Judge Richard Kopf does his listicle of observations of criminal defense lawyers based on his 25 years on the bench. Spoiler alert: he likes us, with some caveats. So if you heed his admonitions, will you achieve success, world hegemony maybe, or at least the probability of a comfortable middle-class existence as a successful and highly-competent criminal defense lawyer.
Yeah, well, maybe, but maybe not.
In a guest post that will bring a cringe to your face, Carolyn Elefant posts a marketeer’s brutally insipid crap which, per the blind squirrel theory, includes this paragraph.
The numbers don’t lie in terms of what’s going on in the legal profession. In December of 2006 the U.S. legal services sector employed 1,161,400 people[i]. By December of 2016 that number was down to 1,126,100[ii]. So in ten years the profession lost 35,300 jobs. Guess what else the profession did during that time? It added 198,594 attorneys[iii]. Laws get changed all the time but those two pesky rules, known as supply and demand, haven’t changed. A big reduction in jobs, combined with a big increase in the labor supply, results in a lot of attorneys singing a sad song. Oh……by the way, the legal profession lost roughly another 1,000 jobs in the first two months of 2017.
He’s right. You’re not alone. Cases are drying up. Money is drying up. Bills are piling up. Marketeers are spamming you constantly with pitches for their pointless gimmicks that will “save you valuable time” so you can squeeze in another game of spider solitaire before heading out to have your chai latte and share your feelings of pain at being disrespected.
In the meantime, the ABA, captured by progressive academics, wants to pull your ticket if you use the wrong pronoun, while demanding that lawyers ignore their student debt service to provide pro bono services so their children don’t starve while yours do.
In the next decade, the number of lawyers who’ve tried a case will hit 2%, while the number of lawyers who advertise that they’re “new and improved” and love you some winning hits an all-time high. They will crank out forms with fill in the blanks because they can’t afford to give a client the seven minutes it takes to do it right, but it won’t be that big a deal since the maligned client can’t find you as you’re nothing more than a virtual presence on the interwebz, taking paypal fees so a web company can glom its 4% of the legal services market.
But little of this will really matter, since the smart kidz have long abandoned law as a lousy deal, and the plethora of law schools desperately trying to fill empty seats to pay scholars’ salaries so they can write important articles furthering their political agenda by lying about the law thrive off government guaranteed student loans to assure minorities will get to take the bar they won’t pass.
So go forth, criminal defense lawyers. Be the best you can be. I’m sure it will all work out, while the deeply passionate go to war over where transgender folks pee and the horrors of being an undocumented immigrant in a nation that refuses to pay for counsel for citizens accused of crimes.
Have a nice day.