Never one to be the only person left in the room without egg on his face, Governor Andrew Cuomo is leaping blindly aboard the speeding train of collegiate gender politics by ordering the colleges and universities within the SUNY system to adopt the “affirmative consent” rules enacted by California.  Take that, Governor Moonbeam!

To explain the need for these policies, Mr. Cuomo — who pointed out that he is the father of three girls — cited statistics on how many college women are victimized and how many do not report the assaults, and called the numbers “breathtaking.”

Grasping why “statistics” reflect whatever nonsense the advocacy group that manufactured them wants them to reflect is very hard work. Latching on to stats that justify an action is easy. Hey, if they can make them up for animal abuse, why not here?  Of course, counting non-reported events is usually a dead giveaway, because they were never reported, but as long as one closes one’s eye tight enough, anything can begin not to seem as mind-numbingly stupid as it really is.

So what has Governor ordered?

SUNY’s approach resembles that recently set by California, by defining consent as an affirmative act, in which both partners must express their desire to engage in each sexual act. Previous consent is not sufficient, and people who are physically helpless, mentally incapacitated or asleep are considered unable to consent at all.

“Consent is clear, knowing and voluntary,” the SUNY rules will say. “Consent is active, not passive.

“Silence, in and of itself, cannot be interpreted as consent.”

Consent need not be verbal, but it must be unambiguous and mutual. “Consent to any one form of sexual activity cannot automatically imply consent to any other forms of sexual activity,” the rules will say.

May I kiss you? Yes. May I kiss your other cheek? Yes. Wait, did you just finish that kiss and start again, without consent?  RAPE!!! Ridiculous, but rules.  More to the point, while many on college campuses would fight for a tiny bit of personal privacy between deciding between the big new iPhone and the really big new iPhone, they are inviting the government into their bedrooms to regulate, no, micromanage, their make-out sessions? Etc.?

But if these kids want to adopt the new, sexy pick-up lines like, “[w]ould you like to try an Australian kiss? It’s like a French kiss, but ‘Down Under,'” ain’t nobody’s business but their own.  Except this:

The proposed changes also include a Sexual Assault Victims’ Bill of Rights, a simple and widely distributed document to inform victims of their right to go to the police, as well as campus security, with complaints; a promise of immunity for students who report sexual assault but who might have been violating laws or campus rules, like the prohibition on under-age drinking; a statewide program to train college officials on how to prevent assaults and respond to them when they do occur; and an education campaign for students and parents alike.

Because they don’t have the right to go to the police now?  Oh wait, but there is nothing whatsoever about these new rules to be imposed by royal fiat that comports in any way with the laws of the state.  That will make them sad, Andy.  Why must you lead these young ladies on so?

Yet, the governor commands and so it will be.  And to make sure the many SUNY institutions are fully compliant, Gov. Cuomo has tapped a Sexual Assault Czar:

Linda Fairstein, the novelist and former sex crimes prosecutor, will serve as a special adviser to the university system while it puts the changes into effect.

Could it be pure kismet that Cuomo’s inquisitor will be the renown former sex crimes prosecutor, Fairstein?  I suspect her history of advocacy for special treatment of sex crimes victims was the very virtue Cuomo found most appealing, together with her lack of concern for due process for the accused.

But the governor isn’t without a sense of humor about the whole thing.  Indeed, he’s already come up with the “dude” rule, because it will give all involved a decent chuckle.

Brockport offers students tips like “Good suggestions for gaining consent” (“Is it O.K. if I take off my pants?”) and “the ‘Dude’ Routine,” a way to check in on friends you fear may need assistance at a party. “Knock or slightly open a closed door and with any excuse starting with ‘dude’ (it somehow makes it more believable) to check the situation,” the guide advises. “ ‘Dude, I thought this was the bathroom.’ ”

See how that works? As the guys and gals laugh hysterically at the stupidity of someone saying “Dude, I thought this was the bathroom,” when it’s their own dorm room, the romantic moment is lost and they can all order a pizza.

Mario, talk to your boy.  Explain to him that no one will be impressed that he’s trying to be the caboose on Gov. Moonbeam’s crazy train.  While Andy notes, as if this is a justification for anything, that he has three daughters, explain to him that a lot of the electorate has sons, whether alone or with daughters. They, too, expect him to be their governor.