In perhaps the most ridiculously insipid story to ever grace the pages of the ABA Journal, Debra Cassens Weiss writes about a law firm whose grasp of social media is so fundamentally poor that they are offering prizes for Facebook “likes.” 

The firm’s founders are trying to raise its visibility with a social media campaign that includes “thank you Thursdays” offering prizes for “likes,” the Daily Herald reports. One recent prize was a three-month membership at a local gym.

Some wags spoke ill of the ABA Journal for posting such a story, saying it must have been a slow news day. And worse. But not me. I appreciated Weiss’ post, because it informed me that the void in lawyers’ grasp of social media continues unabated. Without this story, how would I know of yet another law firm who thinks that meaningless “likes,” the sort of thing that brings joy to every 12-year-old in need of validation, is the path to success?

Which brings me to  Jamison Koehler’s post about being solicited by Avvo, the one-time claimant to the next generation of lawyer ratings which has since admitted that it’s nothing more than another marketing scheme.

Some marketing guy from Avvo called me the other day, and I shut him down the same way I shut down most marketers: I told him I am so swamped with business that I couldn’t possibly take on one more case.

Each of us has our own preferred method of shutting down cold calls. Jamie has his. Mine is to tell them how fascinated I am with their solicitation, and then quietly hang up the phone so that they launch into their pitch and continue talking until they eventually realize that I’ve long since hung up. To each his own.

Jamison then explains what disturbs him about the Avvo marketing claims.

For example:  Avvo claims that my profile was “seen” by 1,566 “potential clients over the past 30 days.  I have no idea what it means to be “seen”:  Does this mean that my profile came up on 1,566 searches for a criminal defense lawyer in D.C. or Virginia?  Or that someone actually clicked through to my profile?

If I averaged 1,500 views a month over that time period, which is just under the number they say I had for the last 30 days, that would come to 63,000 “potential clients” who had seen my profile. And yet, as far as I know, I have not had a single person even contact me through my Avvo profile, much less decide to hire me.  “I found you through Avvo” is something I have never once heard.

From this, he invokes the maxim, Falsus in uno, falsus in omnibus.  Jamie has the benefit of some experience with social media marketing, knowing that the only number that matters is that reflecting the number of potential clients, those who seek his services, those who seek services in his practice area, and those who have the ability to retain him, matter. After doing in-depth calculations, he arrives at the grand total: zero.

I have previously admitted to being  retained once by someone who found me on Avvo. That was in 2009.  It hasn’t happened since, though there have been plenty of calls and emails from people who found me on Avvo, but not “potential clients.”  There are no shortage of people using social media to get free answers to questions, inquire as to my interest in their pro bono representation, demand a free consultation about their public urination case in Oswego (“you do go to Oswego, right?”).  How Jamison avoids these calls is beyond me.

Lawyers are grasping at straws, closing their eyes and clicking their heels, to find a magic path to success. They cling to the numbers because it seems as if they ought to mean something.  My buddy Kevin O’Keefe is constantly noting how many users there are of Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, whatever.  The implicit assumption is that if there are numbers, there must be business. 

One would hope lawyers, purportedly smart enough to entrust with the lives and fortunes of others, would be able to parse the concept better, but empty stomachs make for empty heads.  Lawyers fall for illogical arguments fast, often expecting the inheritance from their Nigerian royal ancestors any day now.  And they will listen to the Avvo pitch without the benefit of Jamison’s experience.

As for me, I plan to “like” that law firm in the ABA Journal story. No, I won’t refer a case to them. Not that I would have anyway, but this story puts to rest any suspicion that they can be trusted.  But if they want to give me a prize for something as absurd as a Facebook “like,” I’ll take it.