Stephanie West Allen at Idealawg posts about a Deloitte study  that finds answer the burning question, why nobody under 30 answers your voicemails.  The answer is pretty simple: They don’t like voicemail.

To understand the generational divide that exists between older and younger workers in today’s workplace, consider the simple case of voicemail. Try leaving a Gen Y employee or colleague a voicemail message, and see what happens. They’re not going to hear it. Gen Y members tune out practically any communication effort they perceive as unsolicited or spam.

“If you send a message on voicemail or send an e-mail, they are likely to ignore it,” says Jeff Schwartz, U.S. and global talent leader at Deloitte. “It’s very frustrating to our leaders, most of whom are boomers [and] some of whom are Gen X’ers. When they broadcast voicemail messages, big swaths of their organization are not hearing it. They’re not even listening to it and they’re not even sure it’s directed to them because they don’t think about being communicated with in that way. CEOs or HR leaders or business leaders think they’re sending a direct message, but that is not the most effective way to communicate across the generations.”

The study says that there are specific generational preferences in the means of communication.

“Millennials grew up with computers and cell phones the way baby boomers and Gen X’ers grew up with typewriters and corded telephones,” according to a recent Deloitte report, “Decoding Generational Differences: Fact, fiction … or should we just get back to work?” “The implications of this technological dispar­ity are profound: Baby boomers see technology as a tool, or even a toy, while younger workers see it as an extension of themselves. These millennials see themselves as ‘technology natives,’ moderate multi-taskers who get a lot done. Most of them mix entertainment and work.”

The study goes on the state the preferences by generation.  Bruce Carton, over at Legal Blog Watch, picked up on Steph’s post and breaks down the preferences thus:

While I’m not aware of any boomers who prefer meetings, and most of us dread meetings almost as much as a conference call (which has the advantage of allowing us to play spider solitaire while pretending to listen on speakerphone), who am I to question a study. 

The reactions to these posts were largely about who prefers what and why, with almost all focused exclusively on what makes the commenters happy.  Missing in this group were those who gave any thought whatsoever to what would best serve their clients.  What a shock.

But the most significant failure was the message coming out of the Deloitte study that employers should change their communication methods to please their non-VM-listening employees.

Accommodate employee differences: Treat your employees as you do your customers. Learn all you can about them, work to meet their specific needs and serve them according to their unique preferences.

That’s right, change everything to please the Slackoisie and their “unique preferences.”  Give them footrubs and serve them their favorite beverages with those little umbrellas.  After all, it’s all about them and the things that make their day “funner”.  The comparison, of course, between customers and employees, may be a bit flawed.  Customers (or clients, as lawyers prefer to call them) are the ones who pay us money.  Employees, on the other hand, are the ones we pay.  One of the prerogatives of employment is that the boss gets to direct them.  I know, outrageous notion, but really, that’s how it works.

Rather than recreate the workplace to suit the individual desires of employees, there’s a solution that will work without making any institutional changes in an enterprise:  Tell the Slackoisie that if they don’t listen to your voicemail, you will find someone who will.  There is someone out there who would appreciate having a voicemail to listen to in exchange for a paycheck.  If that’s not the person sitting at the desk you paid for, then the answer isn’t to change the desk.

Maybe this guy would be happy to endure your voicemail:

Part of the frustration is this incredibly long build-up to nothing. Like, ‘Why did I spend 22 years getting A’s and studying for the chance to eat canned chili?’ … I was in the airport watching people move bags from the curb to the curbside check-in, thinking, ‘At least they do something all day long, and I have $450,000 in education and fancy everything, and I’m sitting around all day and watching 2.5 movies a day?’

– Brad, a 28-year-old New York lawyer who was unemployed for six months. (Gavel bang: The Careerist.)

Maybe Brad’s problem was that he decided to ignore his boss’ voicemails because he preferred all messages to be delivered with a trophy and a balloon.  Maybe Brad thinks differently now.  Maybe. (Aside:  best comment at ATL to this quote is “Fucking slacker. I watch four movies a day.”)

To assist those suffering from hard-of-thinking, this doesn’t mean that business don’t assess the most effective means of communication and adapt to changing technology.  It means that the lowest guy on the totem pole doesn’t dictate to the top how the business will be run, even if the Slackoisie believe that to be their birthright. 

Personally, I have no greater love for voicemail than anyone else.  But that doesn’t mean I would be so absurdly arrogant as to ignore voicemails, where my clients leave messages about things that matter to them.  My function is to serve my clients, not to demand that my clients make my life more pleasant or convenient.  The same goes for employees.

Hate voicemail?  Perfectly understandable.  Refuse to listen to your boss’ voicemail because, well, you hate voicemails?  Time to polish up that resume. 

As for the Deloitte study’s recommendation that employers bend over and smile when their Slackoisie employees want the enterprise to recreate itself to please their “unique preferences,” this is the sort of entitlement enablement that undermines the concept of responsibility the Slackoisie desperately need.  No business can function when it’s left to the employees to decide whether they feel like listening to their boss.  If it means suffering through another voicemail from the person who signs your paycheck, tough nuggies.  That’s why they call it work.