That’s It? The Saga of The First Million Emails

There are the pitches from publicists that some nobody in nowhere opened a new office on Main Street.  There is the 32nd email from the Brennan Center that Attorney General Eric Holder will be speaking at their forum today.  There is the latest attempt from some low-rent publicist trying to sell an ignorant piece of crap by some nobody scum lawyer, who also notes he’s available for an interview.

Then there are the dozens, sometimes hundreds, of emails with links to articles, stories, new ones and follow-ups. There are the questions from sad folks, nice folks, crazy folks, plus people who assume I exist to read their 10,000 word stories.

There are the well-written and succinct emails, and the incomprehensible emails from people who should know better but are trying to be kinda snarky without realizing they’re neither funny nor interesting.  Then there are the people, people who I don’t know, who want to discuss my posts with me, privately by email, because they think they’re fascinating. Their feelings are easily hurt when they don’t receive the reply they are certain they’re due.

And there are more. Much more. More than you can possibly imagine.

I may have time to write a post or two, but I don’t have time to sift through the insanity that arrives in my email.  I can’t read every link sent me. If you can’t explain in a sentence why I should read it, I won’t. Nor will I read your email. Nor will I respond.

I spent a long time this morning going through emails, before I got to reading the stuff I wanted to read, and writing a post.  And it’s a problem.  No, you are not the most special person in my life that I will give your email the hour you think it deserves.  No, I will not strain to try to grasp your secret, hysterically funny if mind-numbingly obtuse snarky reference.  No, I do not want to read the 27 linked stories that you thought were interesting.

And most importantly, no, I don’t really care that you think I should write about something because you think it’s really interesting.  I don’t work for you.  Give me a break, please.

19 thoughts on “That’s It? The Saga of The First Million Emails

  1. Andrew

    Dude, you’re kinda rude. why would you be so rude about the people who read your stuff and take time to respond? yes, email triage is hard, but just set up a system to do it and don’t complain to everybody about it.

    1. SHG Post author

      You are the center of my universe. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day and reading my stuff that’s available to you for free, and then writing inane comments that make people stupider for having read them, and validate my existence. You are awesome. You rock my world.

      Seriously, I would wash your car for you, because you are so special to me and without you, I would ball up in a corner and cry sad blawger tears.

    2. lawrence kaplan

      Andrew: I think that sometimes SHG responds too sharply to some comments on this blog, but 1) it is his blog; 2) he is providing us with a public service for free; and 3) he has a lot of crap to deal with–so cut him some slack and roll with the punches.

      1. SHG Post author

        While it’s kind of you to come to my defense, I really don’t want or need your help. I have no interest in Andrew, or anyone else, cutting me any slack at all. And frankly, I’m really don’t give a damn if you think my responses are “too sharp.” You don’t have to like my sharp responses, and Andrew doesn’t have to live with my being rude.

        If you don’t like it, go away. SJ doesn’t exist to please you, or Andrew, or anybody else except me. It’s that simple. You come here of your own volition. No one makes you. No one ever will.

        1. Andrew

          very interesting comment. raises a good question – what motivates you to write this blog? You’re clearly passionate about the topic, but it takes a lot of work to go from passion to free-standing product. You also may use it to further your law practice, since it is under your real name and you provide a link to your practice, but it doesn’t have the uber-professional lawyer tone (lots of snark). I’m sure your time is very valuable. why do you do it?

  2. Tom G

    Reading SJ is like sitting in the gallery of a courtroom listening to the judge verbally beat the crap out of the lawyers arguing on the floor beneath him. Commenting on SJ is like being one of those lawyers. Thank you Scott, don’t change a thing.

  3. william doriss

    I’ve been mulling this one over for a couple of days now, strenuously resisting the urge to merge/comment. Haven’t we heard this rant before? I mean, puhleeze!?! Hey look, you made your bed, now lie in it, MF. You’re good at what you do, perhaps the best. You know that, basking in the limelight of the simplest justice anyone can find on the internet today?!?
    So what seems to be the problem? Cry, b!tch, moan and complain; you sound like an old lady. Come on now!
    Get with the program! You have it good, and you don’t know it. Maybe your kids can inform you/reform you? Hopefully, they will find something more productive/lucrative to do in life. It is a terrible row to hoe, being a bLAWger in the 21st C. Someone has to do it, as previously posted by me.

    I had something else to say, but forgot what it was: Past my bedtime. You get off easy this time. Judge Kopf is still here; that is a good thing.
    All the best,
    In response to Tom G, above: The more I read here, the more I get delirious. At some point, it all becomes a big blurrr, if you catch my drift? Miranda, Fourth Amendment, 2nd Circuit this, 3rd Circuit that. I’m getting sick. I don’t know how you guys can take it? Even the stock market is more interesting,
    especially when it goes up or down. Don’t really matter. No mind, never matter; no matter, nevermind!

    1. SHG Post author

      You’ve been around a long time already, so you’ve heard much of this before. Others do not share your longevity, and what is repetitious to you is new to them. Then again, I’ve already explained this to you as well.

      More importantly, Bill, if I feel like bitching here, I get to. You know this. Suck it up. If you don’t want to read it again, there is a magic button on your computer that makes it disappear. But this is my place to bitch, not yours. And sorry if I bore you.

  4. John Barleycorn

    Did you know that every time someone listens to a Joni Mitchel tune while eating a grilled cheese sandwich a new Johnny Rotten fan is born and an Elvis fan will start eating grapefruit and oatmeal for breakfast three times a week?

    I hope your note brings some balance to the pitch, dissonance, rhythm, melody,
    harmony, texture, timbre, and volume of your inbox.

    If not I guess it can’t hurt to have a few more Johnny Rotten and cholesterol conscious Elvis fans in the world.

    Pro Tip: both “Anarchy in the UK” and “Clean Up Your Own Back Yard” are excellent attachments to an “out of the office” auto reply.

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