Prefatory note: The following are excerpts from a pamphlet I found in a gas station bathroom in White Pine, Tennessee titled “Get Jobbed: Buford Fink’s Guide to Gainful Employment.” A number on the back of said pamphlet offered life coaching if one called 1-900-U-JOBBER.

I present this to your without further comment.—CLS

Your goal when seeking employment is to fill out as many job applications as you can each day. Volume is more important than quality. You can’t be too choosy when trying to get a new job. Since you’re aiming for a high volume of job applications, don’t actually bother reading the job listings. Reading’s for suckers and all you really need to know is who and where to send your resume. Continue reading →

To be fair, shorts and hoodies were pretty much John Fetterman’s brand, and they reflected the reason he was elected to be the junior senator from Pennsylvania. To also be fair, he ran for Senate knowing that there were rules of decorum which included a dress code. If he wanted to wear hoodies on the job, Fetterman should have run for a job where hoodies were part of the deal. Instead, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer decided that it was better to change the rules for Fetterman than require Fetterman comply with the rules.

The recent decision by Senator Chuck Schumer, Democrat of New York and the majority leader, to relax the Senate’s informal dress code and allow members to enter the chamber in casual attire, or even gym clothes, has set off waves of consternation and cries of dismay in the stuffy upper chamber. Many senators, mostly Republicans, have publicly expressed concerns along the same lines as Mr. Vance’s, and privately have said that the change could harm America’s standing on the international stage.

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Perhaps the thing I find most unforgivable is lying. In the past, I’ve written that the one thing lost that cannot be regained is integrity, the belief that you can trust a person’s word to be true, or at least presented with the sincere belief that it’s true, even if it’s mistaken. I can tolerate mistakes. I can tolerate stupidity. Tolerating liars is another matter.

Am I a dinosaur? It appears that I may be, as Kat Rosenfeld writes about how the righteous no longer concern themselves with lies, per se, as long as the lies serve to allow them to feel virtuous about themselves. Continue reading →

Had she not pounded over and over that her “When They See Us” Netflix drama was the truth, not like “the lies they told us,” Ava DuVernay might not be looking forward to finding herself at the defendants’ table for the defamation trial brought by former Manhattan Sex Crime Chief Linda Fairstein. Had Netflix prefaced its pseudo-docudrama with the standard disclaimer, that they made it all up to get people to watch it, they wouldn’t be sitting next to DuVernay.

But they didn’t, and now they will be sitting together as Southern District of New York Judge Kevin Castel has denied the defendants summary judgment on all five instances where they defamed Fairstein. Continue reading →

It was one of those moments when, had I been drinking at the time, there was an excellent chance I would have spit all over my computer screen. Scott Hechinger, who has dedicated himself to telling his distorted version of reality since leaving Brooklyn Defenders to start his media activist site, “Zealou.us” twitted that Teen Vogue was “the best justice journalism outlet in the country.” Apparently, it’s not just about anal sex anymore.

But the particular point being made had to do with the magazine posting of a short video about “copaganda.” It’s a word that’s used by reformers to smear media’s presentation of crime and criminal justice issues either primarily from the perspective of official channels like law enforcement or to hype outlier anecdotes to create the impression that crime is rampant by feeding the public a steady stream of crime stories. Continue reading →

Nobody forced special counsel nee United States Attorney David Weiss to indict Hunter Biden on gun charges that were both already conceded and, more importantly, the sort of charges that were essentially never charged absent a connection to some more serious crime. The only reason seems to be the ethereal pressure to do something, now that he was special counsel and the claim was that Hunter received special treatment.

Of course, those who desperately wanted Hunter Biden to be held to account were talking not about the gun charges, lying on form 4473 and possessing a gun while being a crackhead, but his business dealings, the millions paid to this crackhead who possessed no skill greater than being a vice president’s son. And that was because the vice president, who loved his son, was willing to let himself be used by his son to make millions, even if he never got any of that money himself. Continue reading →

John Henry Wigmore called cross examination “the greatest legal engine ever invented for the discovery of truth.” A non-lawyer partner of the disgraced Brett Socolow in TNG, a Title IX consulting business working for colleges to assure the conviction of males accused of sexual assault, Joseph Vincent, expressed a different view to the New York Times.

But Joseph Vincent, an advisory board member of the Association of Title IX Administrators, expressed skepticism about the value of adversarial cross-examinations in campus sexual assault hearings. Continue reading →

A wise fiddler once said, “it’s no crime to be poor, but it’s no great honor either.” This came to mind when an advertisement appeared on the subway for Dove’s #FreeThePits promotion. We all have armpits, but why would anyone want to make them the focus? No one (at least to my knowledge) ever walked around admiring women’s svelte hairless pits, although some judged the more natural pits harshly. Not the braided ones, but the hairy ones.

Frankly, I never understood why, and suspected it was mostly women judging other women, as few men I knew spent much time thinking about women’s armpits. Apparently, the folks at Dove picked up on this and thought they could buy themselves some good will with a subway ad that pushed the issue to the forefront. Continue reading →

A veteran goes into a job interview with the USDA.

He sits down with the interviewer. “This is pretty straightforward,” the interviewer says. “I’ll ask you some questions. Your answers will be assigned points. If you get enough points you get the job. Make sense?”

The veteran nods.

“We can start with an obvious one. You’re a veteran, so that’s five points. Do you have any allergies?”

“I’m allergic to coffee,” the veteran replies.

“Okay, that’s another five points. Do you have any disabilities?”

“Yeah, sort of. I lost both of my testicles in an IED explosion in Afghanistan.”

The interviewer checks off another box and says “Okay, that’s fifteen points total. I can definitely offer you the job. It’s from 8 to 5 Monday through Friday but I want you to come in at 10 on Monday.”

“Why ten if it’s from eight to five?” the veteran asks.

“Sir, this is a government job. All we do for the first two hours each day is drink coffee and scratch our balls, and since you can’t do either…”

It’s the close of World War 2 and an American soldier is on a train going from France to England.

He searches for an empty seat on the train—he’s quite tired from all the fighting—but there’s nothing to be had. The closest thing he can spot to an empty seat is one being occupied by a high society lady’s frou-frou dog.

“Ma’am,” the soldier says as he approaches the woman, “I’m on my way home from the war, there’s not another seat on this train, and I’m so very tired. Could you please move your dog so I can sit down?”

The woman scoffs indignantly. “Americans! So rude and presumptuous!”

The solider hears this, decides he wants nothing to do with the woman, so he makes another lap of the train. With no seats becoming available, he finds himself back in front of the high society lady.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you again, but there’s no other seats on this train. I’m extremely tired and just want to sit for a little while. Could you please move your dog?”

Again the woman scoffs indignantly. “It looks like Americans can’t take no for an answer either!”

On hearing this the soldier closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. After uttering a short prayer to God asking forgiveness, he then picks up the dog, throws the yappy little mutt out of the train window, and finally sits down to rest.

The woman screams for someone on the train to defend her honor.

A British gentleman who witnessed everything approaches the soldier. Shaking his head, he says “My dear boy, you Americans seem to have a knack for doing everything the wrong way. You eat food with your fork in the wrong hand, you drive on the wrong side of the road, and now you’ve gone and thrown the wrong bitch off the train!”

I know I said two. Here’s one more I just thought of.

A man orders a latte at Starbucks. He takes a sip and immediately spits it out.

“Ma’am? This coffee tastes like mud,” he complains to the barista.

The barista shrugs her shoulders and says “Well, it was just ground this morning!”

That should get us through the day. If anyone’s got any decent jokes, feel free to share ‘em.

Happy Friday, everyone! Remember, no matter how bad your week’s been, at least you weren’t a nearly eighty year old white guy with a Snidely Whiplash mustache spotted at the New York Stock Exchange in a lavender suit and doo-rag!

We’ll see you next week!

Reverting to her millennial roots, Michelle Goldberg writes of Mitt Romney’s “tragic ambivalence” because of his failure to go full woke on Trump as he explained his retirement from the Senate.

Rolling out the announcement that he won’t run for re-election, Senator Mitt Romney of Utah has framed it as a passing of the torch. “At the end of another term, I’d be in my mid-80s,” he said in a video statement. “Frankly it’s time for a new generation of leaders. They’re the ones that need to make the decisions that will shape the world they will be living in.” He clearly means this as a rebuke to the 80-year-old Joe Biden and the 77-year-old Donald Trump, neither of whom, he said, “are leading their party” to confront the major issues facing our country. “The next generation of leaders must take America to the next stage of global leadership.”

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