For reasons that are obviously clearer to the editors of the New York Times than to me, Roxane Gay has taken on the role of Dear Abbey. Why one would choose someone who wallows in outrage and misery to give advice to the lovelorn is a mystery, but could explain the existential angst of so many of its readers, particularly those who survive Michelle Goldberg’s internal emotional turmoil.
So Dear Roxy it is, with no expectation of millennials marrying, having children, not divorcing or finding a guiding philosophy not grounded in nihilism.
Dear Roxane,
I am a 43-year-old, single, never-been-married, educated mother of one and would like advice on love. I’m navigating dating life and need to fully understand the difference between loving someone, being in love and having a soul mate. I love the idea of love and would very much like to spend the rest of my life with a man, but find myself having commitment issues because I am afraid of choosing wrong. I see couples that have been married 10, 15, 20 years who get divorced and seem to be completely fine with it. It’s scary to me because I would like my marriage to last a lifetime. Am I overthinking this totally or being too paranoid? Or do you really never know, because only time will tell?
Sincerely,
Where the hell is the love of my life?
Any other questions?
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You miss everything! She wrote like a 2000 word response! From that:
“I am 44, in a complicated romantic situation, never been married.”
Complicated because it’s with a horse? Alligator? Penguin?
This is what happens when you don’t Facebook. “Complicated” is its own category, like widowed or curious.
How long has Roxane Gay been married?
Define “married”?
I love me, I’m perfect, now change.
If someone wrote a song with that title, it might be chosen on occasion for a wedding anthem.
“Any other questions?” Yeah…
Have you booked your flight? Hotel? Water cannon rental?
See Roxane Gay Live
The New York Times Opinion section presents an evening with Roxane Gay, Michelle Goldberg and Jennine Capó Crucet, hosted by Rachel Dry. Reserve tickets here.
Date:
Friday, Oct. 19, 2018
Time:
7:30 p.m.
Location:
City Arts & Lectures The Nourse Theater 275 Hayes Street San Francisco
(ya better get moving, it’s tonight.)
When did you become her flack?
i suggested you show up with a water cannon….
Any inducement to sell a ticket. You flacks are awful.
You’re gonna make me waste one if my 20 free NYT articles to go read her response? Jeez. This one will be from my incognito browser.
I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.
Paywall workaround – use outline.com/ then the url of the paywalled story. Don’t let Gay get you down on a Friday. I would post the link but that would be just mean.
To fully understand the difference between loving someone, being in love or having a soul mate, she will have to do all three, then compare. Asking somebody else isn’t going to help, especially if that somebody is only capable of loving herself and doesn’t understand the basic concept of “soul mate.” Gay should be able to say that in well less than 2000 words.
Have you considered offering your “soul mate” advice to the NYT?
Upon perusing their Gay response, I see that their goal is to have a lot of words to fill columns, such that even “I don’t know” takes 2000 words. I don’t think I could help them with that.
I have just started to watch “American Horror Story – Cult” on DVD. I am still on Disc 1, but I assume I will soon be getting to the episode where one of the characters sends this letter to the NYT and gets this answer.
I think you’ve got a crush on Roxane.
It’s that obvious?
Oh, those New York girls,
Can’t they dance the polka?
To be fair, I wasn’t sure until your non-denial whether it was a crush on her, or just jealousy that the NYT didn’t want an old, white, curmudgeonly male advice writer.
Just rub it in, why don’t you?
All right, I was tempted a time or two, but resisted. Read the body of this but restrained myself and then you go and dangle this bait before me? You inhuman monster, consider us (slightly more) even!
You knew I was a monster before you clicked.
For the love of God, consider the puppies….
Fault Lines, Noel Erinjeri and Fault Lines, Chris Seaton
“Gay… ”
just describes it all..
Ask any millenial!
Cheap shot. Stop being such a cissy.
Just catching up on some backlog I previously skipped…
Again, with that photo… If anyone else here is experiencing the shakes plus dyspepsia and/or nauseousness, for a limited time we’re offering a combo Xanax+Maalox special here at the ‘rest spa’.
By the way, since both you and Guitardave seemed to be at a loss* on the day of your post…
*I’m going to chalk it up to a case of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).
This may be the first appearance of Prine on SJ. Damn, I haven’t heard that in forever.