An appellate* public defender was snatched in broad daylight and forced into the interrogation room. A public defender was given the third degree, demanded to reveal the co-conspirators. Not by the government. Not by the cops. Not by some shady cartel.
By the New York City Legal Aid Society. The public defender was Appellate Squawk, because the Squawk had been ungood. It began when the LAS changed its policies to focus first on social justice and later, if the opportunity presented itself, on defending the indigent. The Squawk reacted as any experienced public defender would, with satire.
Woke fantasies aside, the trenches are a tough place, where real people wallow in real misery, and the machinations of the deeply passionate are pretty damned foolish, bordering on dangerous, when applied to reality. This was obvious to Squawk, who understood the job of public defender is to defend the accused. To LAS, this was secondary to assuring that a lockup of killers, dealers and the downtrodden felt heard as to their gender expression.
So in the middle of the night, the LAS pinched the Squawk, brought her to the Star Chamber to force her to admit her heresy and give up the names of others in her coven.
[A] Barbie doll from a notoriously anti-labor law firm retained by our employer – reading aloud our post “Are you a cissie?” “What did you mean by that?” she kept wanting to know. “Yes, you can explain a joke, yes, you can, yes, you can!”
Squawk can pack more satire into a few sentences than anyone I know. The maligned women lawyers, to whom Above The Law has dedicated itself, are now well-employed by Biglaw as Torquemadas. What? You thought they would dedicate themselves to more banal, and low-paying, causes? Not the pretty ones. But that doesn’t mean they grasp parody.
After an hour and a half, Barbie finally came clean and told us what she wanted us to admit: that a reasonable person could read our blog as saying that transgenders are “a myth.” We didn’t understand. They’re perfectly visible and tangible, how could they be a myth?
Barbie may have an 18-inch waist, but she’s still a boob. If “reasonable” is defined as woker than dirt, perhaps. But if “reasonable” means capable of getting out of bed without hurting oneself, Barbie was saying “math is hard.” Squawk, on the other hand, was saying that the newfound LAS obsession with gender identity being more important than defending anyone, transgender or otherwise, was ridiculous.
But Barbie didn’t stop at trying to get Squawk to confess her own heresy. She wanted to know who her fellow travelers were.
She also wanted the emails of the subscribers to the Squawk. But we followed the sterling example of the NY Public Library refusing to disclose the identity of its library card-carriers to Homeland Security. Our readers are safe with us.
Homeland Security has nothing on the Legal Aid Society when it comes to outing the heretics to be burned at the stake.
All because of some humorless prigs who got pissed off at our poking fun at their “trainings” advising us to quiz our clients about gender issues.
If you fear power in the hands of the horrible authoritarians, the witch hunts for the horrifying and exhausting, you can look to the right. And the left. If you thought the wondrous world of extreme empathy and tolerance would be better than the other team, meet Barbie and hand over your email so you can be taken to the Star Chamber to confess as well.
And of all the offenses that outrage the woke, the worst is to have a sense of humor. The Squawk is clearly guilty of Satire in the First Degree. The Legal Aid Society won’t rest until she’s convicted and executed.
Update: Judge Kopf, moved by the circumstances, reached out to the “Dean” of #AppellateTwitter to see if he could get them to take an interest in Squawk’s situation. The Dean was . . . disinterested.
*The name “Appellate Squawk” was picked arbitrarily, but because Squawk does appeals. One might suppose that the castrato chorus at #AppellateTwitter would be singing in her favor. One would be wrong, as they’ve taken no notice of this. The most obvious reason is that there is nothing to be gained by supporting an appellate lawyer who wouldn’t add to their self-congratulatory party. The less obvious reason is that their social justice sensibilities would likely place them closer to Barbie than Squawk.
On the other hand, more serious and prominent appellate lawyers and public defenders, Jeff Gamso, Peter Goldberger and Alex Bunin, aren’t afraid of invoking the wrath of the woke. Unfortunately, the same apparently can’t be said of the Legal Aid Society lawyers’ union.