Galleon Management hedge fund guru Raj Rajaratnam is set to start trial in the Southern District of New York.  Being a billionaire and all, he won’t suffer the indignity of being unable to afford counsel of choice.  If anything, he suffers an embarrassment of riches.  And embarrassment it is.

From the Ashby Jones at the WSJ Law Blog, a motion was made by John Dowd of the well-known criminal defense law firm of Akin Gump:

We respectfully request that you allow each member of Mr. Rajaratnam’s defense team to bring one Personal Electronic Device into the courtroom.

The Court’s Standing Order regarding Electronic Devices and General Purposes Computing Devices generally prohibits the use of Personal Electronic Devices, such as a cellular telephones or Blackberry’s, in courtrooms without an Attorney Service pass. These passes, however, are only available to members of the bar of the Court who possess a New York State Unified Court System Attorney Secure Pass (“OCA Card”).

It would greatly aid Mr. Rajaratnam and his counsel at trial if the following individuals were allowed to bring with them the highlighted Personal Electronic Device into the courtroom . . .

The motion then lists 11 people, nine Akin Gump attorneys and two others.

Where to start?  For those unaware, there is a  standing order in the Southern District that requires everyone, lawyers included, to hand over their cellphones and iPads.  An exception of recent vintage allows lawyers with a New York State issued Secure Pass to hold on to his device, provided the device doesn’t annoy the judge. 

With this in mind, the application reveals a laundry list of oddities.

1.  Does Raj Rajaratnam really need 11 lawyers to represent him in court?  Does he suspect that his guilt or innocence will be determined by Akin Gump playing football against the United States Attorneys?

2.  Couldn’t Raj manage to find lawyers who might have at least the minimal familiarity with the Southern District of New York, or where to find a courthouse, such that they have the most basic accoutrement of a New York trial lawyer, a Secure Pass?  I mean, we’re talking Manhattan here, not Podunk.  He couldn’t find a lawyer he like in Manhattan?

3.  Even assuming he needs 11 lawyers.  Even assuming he needs 11 lawyers, none of whom possess a basic New York State issued Secure Pass.  Is it truly critical that each of the Raj 11 have their own Blackberry?  Do they all plan to text in unison?  Can they not sit still in court without checking their email?

Ashby, unlike me, doesn’t find there to be much of an issue with the need for 11 Blackberries at the defense table, especially since the government consented to the motion.

[W]hy, when the government assents to the Blackberry request, does the court still put up such a fuss? Blackberrys can be operated discreetly and quietly — why such insistence on keeping them out?

It occurs to me that one person’s “discreet and quiet” operation is another’s annoying, bordering on offensive, lack of attention.  Having spent some time with youthful people inclined to grasp their electronic device like a lifeline, and endured their heads bobbing up and down, thumbs akimbo, attention wandering back and forth, without the slightest notion that they are doing so or any clue that their speech is disjointed, in bits and spurts, and just a bit short of coherent, it’s not nearly as discreet as Ashby thinks.  But that’s just my view.

As for Raj, he might consider the appearance to the jury of a defense table so jam-packed with pinstriped bodies as to look utterly absurd.  Want to look guilty as sin?  Surround yourself with almost as many people at the defense table as sit in the jury box.  It just doesn’t look right. 

You look like you’re ganging up on the government, making the United States Attorney seem like David to your Goliath.  This really isn’t the impression any defendant wants to have at trial.  This is like the lawyerly equivalent of the $6,000 shower curtain.  You may be able to afford it, but is it really what you want to shove in the jury’s face?

More to the point, if you take all the money you’re paying that renown criminal defense firm, Akin Gump, for their nine plus two warm bodies in the courtroom, and put it toward one really good lawyer who actually tries cases of people accused of crimes in the Southern District of New York, chances are that you wouldn’t have to pay for a motion to allow his Blackberry in the courtroom.  He would already have a Secure Pass.  Because real New York criminal defense lawyers have Secure Passes. 

Normally, I would charge for this advice.  But since Raj doesn’t seem to care how much he shells out, no reason not to put my hand out as well.  I don’t take credit cards, Raj, but a check will do nicely.