In a comment yesterday, Steve called me a “digger of dirt.”  A dirt digger!  Okay, so I was a little offended.  But hey, I’ve been called worse.  Sometimes in my own home.  But a digger of dirt.  That’s pretty low.  And the way he said it made it sound so…pejorative. 

But upon further reflection, I realized that Steve was right.  I was a digger of dirt.  Sure, it doesn’t sound anywhere near as official as an investigator of the truth, but that’s just a matter of perspective.  From the other side, digger of dirt pretty much nails it.

When the credibility of a witness against my client is in issue, you can bet that I will dig dirt.  I will dig as much dirt as I possibly can.  I will dig dirt wherever I can find it, and I will look in every nook and cranny to find whatever dirt exists.  If there’s dirt somewhere, dig I must.

Criminal defense lawyers don’t dig dirt for its own sake.  We don’t practice law with the intention of smearing people’s credibility and reputation whenever possible.  We are not gratuitous reputation smearers.  No, no.  Dirt diggers, yet, but hardly gratuitous.  We dig dirt surgically, making us doctors of dirt digging (though it would be inappropriate for lawyers to call themselves doctors, since it would upset chiropractors).  It is the strategic use of dug dirt that defines our goal.  We engage in the Strategic Dug Dirt Initiative, also called “Dirt Wars” during the Reagan era.

Do we get dirt under our finger nails?  Sometimes, sure.  It’s hard to be around all that dirt without getting a little on you, and stuck in places where you would rather dirt not be.  But getting dirty is part of the dirt digging game, and we often find our Gucci loafers (or Vito Genovese cowboy boots, if one happens to dig Texas dirt) covered in dirt.  Sometimes up to our knees.

Am I proud of being a dirt digger?  Well, it’s honest work, from a lawyer’s standpoint.  If we have witness who’s dirty, what else should we dig?  Do we let him hide the dirt behind him, or keep the dirt under hat?  Imagine the damage that would do if the dirt got into our eyes.  We’d be blind!  Blind dirt diggers do no one any good.

So Steve, I concede the point.  I am a dirt digger.  I dig and dig and dig.  And if I find dirt, and its use will fit within my strategy to provide my client with effective and zealous reputation, I am glad that I dug.  And since I’m on a rant of glasnost, let me tell you one more thing.  Not only am I a dirt digger, but I’m a mud slinger too.  Hey, I’ve got to do something with all that dirt.  Just add a little water, stir and toss.