Some might think that I, as a criminal defense lawyer, would take comfort in the serial failures of the Department of Justice and its United States Attorneys’ offices across the country. The flight of career prosecutors, inability to secure indictments despite the minimal threshold of probable cause, dismissal of case after case, should bring joy to my tribe, right? Except I’m also an American, a law-abiding citizen, and a human being, and crime, per se, is a bad thing. I don’t want people harmed or victims to suffer.

In the past day, two high profile things happened which were so stunningly wrong, so fundamentally, laughably incompetent, as to conclusively demonstrate that the United States Department of Justice (or Trump’s personal machinery for vanity and vengeance) is utterly incompetent.

The first is the new indictment of James Comey, a farcical accusation that his instagram post of “8647” was a serious threat to assassinate Trump. It’s been universally ridiculed and shredded, and you don’t need me to explain why it’s both unconstitutional and legally insufficient again. And yet, here is the Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche (or Trump’s personal attorney in charge of vanity and vengeance) phumphering over the simplest of questions.

The second is the application to Judge Richard Leon seeking an “indicative ruling” that he won’t stay the construction of the ballroom should the circuit remand the case. For kicks, here’s what Associate United States Attorney (third in the DoJ line of succession) Stanley Woodward submitted to the court.

“The National Trust for Historic Preservation” is a beautiful name, but even their name is FAKE because when they add the words “in the United States” to the National Trust for Historic Preservation, it makes it sound like a Governmental Agency, which it is not. In fact, the United States refused to continue funding it in 2005 because they strongly disagreed with their mission and objectives. They are very bad for our Country. They stop many projects that are worthy, and hurt many others. In this case, they are trying to stop one that is vital to our National Security, and the Safety of all Presidents of the United States, both current and future, their families, staff, and Cabinet members. They were asked by the United States Military not to bring this suit because of the Top Secret nature of the important facility being built. They were shown detailed plans and specifications of this knitted, unified, and cohesive structure by Top Officers and Leaders in both the Military and Secret Service. But this did not deter them because they suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome, commonly referred to as TDS, as noted by Democrat Senator John Fetterman, of Pennsylvania, and are represented by the lawyer for Barack Hussein Obama, Gregory Craig. The lower section of the building does not work without the upper section and, likewise, the upper section of the building does not work without the lower. It is all one highly integrated unit! As an example, one venting system, one electrical system, one plumbing system, one security system, one air conditioning and heating system, one elevator connector and, very importantly, one structural steel and enforced concrete system — and more. Even the bullet proof windows and glass, and the heavy steel, drone proof roof, protect what is below. With such a facility, it would have been impossible for an attack like that which took place last Saturday evening in D.C. when an attempted assassin, armed with a shotgun, pistol, and knives, charged through a security checkpoint at the Washington Hilton in an attempt to assassinate President Donald J. Trump, First Lady Melania Trump, and members of the President’s Cabinet and senior staff, during the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. The Secret Service fortunately neutralized the assassin before he could reach the ballroom. However, Saturday’s narrow miss—which marks the third assassination attempt on President Trump since 2024—confirms what should have already been obvious: Presidents need a secure space for large events, that currently does not exist in Washington, D.C., and this Court’s injunction stalling this Project cannot defensibly continue, for the sake of the safety of President Trump, future Presidents, and their families, Cabinets, and staff. Defendants thus request that this Court issue an indicative ruling under Rule 62.1 that it will dissolve its injunction. Three assassination attempts—including the attempt in Butler, Pennsylvania, where an assassin’s bullet hit the President’s ear—is enough. There is absolutely no argument that a woman walking her dog in the vicinity of the White House has STANDING to stop such a desperately needed structure for the people of the United States of America, as it will provide Presidents, current and future, a secure space to do their jobs.

Ordinarily, I would break up such absurdly long blocks of text to aid in readability, but in this instance, it seems best to leave Woodword’s prose untouched so you get the full flavor of the DoJ submission. As with the Comey indictment, no further explanation is needed to point out that this is one of the most bizarre, absurd and incompetent writings to ever appear under the hand of a justice department lawyer.

There is more, but this was more than enough to raise the very serious question of whether the United States Department of Justice can recover from this collapse of competence. An old pal, who shall remain nameless to avoid the harangue of the MAGA faithful, similarly saw the problem. As he was once an AUSA, and thus held the integrity, independence and competency of the DoJ nearer and dearer than do I, he brings better insight to the situation than I, as a perpetual adversary, do. He was not sanguine about the prospects.

But that’s not the point, is it? The point of the indictment is to demonstrate that the United States Department of Justice is wholly an instrument of Donald Trump’s senescent pique, no more independent of him than a boil on his ass. The point is to show that the administration can, and will, use the Department’s mechanisms to punish enemies. The point is to show that the Department can, and will, punish protected speech. The point is to show that the Department is staffed by committed fanatics willing to do anything, however unethical and unconstitutional, to promote Trump.

The point is to show that in the war between Donald Trump and the U.S. Department of Justice, Trump has won. Now they’re on the field slitting the throats of the wounded and looting bodies.

The road back to credibility for the Department will be long and arduous. I do not expect it to recoup its presumption of regularity or respect within a generation. Trump has twisted it beyond recognition, as we also saw today in this humiliatingly buffoonish pleading in the East Wing case.

There is very good and real reason to be deeply worried that the enshittified DoJ may not be able to recover from the damage done. Much as I’ve challenged it, criticized it, and occasionally condemned it, it does serve a salutary purpose and is critically important in the maintenance of law and order in the United States.

Will it take a generation to restore its integrity? Will competent and honest young lawyers want to be federal prosecutors again?  Will judges be able to trust the word of AUSAs and accept the presumption of regularity? What damage will be done during the generation of restoration to the nation after this administration’s collapse of competency in the service of Trump?