Seaton: My Replacement For Jen Psaki

I don’t like to start these off with a negative tone, but let’s face it. Jen Psaki is the drizzling shits as White House Press Secretary. She’s boring, dull, and as engaging as drying paint.

I propose a bold solution. Replace Jen Psaki with Luis Fernandez-Gil.

Luis Fernandez-Gil is a Spanish Telenovela actor I first saw in the El Rey TV series “Lucha Underground.” His work playing the sniveling, scheming promoter “Dario Cueto” was so good fans would greet him with chants of “Jefe!” at live shows.

President Biden, we need a better press secretary. Hire Luis Fernandez-Gil as Press Secretary and let him be Dario Cueto at press briefings.

I submit an Ask Me Anything the actor did in character while “Lucha Underground”‘was on the air as proof he’d make press briefings more interesting.

That YouTube video is a good one to get you up to speed on proposed Press Secretary Fernandez-Gil’s demeanor.

So why him besides the fact this guy used to play a character on TV I liked once? Glad you asked. I’ve thought this through. Sort of. Scotch might have been involved.

First, he’s a far better “diversity hire” than Psaki. In an administration inclusive to all who better to serve as Press Secretary than a Spanish national here on a work visa? Sure beats the previous administration’s preference for vanilla boot-lickers.

Second, Mr. President, let’s be honest here. You’re going to get a boat load more puff pieces and nice treatment from the press than the guy before you, but wouldn’t it be nice to have someone on staff with experience properly dressing loudmouths down?

Mr. Fernandez-Gil is a charismatic, good looking guy who can work a crowd. As far as I’m concerned that makes him an ideal candidate for Press Secretary. From what I’ve read of the guy his background made him a natural at old school promos so you could tell him “You have three minutes, hit these points, go” and he’d thrive in front of cameras like a fish to water.

It’s a no brainer, Mr. President. Also, since you kind of fucked over people who care about the criminal justice system by putting Kamala Harris a heartbeat away from this nation’s highest office I think you owe me one here.

To everyone else: Happy Friday! Here’s to a great weekend, and remember: no matter how bad you think your week’s been, at least a self professed middle aged crazy man on the Internet isn’t telling everyone an actor could do your job better.

10 thoughts on “Seaton: My Replacement For Jen Psaki

  1. David Meyer-Lindenberg

    Mr. President […] since you kind of fucked over people who care about the criminal justice system by putting Kamala Harris a heartbeat away from this nation’s highest office I think you owe me one here.

    Gonna get this as a new back tattoo, ellipsis and all. Bit long but I’ve been working on my lats lately.

  2. L. Phillips

    So you are trying to inject a bit of intelligence and humor into the public face of this administration? Yeah, it was the scotch, cheap scotch at that.

  3. Skink

    Second hand, I’ve seen a bunch of Spanish-language shows. It’s second hand because I refuse to learn a single word of Spanish because I get yelled at in Spanish. If I don’t know what she’s saying, the arguments are shorter.

    I’ve seen enough shows to know that I’d prefer the bumblebee guy in this position, but he’s dead.

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