Greetings, friends! Have any of you driven two and a half hours away from your home to dine at a tourist bar owned by a country music singer because your spouse happened to be in that town for a continuing education seminar and they wanted to eat there? Did you have to listen to both of your kids bitch about traffic the entire goddamn way there?

No? I guess that’s pretty specific to visiting Gatlinburg.

If you’ve never been to Gatlinburg it can be pretty time consuming. Someone recently told me they thought it was what you’d get if you transported a beach resort town to the foot of the Great Smoky Mountains. I said it was the only place I knew where you could buy a ninja sword and a funnel cake on the same city block.

Anyway, the beautiful and talented Dr. S. decided about two weeks ago she wanted to do her in-person continuing education at a hotel in Gatlinburg last weekend. As a result she wanted to dine at a Blake Shelton owned Gatlinburg eatery called “Ole Red.”

“Ole Red” is a bar with a gift shop that pretends to be a restaurant. It does have great hot wings and a nice variant of hot chicken and waffles. They also serve kids meals in dog bowls which my two children thought was an amazing idea. I don’t know why Blake Shelton thinks it’s okay to serve children in dog bowls but I don’t judge as a parent. I know he’s married to Gwen Stefani and that’s got to be a lot for one man.

Anyway the drive back was substantially better than the drive in. Exiting Gatlinburg is done on different roads than entering the same area and that’s a godsend when you’re trying to get the hell out of that mountain tourist trap. Seriously, there’s a reason one only goes to Gatlinburg annually if you’re smart. You go to experience what you wanted, remind yourself that damn drive is the reason you go once a year and you leave it at that.

Normally being in a car with my kids for four hours would set me into a grumpy mood, the likes of which my mean-ass editor only occasionally sees. But not this week, friends. Because this week? It’s my kids’ Fall Break.

Which means it’s time for the annual October Staycation!

Tomorrow morning when I get up I’m going to smile because I’ll take my kids to school, give them hugs and wish them the best day possible because I don’t have to go to work.

Then I’ll go back home, turn on the TV in my living room, and take the nap my body’s been demanding for what seems like months.

See y’all next week!