you were stretching the truth just a bit. Come on now, Phillip, just a little bit?  Yeah, I knew it.

But poor John Blischak, by hiring you, now has his name all over the internet, thinking that he’s going to build a great internet persona and get tons of business from his first-page-of-Google website, except that’s not how it always happens for lawyers. Instead, sometimes they get embarrassed when they outsource their marketing and learn the hard way that they outsourced their reputation and ethics with it. Not all lawyers, Phillip, are cool with being part of the scheme.

That sucks, Phillip. But then, it’s not your fault Blischak hired you to do his marketing for him. It’s his.

Scott

P.S. If you do posts about ponies, I may know  someone who would be interested in a guest post.

For all I know, John Blischak is a great guy, a terrific lawyer and kind to small animals. Even so, the  Turk Rule still applies.