“Muscles and Mayhem,” the Netflix docuseries about the game show “American Gladiators,” has my attention these days. Maybe it’s because I like having large segments of my childhood ruined. I mean honestly, it’s hard enough for me at times to swallow that many of the people I used to admire were on anabolic steroids—among other substances.

But then one asshole just took over the entire series, and I knew I needed to know more. His name was Elden Kidd.

I’m going to warn all of you in advance most of what I know about Elden Kidd is pieced together from interviews with the man and puff pieces written in places like GQ, so keep that in mind as you read this.

Elden is also known to lie whenever and wherever it suits him, so take everything he says with a grain of salt.

A lapsed Mormon, Elden Kidd billed himself as an “Adventure Travel Guide” when he appeared on the 1989-1990 season of American Gladiators. He was the oldest competitor in the season at 36, and this fact was played up many times during Elden’s appearances. Allegedly, Elden got on the show when a producer joked that if he could make one of his fellow tryouts bleed he would get on the show.

Elden, who actually came on the show at the suggestion of his father because his “Adventure Travel Guide” job wasn’t earning any money, threw a forearm up in the tryout, a fellow contestant bled, and Elden Kidd ended up on American Gladiators.

When Kidd finally made it on the show, that forearm shot would earn him a place in show history as “the dirtiest contestant in American Gladiators history.”

Let’s take one specific event from the show that really stands out: Cannonball. This, if you’ve never seen it, involves contestants on a rope swing and Gladiators standing on pedestals with huge pads. The idea was the competitors would swing as hard and fast as they could at the Gladiators, who had to stop from falling off their pedestal with the pad they held as a shield. If the contestant knocked a gladiator off, they got points.

Elden took off on his attempts and led with that forearm again, knocking Gladiators Gemini and Nitro off their respective platforms. The Gladiators complained to the one referee looking at the event Kidd used an illegal forearm shiver in the event, which the ref agreed with and docked Kidd three points for his attempt against Nitro.

Kidd would address the forearm saying he didn’t know that he’d extended the forearm during his swing, claiming he had a “forearm sized imprint” on his body from tucking the arm in during the swing, and that if by some chance he hit a Gladiator with that forearm, he was very sorry.

Elden would admit in “Muscles and Mayhem” all of this was a lie. And he didn’t change his attack on Cannonball; after getting docked three points against Nitro, he threw another forearm against Laser in the next round!

Another Gladiator who met Elden’s forearm was Titan, who got so mad at the incident that the relatively diminutive Gladiator actually lost his cool and chased the referee into the stands, even after the ref disqualified Kidd! Titan, by the way, was never invited back for another season of American Gladiators. Supposedly his outburst was a factor in the network testing the Gladiators for PEDs and recreational drugs going forward.

Elden apologized after the forearm shot to Titan. That too, Elden says, was a lie.

Kidd dominated in every event, coming into the Eliminator round with a handy lead. However, Elden claims he was taken aside off camera by show producers and told he would need to battle another, much fresher contestant, after his Eliminator round to win the cash prize.

The “Adventure Guide” said no. He was tired, and he didn’t want to do the games anymore. So, according to Elden, the producers manufactured a bunch of extra point scenarios on the fly for his opponent and handed him the win instead.

So Elden didn’t get the cash prize or the win, but he still found a way to make money. Turns out the “Adventure Travel Guide” was actually a coyote. Yes, Elden Kidd was pretty damn good at finding ways to sneak people across the Southern US border,* charging anywhere from $1000-$5000 depending on where someone was from.

If you were a kid, however, Elden would sneak you across the border for free because he allegedly loved giving kids a better shot at a good life.

Allegedly.

Anyway, this fucking guy gets caught by Mexican law enforcement and thrown in prison for smuggling marijuana over the border. Kidd was afraid since he didn’t really speak Spanish at the time and he didn’t know if he’d fare well in a Mexican prison.

Fortunately for Elden, the prisoners and guards recognized him from his time on “American Gladiators” and chose not to mess with him as a result. Certain prisoners even came to Kidd for protection over this!

Kidd was eventually let back into the USA on a program that allowed US residents in Mexican prisons to serve their time on their home country’s soil. On release, he became that most reviled of criminal in American jurisprudence: a snitch, detailing for authorities how he brought people across the border and how other smugglers accomplished the same feat.

These days, Kidd lives somewhere near Riverside, California with his current wife and her two children. Allegedly, he’s content to just make TV and podcast appearances these days.

Allegedly.

That’s all for this week, folks! Have a great weekend, and remember: no matter how bad your week’s been at least you didn’t get chased around an arena by a Gladiator in the throes of ‘roid rage!

We’ll see you next time!

*Ed. Note: East and west of the Rio Grande.