Yes, it’s been a while since last I lorded my exemplary good taste in legal sartorial splendor over you losers who wear suits without vents and shoes with square toes. But the time is ripe for the return of my sound advice, because I know how much you care about casual wear to fill your work/life balance wardrobe.
Yes, this is about the beloved tee. T-shirts matter, and nothing matters more than to use a tee for virtue signalling, and there is no greater signal of virtue than to don the gang colors of law enforcement. But, but, but, you ask, where can I find such a glorious shirt? The hero t-shirt club, of course.
THE T-SHIRTS OF REAL AMERICAN HEROES
Ready to enlist? Join the club and we’ll send you a new T-shirt every month representing a different group of America’s elite heroes! Only $24 a month.
Our high quality T-shirts are of specialized units from the U.S. Military, federal and local law enforcement, and fire departments.
Pride, Honor, Respect, Camaraderie
Guys dig ’em. Gals dig ’em. Even grandma will think you look pretty darn ginchy in your cop clothing. But this isn’t just about looking all cop-tastic.
To raise awareness for the real heroes that live and die for our protection and freedom. Heroes serving at home and on the front line every day.
No, of course that’s total malarky. Their mission is to sell you shirts under the guise of showing your devotion to “real heroes,” like Chicago’s Jason Van Dyke, who risked everything when he plugged Laquan McDonald for walking away from him. But for a mere $24 per month, you can have a shot at avoiding that ticket, walking away from the DUI and showing the highway cop in Oklahoma you would never have drug proceeds on your prepaid gift card.
But that’s not all!!!
- A portion of our proceeds are donated to charities that support our heroes.
What portion? What charities? What heroes? What is wrong with you, asking such questions. Don’t you care at all about the men and women who protect the children? What are you, some kinda commie?
The bad news is that they “retire” shirts, so if you pass up this fine opportunity to show your heroes how much you want to pretend to be one yourself, there’s no going back. For those of you who want to do a jail break out of MCC, you’re too late.
If you get in now, there’s still a chance you can get the ICE Roadside Anal Cavity Search Team shirt. But make sure you sign up now, as it’s sure to be a huge seller. So be like a real hero and wear a t-shirt that makes it look like you have the authority to shove a finger up someone’s anus or vagina, just like a real hero!!!