The choice of an upscale soul food restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner was an interesting one. Since we were far from home, a restaurant was the only option, and why not try something interesting since it wasn’t going to be the Thanksgiving flavors that brought us home anyway? Reservations were made for 1300 On Fillmore in San Francisco.
Here’s the review for Zagat’s:
It seemed like an interesting idea to have Thanksgiving dinner here. It was not. We had 6:30 reservations, but weren’t seated until 7:30. We ordered a bottle of white wine and they gave us burgundy glasses. When I asked, a random guy came to the table, said “those are the only wine glasses we have,” and walked away. Either they ran out of clean wine glasses or are clueless. This guy, we later learned was the manager, had severe social issues. The wine bottle was left on the table as they had no ice buckets.
The duck salad app, supposedly duck and confit, had one tiny bit of duck and a lot of frisee salad. We’re pretty sure they ran out of duck, but served it anyway. The shrimp and grits was better, until the bus person came, put her hand on the plate with her fingers in the food, and asked if I was done. I wasn’t before, but I was after her dirty hands were in my food.
The turkey was good, but the excessive use of “pumpkin” spices was the only flavor. They forgot to serve the side of mash, and brought it toward the end of the meal after I had to ask. Then again, it was utterly tasteless, so no loss. Some of us had pecans on the sweet potato garnish. Others none.
Dessert was awful. Pecan tart where the filling had crystalized. Berry “soup” with no berries. And more grossly excessive pumpkin spice. There were only two things they did well, apologize for their serial failures and charge for this miserable meal. We felt badly for the waiter, who was left to constantly apologize for a restaurant that charged like fine dining but would have been marginal as a food truck.
It was, to be kind, an expensive dinner. First world problems? For sure, but since they weren’t feeding us because they loved us so much, and gave us a check at the end of the meal anyway, we get to make note of the fact that dinner sucked. Yes, a fine dining experience should not be viewed through the prism of a basic financial transaction. But it is a transaction, like any other, in the sense of receiving, within the parameters of fine dining, what you pay for.
But this raises a problem. Do you complain or suck it up? Do you complain to the waiter as it goes along, or demand to speak with the manager and make a big deal of each minor complaint? Do you refuse to pay, as if that would work? Do you ruin the tone of the meal and make everybody even more miserable than the meal warrants?
Most people prefer to avoid confrontation. And most prefer not to dump on the poor guy who was working on Thanksgiving when he would rather be home with his family than dealing with management’s failures or the complaints of customers that are outside his control. And unless you’re a major dick, you don’t want to dump on this poor guy. In our case, the waiter was doing his best to be accommodating, but he had nothing to work with.
The most likely outcome is to chalk it up to an unfortunate choice, since there isn’t much else to be done about it. You can’t refuse to pay, and complaints rarely do much good. Then there’s the fear that a complaining diner will have a “special” addition to his food given free of charge by a pissed off staff member.
But if you do nothing, then you’ve just allowed yourself to be the sucker. Even if you don’t come back, you’re out the money and the experience. If you say nothing at the time, then they can’t fix a problem they don’t know exists. If you do, however, they may do nothing, or nothing more than apologize for the inconvenience. Or put their special sauce on your stuffing.
What to do? Nothing? Something? What about the level of “tone,” the effort to try not to be offensive while telling someone their baby tastes like crap?
Having enjoyed spectacular southern/soul food, both at Sylvia’s in Harlem and in the south, it can be fabulous. But when someone is selling fine dining, regardless of the style of food (and aren’t we all foodies these days?), they need to deliver. What to do when they don’t?
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I have many friends who work in fine dining and some who own restaurants. I self-label as a foodie. If it gets all the way to presentation of the check it’s become a no-win situation.
My suggestion:
1st mistake: Let it go. It’s a holiday; likely some people wanted it off so they’re understaffed. Sure, they should have thought of that and made alternate arrangements or closed entirely, but they didn’t. Suck it up this one time.
2nd mistake: Excuse yourself politely, walk to the back of the house (aka “kitchen”) behind the curtain and away from your guests/family sight and ask to speak to the manager. Let the manager know that you’re here to have a great time and so are your guests/family. Unfortunately you’re seeing a pattern of neglect and you’d like him to oversee your service and food at this table tonight to ensure there are no more mistakes.
Make no threats, imply no negative reviews on social media, promise nothing positive except to say you’re looking forward to the great experience this restaurant is known for.
That should be enough to fix most problems.
Mistake #3. Ugh. Excuse yourself from the table, and go talk to the Chef. Address him as “Chef” no matter what it says on the splattered outfit he’s wearing. (The white one he wears out to greet you is behind the door on a hanger). Let him know you’re trying to have a great time but your guests are being treated horribly. Let him know that you forgave the first offense (tell him what it is)… and on the second offense you talked to “John”, the front-of-the-house manager. Tell him despite that there was a third error… and at this point the whole restaurant — and his food — are looking horrible. Ask Chef if he can do anything to ensure the rest of your dining experience is great.
If they make no further mistakes, well suck it up. You’re a big boy. If they do, call the manager over to the table and in front of your guests let him know that you gave him two opportunities, and Chef another opportunity, and yet again they screwed up. Let him know that you expect him to comp the meal and not only that but explain to you what he’s going to do next Thanksgiving so no other guest has to endure this.
Tell him to think about that last one because when you do review them on social media (don’t specify where) you will also add that they’re committed to fixing this horrible horrible service.
I’m sorry you had a bad meal.
When I dine with close friends … if this looks like it’s happening we call it, pay whatever interim tab, and leave. Family makes it tougher.
Happy Thanksgiving weekend,
Ehud
Are they unaware that diners come for a great dining experience? Do they really have to be told?
I was a server for 8 years in my youth. This is spot on. Most times the Front of House Manager never talks to the Chef and the Chef really needs this type of feedback.
Yelp??
I never think of Yelp for fine dining. I should.
I’m looking forward to part 2, wherein they hire a “reputation management” company to deal with a certain online review.
And, FWIW since you asked so many questions about how to deal with the issue, I concur on your choice of making only a small stink, instead of a big one. For the company at the table was more important than the food.
I try to avoid confrontation because it makes the rest of the family uncomfortable, and you are absolutely right, the company is the most important thing. But it’s a remarkably unsatisfying answer. And, of course, Dr. SJ is livid about it the next day, though she abhors making a stink about it at the time.
Words I thought I’d never read on this blog: “I try to avoid confrontation…” – SHG
For the sake of others.
Yeah, restaurant confrontation sucks, especially around family. I mostly agree with Turk about making a small stink, but if the restaurant ever takes the low road in response to that, they experience the shock and awe of the mother of all stinks. My family would expect no less, even if I did manage to embarrass my dad once — which should have been close to impossible by that time in both of our lives.
I think there’s two options; leave early before the the entre or complain to back-house management. You said it wasn’t the waiter’s fault so food issues are the chef’s, or if the kitchen wasn’t properly stocked, then management’s.
People don’t like complaining but people also don’t like being suckered. While the above solutions will bring less attention on your party, they will benefit future diners and since you’re not going back there it makes your complaint pure altruism. It’s probably more difficult for a local who may return. So perhaps the traveling diner has more a foodie burden of sorts.
Happy Thanksgiving SHG.
Write a blog post about it!
Heh. Yeah.
I had a similar experience with guests who you happen to know.
I “sucked it up” but was brutally direct and specific in the inevitable post meal email survey.
I received a “thank you for your comments; we’re sorry you were disappointed; we strive to be excellent” PR reply from the GM who I thereafter unloaded on. I was merciless but honest.
Result; next meal is on us; please give us another chance; we’ve already made changes; and “here’s my contact info and cell. Call me directly so i can supervise every aspect of your visit.”
Did it change our horrific experience? Not one bit.
Was smoke being blown up my ass? Could be but maybe, just maybe we would have helped others avoid the debacle we suffered and will get a free mail to boot!
Happy Thanksgiving !
People who complain in restaurants – unless it’s really awful (which nine times out of 10 it isn’t) – are invariably dickheads
Coming soon to screens everywhere! The new reality show: “Dickhead or doormat!”
Because, of course, there is no possibility of a middle ground.
You expected more from pooh?
It all depends on whether it’s just sitting on the ground or being flung.
I’m surprised I didn’t get more responses like Pooh’s ([email protected]). It’s the usual reaction of slackers and wastrels wishing others would accept a life of failure as they have. It’s relatively rewarding to see that so few here think in terms of such pathetically low expectation of themselves and others.
Very true.
When you go to someone’s place to have a dining experience you deserve a good dining experience. Those who think everyone else shouldn’t complain are merely trying to make their lack problem-solving skills appear ordinary and normal.
E
“Upscale” and “soul food” are two terms that should never be used together, much like “upscale” and “barbecue.” If it’s one, it’s not the other.
Don’t you just love that service charge they tack on in SF so the employees can make a living wage, especially when you are getting a crappy meal.
As with the $15 minimum wage or any other social welfare transfer concept, somebody has to be. It’s just the socialist ideal of compelling the transfer from one to another. I knew going in that I would have to pay, so it wasn’t a surprise. But that others feel their self-righteous values entitle them to take other people’s money to pay for their causes is what I find insufferable. If they believe their cause it just, let them pay for it themselves rather than stick their hand in my pocket to pay for their feelz.
If they have to pay with their own money, it’s just not worth it.
My response after an initial complaint isn’t resolved is usually to leave. You could spend time talking to them, listening to them defend themselves and make excuses, but it’s a waste. If they cared enough about the job to really correct it, they would have done it right in the first place. Many of us have jobs where something has to be done right the first time, every time, and the consequences of failure don’t give a hoot how good our excuses sound. If I can do it, so can they, and if they can’t, not interested in doing business.
I wouldn’t worry about the “special sauce” thing. If you complain about your meal, the waiters and kitchen staff are likely to say mean things about you in private, but nobody’s going to spit in your food or deliberately prepare it worse. Even the most psychotic cooks I’ve known – and cooks are reliably psychotic – won’t do that.
But it’s also true that if you complain, the kitchen’s unlikely to make a special effort on your behalf. The wait staff’s partially to blame, as they tend to soften your complaint when they relay it to the kitchen.
As a bartender, I had to step in on occasion to serve drinks properly or address customers’ concerns when the wait staff couldn’t or wouldn’t. Complaints about the service can work. But if you were served a subpar meal, I’d suggest going straight to the manager and getting him to adjust the bill. Getting a waitress to talk to the cooks probably won’t work, and even if the manager goes to yell at them, the cooks won’t magically get better at their jobs or find ingredients where there were none.
Edited to add: Ehud’s suggestion about getting the manager to oversee your meal is an excellent idea-
Nice to know I’m not the only one disappointed with my fine dining Thanksgiving meal. Though I take partial blame for ordering the turkey dinner at a restaurant that has a reputation for amazing steaks. Double dumb-ass on me, since I’ve never had a bad meal there…when eating their steak.
Nah. If they’re going to throw a Thanksgiving meal and charge for it like a fine dining restaurant, it’s still their job to deliver a good meal.
Certainly true. And the reputation of the restaurant I went to, especially in Charleston, makes that doubly so.
One blog, two Kirks
There may even be more, but they know better than to leave a comment about it.
At a minimum, I can’t imagine not letting the manager know “your idiot busgirl put her hands in my food”. The rest of the problems are open to negotiation according to the conflict-aversiveness of the party, but the manager really does need to know that that person needs to not have a job bussing tables anymore. That’s a cardinal bussing offence. I also find that approaching the conversation as though you have already assumed that the manager will be horrified and embarrassed and want to make up for it tends to maximize the chance of that happening.
I’ve always handled this by discreetly approaching the manager and voicing my complaints, which typically results in some sort of discount applied to the final bill, but I then calculate the amount of gratuity I leave based on the full sum prior to the reduction, compensating service per usual.
But honesty that’s beside the point, because why in gods name would anyone think that southern food in the Bay would be a good idea? I mean soul food in Harlem is one thing, as soul food isn’t necessarily or exclusively southern food, and as a result on myriad historical and cultural factors, established black communities tend to have damn fine soul food. But San Francisco? That’s proposterous. Thanksgiving turkey dinner without collards? Mind as well take the holiday in Pyongyang next time. I’m as much a fan of the fine dining take on southern food as the next above-average educated hillbilly, but this mess they served you ain’t that.
I hope this doesn’t mean I have to side with the cultural appropriation fanatics from now on.
My ex-wife, born and raised in backwoods Louisiana, used to say she would never order grits in a restaurant where she couldn’t look back in the kitchen and see a Miss Corrine back there cooking. A dining tip to be heeded. I can attest.
My experience with the food at upscale soul food restaurants has been uniformly dismal.
Sorry I’m late to the party.