I just returned from the Peoples Republic of Portland. The experience was jarring.
In Portland, there are no homeless people. There are, however, houseless. What that means is that homeowners cannot complain if the houseless shit on your front yard as your children skip off to the gender fluid schools. After all, where else would you expect these folks to leave their droppings?
The people of Portland are wildly woke. The City recently banned investment in evil corporations. Caterpillar is particularly evil because the Israeli defense force has armored bulldozers purchased from Caterpillar. Damn Jews.
Joan and I attended the drop dead gorgeous wedding of her nephew. It was held in a vineyard with an amazing view of Mount Hood. I especially liked the Subaru driven by the Chef. I have even photographed it for you. If you are a millennial, then you are likely attracted to the photo. In that same vein, and for the bride and groom, I extend my best wishes to them and my fervent hopes for a world protected by a really fat guy by the name ALGORE whose primary accomplishment is proving that a breakfast of biscuits and gravy is an inconvenient truth.
Anyway, with a sense of extreme relief, I got back to Nebraska. Nebraska is nice. In fact:
Yet, upon returning, I found that Nebraska is under attack. See Mitch Smith, Nebraska’s Flag Lacks Pizazz. The Hard Part Is Changing It, New York Times (August 10, 2017). Our dear flag is, according to the Times, the worst of the worst.
The author of this slander writes:
For several days this January, the state flag outside Nebraska’s Capitol fluttered upside-down in the frigid sky. And for several days, as lawmakers and lobbyists shuffled past, no one noticed.. . .
John M. Hartvigsen, president of the North American Vexillological Association, said the state seal on a solid background is a product of a different era when state flags had a more limited role.. . .
Mr. Hartvigsen’s organization suggests principles for successful flag design: simple concepts, a distinct look, bold colors and no words. Nebraska’s banner violates nearly all of them.
“It’s a flag that would be easy to fly upside down with nobody noticing,” Mr. Hartvigsen said.[i]
I now call upon Admiral Greenfield to take action. Like Admiral Nelson at the battle of Trafalgar, his Excellency Greenfield is now charged with defeating the armada of those who would sully the flag of his adopted kinsmen (and women, of course). Even though Nelson was shot through the spine by a sniper high atop the rigging of an enemy vessel, he lived long enough to know of his victory. It is not too much to ask the same sacrifice of Admiral Greenfield.
By the way, if you take a crap on my lawn, you may find yourself wrapped in the flag of Nebraska and hoisted aloft upside down.
Richard G. Kopf
Senior United States District Judge (Nebraska)
[i] I pause only to note that Oregon has a beaver on the reverse of the state flag.
That caused one wag to write and illustrate the following: