Seaton: AI Writes The Friday Funny

Most of you might have heard of ChatGPT these days. It’s an AI chatbot that can do an amazing number of things from selling sprockets to writing episodes of “Friends.”

Because I am busy this week I’ve outsourced the Friday Funny to ChatGPT.

I blame the robots for taking my job.

Tell a humorous story about cash bail.

One humorous story about cash bail involves a man who was arrested for a minor offense and taken to the local jail. When it came time to pay his bail, the man realized that he had left his wallet at home and didn’t have any cash on him. He asked the jailer if he could pay his bail with a credit card, but the jailer said that was not allowed.

The man then remembered that he had a gift card for a popular fast food restaurant in his pocket. He offered to pay his bail with the gift card, thinking that it would be good for a couple of burgers at the very least. The jailer, amused by the man’s ingenuity, agreed to accept the gift card as payment for the bail.

The man was released from jail and went straight to the fast food restaurant, where he was able to use the gift card to buy a meal. However, when he tried to order a second meal using the same card, the cashier told him that the card had been cancelled. It turned out that the jailer had called the restaurant to verify the value of the gift card and had accidentally cancelled it in the process.

The man was forced to call a friend to come and pay his bail in cash, but he couldn’t help but laugh about the whole situation afterwards. He joked that he had been “burgered” by the jailer.

Make Alex Jones a Batman Villain

Alex Jones, known as the “Infowars Crusader,” is a notorious conspiracy theorist and purveyor of fake news. His constant barrage of false claims and erratic behavior have earned him the scorn of many, including the Dark Knight himself.

As a Batman villain, Jones would likely go by the name “The Misinformation Master,” using his platform to spread lies and sow chaos in Gotham City. He would be a formidable opponent for the Caped Crusader, using his charisma and his loyal followers to wreak havoc on the city.

Jones would have no superpowers, but he would be armed with a vast array of gadgets and weapons, including a high-tech microphone that can amplify his voice to dangerous levels, and a powerful propaganda machine that can manipulate the minds of the masses.

His ultimate goal would be to plunge Gotham into anarchy, and to create a world where his twisted version of the truth reigns supreme. Batman would have to use all of his skills and resources to take down The Misinformation Master and restore order to the city.

Compose a Haiku about Kanye West.

Kanye West, a star
Flashing lights and Yeezy shoes
Rap’s provocateur

Write a Saturday Night Live episode featuring the Iron Sheik.

The episode opens with the Iron Sheik, played by himself, entering the stage to a chorus of boos from the audience. He begins his monologue by berating them and declaring his love for America, before breaking into a rant about his nemesis Hulk Hogan.

In the first sketch, the Iron Sheik is a guest on a talk show where he is interviewed by a clueless host played by Amy Poehler. The Sheik becomes increasingly agitated as the host mispronounces his name and asks him inane questions, eventually snapping and attacking her.

In the second sketch, the Iron Sheik plays a bumbling security guard at a high-end jewelry store, where he is tasked with protecting a valuable necklace. However, his incompetence and short fuse quickly lead to chaos, as he accidentally destroys the necklace and takes hostages.

The third sketch features the Iron Sheik as a guest on a cooking show, where he demonstrates his famous “Camel Clutch Chili” recipe. However, things take a turn when he becomes frustrated with the host’s questions and challenges him to a wrestling match, causing destruction in the kitchen.

The episode ends with a musical performance by Kanye West, who is interrupted by the Iron Sheik storming the stage and challenging him to a rap battle. The two engage in a heated exchange, before being subdued by security and taken offstage.

Summarize “A Charlie Brown Christmas” for a five year old.

In “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” Charlie Brown is feeling sad because he doesn’t understand the true meaning of Christmas. His friends try to help him by having a Christmas play, but it doesn’t go well. Then Charlie Brown meets a little tree that needs his help, and he realizes that Christmas is about love and being kind to others.

Write an episode of Friends featuring my mean-ass editor Scott Greenfield.

It was a typical day at Central Perk, with the friends gathered around their usual table. Joey was recounting a ridiculous audition he had just gone through, and the group was laughing at his antics.

Suddenly, the door to the coffee shop burst open and in walked Scott Greenfield, the group’s mean-ass editor. Scott was known for being tough on his writers, and the group immediately tensed up at his presence.

Scott strode up to the table and glared at the group. “I’m here to see Monica,” he announced gruffly.

Monica looked up, surprised. “What’s up, Scott?” she asked nervously.

Scott pulled out a manuscript from his briefcase and slammed it down on the table. “This is your latest work, Monica,” he said, his voice dripping with contempt. “It’s absolute garbage. How could you submit something so poorly written?”

Monica’s face turned red with embarrassment and anger. “Scott, I worked really hard on that manuscript,” she protested.
Scott sneered at her. “Hard work doesn’t mean anything if the end result is crap,” he said cruelly. “You need to do better, Monica. Much better. Or else you can kiss your writing career goodbye.”

With that, Scott turned on his heel and stalked out of the coffee shop, leaving a stunned and hurt Monica behind. The group tried to console her, but she was too upset to listen.

“I can’t believe Scott would be so mean,” Ross muttered, shaking his head.

“That’s just how he is,” Chandler replied grimly. “He’s a tough editor, but he’s also known for being a total jerk.”

The group spent the rest of the day trying to cheer up Monica, but it was clear that Scott’s harsh words had deeply affected her. It would take a lot of hard work and determination for her to bounce back from this blow to her confidence.

And I’m done dear readers. Apparently AI is funnier than I’ll ever be.

Happy Friday! Here’s to the weekend, and no matter how bad your week’s been just remember : artificial intelligence didn’t write your jokes this week!

We’ll see you next week everyone!

12 thoughts on “Seaton: AI Writes The Friday Funny

  1. Elpey P.

    “As a Batman villain, Jones would likely go by the name ‘The Misinformation Master’….he would be armed with a vast array of gadgets and weapons, including a high-tech microphone that can amplify his voice to dangerous levels, and a powerful propaganda machine that can manipulate the minds of the masses…to create a world where his twisted version of the truth reigns supreme.”

    Holy unauthorized competition, Batman. This sounds like the work of The Meddler. We must act fast to save Gotham’s monopoly!

      1. Earl Wertheimer

        If you’re Robin, you’re goin’ to jail…

        Yes, I know it’s not Tuesday… but I could not resist…

  2. Mike V.

    “And I’m done dear readers. Apparently AI is funnier than I’ll ever be.”

    Nothing is funnier than Sheriff Roy and the good citizens of Mudlick. That is something AI just cannot do Southern, I’m thinking.

    1. j a higginbotham

      You are correct as “write a short story about good old Southern boy Sherriff Roy of Mudlick, Alabama” shows.

  3. Nigel Declan

    Artificial intelligence is the best argument against the use of sans serif fonts, because whenever I read the headlines, my first thought is always (All Caps used for clarity): Who is AL? Why does anyone care what AL thinks?

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