Alaska. The 49th State. The Final Frontier of the United States. A place where getting lost in nature means you quite possibly die. Yes, this was where I chose to vacation for about a week and a half.

I never said this was going to be relaxing, did I? In fact, it was a vacation with my massive 15 person family. Yes, we’re those people on vacation who gleefully take up an entire elevator or a charter bus. And we all go on vacations together.

As an aside, if you’re in the service industry and an SJ reader, tell me if you see my family at your place of business. I’ll apologize in advance and adjust my tip upwards accordingly.

What follows is a brief description of the stops I made during this adventure. First is Seattle, a city I’ve wanted to visit since I was a teenager. Then onward to the cruise ship Discovery Princess, Juneau, Skagway, Glacier Bay National Park, and Ketchikan before returning home.

Our cruise ship made a stop in Victoria, British Columbia Canada, but no one in their right minds got off at that port of call. I’ll explain when I get to it. Trust me.

SEATTLE:

Land of good seafood, Grunge music, and a very unique sense of individualism, Seattle has been a bucket list place to visit since I first heard Kurt Cobain howl “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

It’s a place of obsession for many, though. I heard Anthony Bourdain say once the Pacific Northwest was home to more people with singular obsessions over being the best at one thing in particular than any place he visited. And it’s evident in the craft booths in Pike’s Place Market, the artisanal brew houses, and small family owned pizza joints that know what you want before you order it.

Seattle-Tacoma Airport was the first place I experienced on this vacation and it definitely lived up to the crunchy vibe I expected. From the “All Gender-Identity Inclusive” bathrooms to the constant reminders failure to recycle subjects ones to severe civil fines and penalties, Seattle’s general id is that of Vermont’s without the cows, good ice cream and gun ownership.

Marijuana is legal but not pervasive in Seattle. This was nice as I smelled burning joints only twice during my three days there. I’m not against marijuana, I was merely grateful I didn’t have to explain what the skunky smell in the air was to my kids.

Points of interest were the Chiluly Glass and Garden Museum and the Seattle Museum of Pop Culture. The latter was especially interesting for the collection of music and movie memorabilia. One can view Keanu Reeve’s coat from “The Matrix,” Kurt Cobain’s signature cardigan sweater, and the Fender Stratocaster JIMI GODDAMN HENDRIX PLAYED AT WOODSTOCK all in a day.

The Space Needle is a unique tourist trap to Seattle and only surpassed in ridiculousness by Knoxville’s own Sun Sphere. At least there’s interesting views atop the Space Needle. We got a damn gold ball that houses a restaurant for our World’s Fair. If you decide to purchase alcohol, on either observation deck of the Space Needle, please know in advance you must finish your drink before traversing floors.

(I got yelled at for this when one of my kids decided to dash down a floor to view the moving platforms. Don’t be me.)

Some of the best sushi I’ve ever had was in Seattle. Which one would expect, because it’s a port town. I dug the place Dr. Seaton selected when we decided on sushi one night.

Traveling the city was very easy once we got a feel for where stuff was. You can take a light rail into most parts of the city for a couple of bucks round trip. A local told me no one actually pays for tickets and no one will bat an eye if you skip on fares, but I don’t roll like that. There’s also a monorail that will take you into the city center (where the Space Needle and museums are located) for about $5 per person.

My last spot visited in Seattle was the port where our cruise ship was docked.

And where I started the single most fun and stressful week of my life.

But for those stories, you’re going to have to come back next week, dear readers.

See you then!