Deputy Miranda knocked on Sheriff Roy’s office door.
“Sheriff?”
“Yes, Deputy…um, “Si, Señor?”
Miranda sighed. “With all due respect, Sheriff, I don’t know if you’re screwing with me or if this is a good faith effort to show me some respect due to my Latinx heritage. You know I speak English fluently. You knew that when you hired me.”
Sheriff Roy’s face reddened. “It was meant as nothing but good intentions, Deputy. I just want to make sure you feel welcome here in Mud Lick.”
“We’ve got bigger problems than my “diversity hire” status, Sheriff. Word in town is Old Man George is starting cockfights this week.”
“Which Old Man George, Deputy?”
“George…I think his name is Cocke?”
“Exactly why it’s not a problem, Deputy Miranda. All we need to do is make sure no one gets out of hand when he starts the Cockefights.”
“I’m not clear on what we’re talking about, Sheriff.”
“That’s because you’re not from around here, Deputy,” Sheriff Roy said as he kicked his feet up on his desk, resting his hands behind his head.
“George Cocke is an old time carny and a former wrestling promoter. He moved to Mud Lick when the territories dried up and started farming. He owns part of Garage 66, but sometimes the revenue from stripping geolocation trucks for parts doesn’t pay the bills, so he stages “The Cockefights” to make up for missed income.
The Cockes are all rooted in old carny traditions, and not a one of his kids can stand each other. So Old Man George will set up a tent on the outskirts of Mud Lick and charge five bucks a head for townies to watch a real life honest to Bear Bryant family feud.
Usually the main event is a Toughman match between Stan and Carl Cocke, hence the name “Cockefight.” Sometimes they’ll bring in a trained bear and wager three grand no one can ground the grizzly. Recently the heftiest of the Cockes, Big Jim and Hardcore Harry, started an eating competition called “Beat the Gobbling Cockes.”
Deputy Miranda started smirking at Sheriff Roy’s last remark. “Watch yourself, Deputy Miranda,” warned the Sheriff. “You’d be wise to show the Cockes a measure of respect when you’re in this town.”
“What do you mean, Sheriff?”
“Get a grip, Deputy. The family’s spent their lives living with the surname “Cocke.” All of them are trained fighters carrying massive chips on their shoulders. Old Man George’s kids lived their entire life taunted with the notion their daddy’s profession was ‘fake.’ What do you think they’ll do if they catch you making a joke about their family name?”
Deputy Miranda’s face grew serious again. “I guess I need to learn to keep my mouth shut and do my job until I learn how things work around here.”
“Outstanding deduction, Deputy Miranda,” smiled Sheriff Roy. “I just figured out your next assignment.” He tossed a ten dollar bill at Deputy Miranda. “You’re going to the Cockefights this weekend to get a taste of Mud Lick life, and I need someone there to make sure my nimrod brother of a Fire Chief is keeping everything nice and clean in his department.
“Chief Thomas is your brother, Sheriff?”
“Yes, and you’re wise to ask no further questions about our relationship. Just go watch the Cockefights, make sure no paying customers try to get in on the action, and let me know if Chief Thomas lets the venue get over capacity ASAP. Are we clear?”
“You got it, Sheriff.”
“Outstanding. Dismissed, Deputy Miranda.”
And all was well in Mud Lick. The Cockefights went off without a hitch, and residents spoke of the bloody, violent, gluttonous Cockes for weeks afterwards.
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“What do you think they’ll do …”
TIL the etymology of the word “cocky.”
I’m not one for rumor or innuendo, but word has it Deputy Tyrone got the way he is after spending a little too much time in Old Man George’s infamous “Sugar Hold.”
Publisher Frank Coffee has decided to take Starbucks on head-to-head, and has convinced Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Ray Leonard and Ray Robinson to invest in his new venture “Coffee with Kareem and two Sugars.”
CLS,
I have it on very good authority that Deputy Miranda’s full name is Ernesto Arturo Miranda. Did you leave out that little detail on purpose?
All the best.
RGK
Wow. Just wow. . .
Your Honor, as I told my mean-ass editor last night, there’s layers to this stuff. Sometimes it goes over peoples’ heads, like last week. You caught one easter egg this time. Well done!
CLS, if you haven’t already you might try an author and satirist of all things outdoors, Patrick McManus. Your style and his are sympatico. I grew up on his short stories.
Example about deer hunting with a friend: “You drive to the base of a promising canyon and agree to split up, one on the left rim and one on the right. The plan is to meet up at the top of the canyon. The next time you see each other is a May school board meeting in Pocatello.”
Does this need a Miranda warning?
Simply a case of the Sheriff benignly preparing Deputy Miranda for the next assignment – Attending the “Bama opener tomorrow against those wusses from Duke, and reporting back on whether Duke ends up looking like the loser of a Cockefight – as would only be righteous.