It’s Exhausting Being Tired: Speech Edition

As a student of the art of narcissistic rationalization, it’s often hard to divine what part of the religion of emotion drives otherwise ordinary people to feel compelled to put their feelz on display for all to see.  There is a bizarre belief, that such people ascribe to reason, that they are entitled to express their deepest feelings, coupled with the entitlement not to have anyone read what they’ve written and reply that they’re absolutely full of shit.

Go figure.  So when I stumbled upon a master’s thesis in narcissism, I took notice.  It began with a pedestrian effort in self-absorption.

I am tired of men thinking they are entitled to my attention because they find me attractive.

I am tired of men thinking I owe them something as a thanks for them finding me attractive.

I am tired of men reducing me to my attractiveness.

I am tired of being on display.

It goes on and on, its author apparently thinking very well of her own beauty. But it’s hardly new.  This gig was done by Lili Von Shtupp in Blazing Saddles, and Mel Brooks did a much better job of it.

For reasons unknown, it caught the attention of a great many who took issue with the author’s shifting of blame for her misery of being so darn attractive, catching 458 comments, most of which were unfavorable to her whining and blaming.

The next day, the author, Elyse Anders, doubled down in a post entitled I’m Sorry You Are So Exhausting.  There is a pic of a woman giving readers the finger, and it’s unclear whether this is Anders or a stock photo called “woman giving finger.”


Now I’m hardly the best judge anymore, being well past the age of interest in such things, but this pic raises two issues. First, it doesn’t strike me as the act of a person who wants to be left alone.  Second, if this is the author, and I believe it is, perhaps Anders isn’t quite as attractive as she thinks she is. Just sayin’.

Apparently enjoying the passive/aggressive nature of the response to her post the day before, Anders decided to goad readers by offering them the comfort of her insight into what drove comments to her:

But men are mad. They are so angry that I said these things about my existence and my life. They are mad I targeted men, as a gender, in a conversation about the way men treat me on a daily basis. I am talking about men. I am talking about masculinity. I am talking about patriarchy and I am talking about male culture and male entitlement. I AM TALKING ABOUT MEN.

And I understand that anger. I understand why you are mad. I understand it because I can envision what it is like to be a man, going about your life, and learning that you are not the arbiter of women’s worthiness when you always assumed you were.

Classic begging the question, creating one’s own assumption and then using it to prove one’s point.  I told you this was good stuff.  Even though question begging is now a fixture of the slackoisie view of the world, few do it this well.

You were angry because I called the shot about where I stand. And I said, unapologetically, that I am aware of the fact that men find me fuckable. 


So be done with it. I am tired of you. And I am going to take a nap.

I love naps, but that really wasn’t the point of the post. And Anders’ second round attracted 147 comments, many from women emoting their support and sisterhood.

Having thus successfully proven her virtual attractiveness twice, at least in comments, Anders tempted fate by going for three, this time in a post called The War on Speech, which is the one that first caught my attention.

I think there is a part of internet culture that really believes these women bring this upon themselves by being so loud and so outspoken and so brazen and so public, they should expect backlash. While I completely disagree with this sentiment, I think there is maybe something in there where it seems just unrelatable to the average person because most of these women have achieved some level of fame and notoriety. It seems like a thing that happens to famous people. It’s horrific, but it’s not the norm.

Shy and demure people are always surprised when anyone notices them. Even when they rant about their attractiveness and irresistibility to the opposite sex.

Trolling is an assault on women. It is an organized weapon of terrorism used to silence feminist voices. The abuse is a mob attack, flooding our inboxes and comments Twitter mentions and Facebook pages, so that there is nowhere we can go online without seeing how little the world thinks of us. How little the world wants us to exist. It is an act of terrorism designed to force us into facing that, more of that, escalating levels of that… or being silent. It is an act of war against feminism. And if you do not relent, they will not only come after you, but your family, your friends, your job. Their goal is not only to drive you into silence, but to wipe your presence from the earth. And if you even hint at criticizing these actions, you are un-ironically accused of trampling on “free speech” and are subject to more abuse as punishment for taking away their fundamental human right to call you a stupid cunt on Squarespace as the Founding Fathers intended.

Bingo. This is the sort of stuff worthy of study, worthy of scrutiny.  A person pens a rant attacking men for making her tired about her attractiveness and publishes it on the internet. Other people respond to her rant. They are trolls. See? Even I can learn a thing or two.

Their weaponized speech can and will wear you down. It will seep into every part of your existence. You walk the world wondering who knows who you are. You wonder who wants to hurt you. Your mental health takes a beating. Even while you soldier on with a brave face, you grow weary. Even if you continue, you do so at an expense, and that is your tithe for daring to be a woman on the internet. That is your fine for speaking up on your behalf.

It’s totally understandable why Anders is exhausted.  I’m exhausted trying to make sense of this gibberish, though I really like the phrase “weaponized speech,” much in the same way as calling accusers “survivors” catches my eye.

You see, what is usually overlooked is that Anders has a right to rant. She also has a right not to be worn down by the weaponized speech of those who disagree with her rant. And isn’t it understandable how tired all of this makes her? Where is your empathy?

But on the other hand, Anders is basking in the warmth of her humblebrag attention, passively/aggressively demanding more, particularly the embrace of her speech victimhood.  And anyone who thinks otherwise is a troll engaged in an “act of war against feminism.”  I’m exhausted just trying to make sense of this.

59 thoughts on “It’s Exhausting Being Tired: Speech Edition

  1. Patrick Maupin

    I think you meant to quote/indent the first paragraph with “weaponized speech”. Or maybe it’s just already managed to break out of its container and we should all run.

    1. SHG Post author

      Yes, her speech is so powerful that mere indentations cannot contain it! I have now used weaponized manly indentations, which by definition suppress feminist speech.

  2. David Stretton

    The picture in the first link in your article is worth looking at: a woman, presumably Ms. Anders, sitting on a toilet in high heels with her legs apart. I cannot begin to square this with “I am tired of being on display”.

    Nice gams, though.

    1. SHG Post author

      That she thought it appropriate to use a bathroom image will not force me to violate the sanctity of the toilet. Some things are sacred.

      1. SHG Post author

        Gams is such an arcane word, I hoped it would go whoosh and no one would notice its disgusting sexism.

  3. Noxx

    But I am absolutely the arbiter of everyone’s worthiness, *to me*.

    A classic example of the ego run amok. Scaling her soapbox so that she can speak to the masses = valuable expression. The masses speaking back = tur’sm.

    Exhausting indeed.

  4. REvers

    A Google search on her name pulls up a bunch of images that look just like the person in the pic she posted, so I’m guessing it’s her.

    1. SHG Post author

      So you’re saying you stalked her? You are such an angry male who is deeply attracted to her and can’t stand that she does not want your attention.

        1. Patrick Maupin

          I’m not looking on her site, ’cause it doesn’t display with scripts disabled, but looking at the picture where she’s giving the finger, that wrist and hand look like she should be wielding a wrench in an auto shop. The hair held back completes the Rosie-the-Riveter look, and the attitude could probably make you wish you were away at war.

          1. Not Jim Ardis

            Christ knows I’d rather be shot at (and perhaps shot) than be in a room with her.

  5. Marc not-R

    And she calls the blog “MofoNation”? Really? I assume she know what Mofo means (I was a little surprised when Rick Perry used the term, but I just assumed he was being obtuse). And what the hell is a “Snarktavist”?

      1. Patrick Maupin

        After watching MoFo methodically dismantle SCO on behalf of IBM, I must say that this hypothesis seems… unlikely.

        Yes, that was hugely entertaining, as well, but the buffoonish part that Elyse is playing here was played by SCO rather than MoFo in that movie.

        1. Dave Crisp

          Minor nitpick: MoFo represented Novell in that particular clusterfuck. (IBM’s lawyers were from Cravath)

          1. Patrick Maupin

            Scott!!! Dave’s calling me old and forgetful! I mean, sure he didn’t come right out and say it, and, sure, it’s true, but geez. I can’t believe you allow hurtful comments like that here.

  6. LTMG

    “When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace and death a duty.” W. C. Fields or Voltaire, depending on the source one reads.

  7. Motorcycle Enthusiast

    Oh SHG…,
    First of all, Ms Anders, or any female for that matter, doesn’t need to be considered attractive to all men or even a majority of men for her point(s) to be relevant, just a sufficient enough men over a sufficient enough period of time is all that’s required to establish her life experiences concerning men in general.

    Second, although I’ve not read her posts as of yet (I will though), what men will never comprehend is what it’s like to be regularly valued/devalued as human beings based on whether or not one is perceived as worthy of having a particular man’s penis inserted inside you: “C’mon baby, you know you want it.” Day in and day out. And it is that crude. Either a majority of men collectively desire to insert their dicks in you, or they don’t (and they’re so very fond of boasting about it, one way or the other). It all boils down to that, really. And it really is annoying to have to politely fend off the crude nature of men’s typical rude advances (especially when No doesn’t seem to resonate as a meaningful word they were ever taught). I suspect Ms. Anders is merely sick of that kind of attention from a sufficient enough number of men that she finally chose to write about it. Kudos to her.

    Third, if such posts by women bother you to the degree that Ms. Anders’ posts have clearly irritated you, then why subject yourself to them? All three of them at that! Just go on doing your man thing and request a table dance from that cute waitress in the next family restaurant you visit. I’m sure she’ll be flattered enough to add perhaps a little extra to your meal.

    1. SHG Post author

      It makes me very sad when you devolve into such lunacy whenever a feminist issue arises. Other times, you seem so thoughtful. Do all women lapse into a narcissistic sexual fantasy whenever they need to protect their fragile self-esteem, or only feminists?

      1. Motorcycle Enthusiast

        SHG: “Whenever a feminist issue arises…” which is typically several times a week here, lol. Not that that matters, just saying. Appears to me as if you have a problem with women candidly expressing their general life experiences with regards to men. Why can’t you just listen to what some women have to say and respect it as genuine? I didn’t see any narcissistic sexual fantasy being played out in her posts at all. To the contrary, I saw a woman expressing her reality and it was hardly a turn-on (anyone who thought the potty pic was a turn-on, ummm… I shalt not go there, lol). The fact is, it is clear to me that she’s fed up with men projecting Their Crude Sexual Fantasies on Her; hence, the potty pic, lol. And I loved it because I “got it.”

        Now, that’s just her and her feelings on a particular subject. Not Susie’s (the commenter here, obviously). Ms. Anders (nor I) claim to speak for every female alive (nor I for her). Of course not. I simply can relate to much of what she’s posted (now that I’ve read it all — and count me a new fan of hers). But with a mere 15 readers prior to her latest opined remarks (which included her parents & probably her husband), it’s impossible to suggest that she was looking for some sort of national narcissistic attention that, frankly, could not have been foreseen prior to her heart felt posts on what is, apparently, a controversial subject: some women’s negative experiences with men in general. Why is genuineness so controversial? I don’t get it. But yeah, I agree, I should try and skip these feminist-themed posts a bit more often. A bit too close to home for me, I’ll readily acknowledge.

        Oh but anyway… David, you can call me whatever you want. I cannot print here what I have been regularly referenced as within my professional public service career environment over the course of the last 15 years, including by supervisors (but it starts with N and ends with R). Yes, I am white, but my co-workers were predominately white and male. Extremely rough & unforgiving environment.

        But I am not complaining. I discovered a long time ago that anticipating empathy from a pack of guys is a fool’s errand. Count me a fool. Today though, I am just relating. It just is what it is: my life experience. And so is it that Ms. Anders’ life experiences generally & genuinely rhyme with mine.

        1. SHG Post author

          Appears to me as if you have a problem with women candidly expressing their general life experiences with regards to men.

          I have a problem with anyone, male, female, young, old, black, white, indulging their psychopathy when part of a trend to criminalize conduct that hurts their feelings or undermine other people’s constitutional rights. So do you, except when it involves a woman, and then you turn into a blind apologist for mental illness. So, I do count you a fool, though not for the reason you would prefer.

          Sorry, ME, but if you share Anders’ thoughts, get help. This is a manifestation of serious mental illness. The problem isn’t men. It’s psychosis.

          One final thought: the reason I write about issues involving women is that they, as a group, have become a significant threat to the Constitution. Whether college co-eds who seek to eviscerate male due process for their imaginary sex offenses or those who seek to eviscerate constitutional rights by demanding that they get to whine and attack, but the law should silence men who respond and hurt their feelings or make them “tired.” The group doing this is women. And this is the only reason for my concern.

            1. SHG Post author

              No, #NotAllWomen. Maybe #NotEvenMostWomen. But enough, and vocal enough, and enough to be of very serious concern.

        2. Myles

          There are two pieces to your argument, also found in Anders’, which are patently clear. First, you are passive-aggressive. Second, you engage in the question begging that SHG noted. You may choose not to see it, but it is clear to others.

          If you want to be taken seriously, you need to step back and take a hard look at what you’re doing. Or, you can be defensive and will be ignored or ridiculed. But it’s entirely your choice.

          1. SHG Post author

            The argument style is becoming ubiquitous among feminists. I guess they find it availing and can’t understand why others do not. It’s just another piece of the chasm of reason that seems to distinguish the relative positions, and it’s unlikely that it’s going to change anytime soon.

          2. Motorcycle Enthusiast

            Hey Myles! I see you still have that ‘splainin’ thing going on, lol. 🙂 Look, what you don’t understand and refuse to appreciate is that I am not consumed with whether I am taken seriously here or not, or else ridiculed beyond all belief (even by you). That’s already happened to me in real life (not on the Internet), and because of it (years of it), I am happily (though early) retired. I am set though, and as a result, I don’t need your approval. So, go ahead, drop the N word, the B word, or just call me a Dumbasss, etc. Myles, I just don’t really give a hoot at this point in my life. Yet, once again, I thank you profusely for at least attempting to ‘splain the situation to me again. I’m beginning to enjoy your self-perceived wisdom.

            And SHG, oh SHG…,
            Well I mean, now see, you’re showing your true colors here, at least on this topic: you are absolutely emotionally blinded by it: blinded by the light… woke up like a… (well nevermind).

            In fact, I think you are the one that’s too close to this issue, not me on further consideration…. You guys here are just eat up with this but refuse to actually listen to other sides of the situation. And so it goes, day after day, slamming women (or, those) who dare disagree with the slightest inkling of that well established orthodoxy here.

            Anyway, when guys engage a threat (real or perceived) within a pack they are capable of some of the most ruthless & cruel behavior known to humanity. And many times their only limitations are those of threat of force, or law (or rather, what they think they can get away with, legally, and with a good and willing lawyer such as yourself).

            You consistently stoop to low blows here in your attempts to smash & discredit anyone with whom harbors a different experience than that of your own; however, the vileness of your latest shrill assertions surpass even what I’ve come to expect from even you here on this topic. It’s as if no assertion made by any woman in the world, against a man, or else the behaviors of men in general, has any credence whatsoever. Hogwash. And frankly, I assert you know better.

            Look, I realize you have a career to pursue and that you’ve clearly chosen sides on this issue allowing very little to no gray area to reconsider. That’s your job. But I simply ask to allow some room for better understanding of the overall situation for purposes of better understanding. I certainly can accept that there has been false accusations in the past against guys. But can you honestly not fathom the notion of date rape? I mean, never ever? Never has anything remotely occurred in the history of humanity? It’s all just made up BS by gold diggers?

            Does all of this really boil down to how a female chooses to dress a particular evening, like one unfortunate woman here has seemed to assert? Yeah? Let me answer that for you: No. But that’s but one issue under this whole “feminist” umbrella thingy. Again, I stand by what I said earlier. You specifically will never ever comprehend many women’s point of references because it is impossible for you to ever experience any of their fundamental life experiences.

            But worse is that you abjectly refuse to consider any other assertions other than what you’ve apparently divined as truth. This fact disallows you as a credible judge on the matter from my perspective. You have an opinion, yes, and it’s worthy to listen to, but you have no credible standing to objectively arbitrate such matters, that much has become clear to me. That’s just my opinion (until further notice that is, lol). I’ll let you know when I change my mind on that. 🙂

            1. SHG Post author

              For someone not desperately seeking validation, you waste an awful lot of words. Very Dunning-Kruger of you. But this?

              …the vileness of your latest shrill assertions surpass even what I’ve come to expect from even you here on this topic.

              Vileness? I am sad for your self-loathing, but this is not the place to get the help you need. Don’t squander all your words here. Save them for an appropriate medical professional who can give you the help you need to get back in touch with reality.

            2. Myles

              Being female does not mean you aren’t subject to the limits of physics, logic or sound mental health. No one gives a damn what your gender is, except you. I just look to your enormous effort to persuade others to see your point of view, which you claim not to care about but is proven conclusively false by the lengthy and tedious attempts to convince others of your views.

              No one can turn you into a cartoon character except you. You’ve done that. You can deny that you care all you want, but we all know that you wouldn’t have written these long comments if you didn’t have a desperate desire to get men to succumb to your will and understand what it’s like to be you.

              So you’ve gotten the attention you crave here, but it won’t cure your problems. I hope you get help, and think SHG should protect you from putting your mental illness on display.

    2. David M.

      Just go and read her posts. Then read SHG’s past posts on street harassment. It’s understandable, but right now, you’re like the guy at the card table who hasn’t been told what the game is.

  8. Levi

    It’s interesting to see the parallels between the complaints of self-evaluated attractive people about the oppressive burden of being attractive and those of some white men about the harsh disadvantages presented by [insert minority or sex activist position]. Not exactly the same, of course, but there seems to be some reflex that often kicks in when seeing some insinuation that your life came with the easy button.

    1. SHG Post author

      If I squint my eyes, I kinda see your point, but the analogy is so stretched and contorted that it doesn’t really hold. While there is the defensiveness, there is a pathological narcissism that really has no analogue.

  9. Beth

    As an old, fat grandma, I do not relate to my worth being judged on my appearance. My worth is based on many things, but appearance is not a net plus for me at this point in my life. So what? It’s not the basis for my worth. It’s not how I judge the value of others or myself.

    I do not understand young women like this. What do they want from men? To be noticed or to go unnoticed? I can understand being overwhelmed by the attention, either positive or negative, in certain situations. I don’t understand the idea that you have a right to be left alone while in public. People can say things like “Hi” or “Nice day” or “Go to Hell” and unless it’s an individual who does so repeatedly, there simply isn’t much one can do about it other that avoid and minimize situations where the attention makes you uncomfortable.

    1. SHG Post author

      Think back to when you were, say, 25. Even then, would you have written something like this? Would you have even thought it to yourself?

      1. Beth

        No. I’m a product of a different culture. We all have our issues. I was attacked and sexually assaulted by a stranger once when I was twenty. Left me with my own ‘survivor’ problems. In particular, to this day, I find large black men scary in a very visceral gut reaction. It’s up to each of us to find a way to deal with our discomforts with socially approved behavior in public situations.

        But I don’t see a problem with attempts to change what is socially acceptable. I just understand how hard it is for older people to let go of assumptions they often aren’t even aware of.

        1. SHG Post author

          “No, but…”? So you went orthogonal into your own issues to avoid having to confront an unsisterly response to hers? Maybe there really is a pervasive female pathological sexual narcissism problem. This is a dishonest non-answer excuse to avoid having to confront an unpleasant truth.

          Sorry about your sexual assault, but that’s not an excuse for other people’s psychosis. And you’ve now shown that you can’t be trusted to give an honest response, which may be the reason you commented in the first place. I expected better of you. At least honesty.

          1. Susie

            I don’t know Beth or the motorcycle chick, but they sure as hell don’t speak for me. All women are not crazy. All women don’t wallow in sexual fantasy. All women do not have these “issues.” Speak for yourselves. The rest of us are sane.

  10. Fubar

    Their weaponized speech can and will wear you down. It will seep into every part of your existence.

    From the immortal words of a certain patriarchal hegemonic English monarch during the 1415 siege of Harfleur:

    Once more, dear friends, unto the breach,
    Shall we charge with our weaponized speech.
    No humility, stillness.
    Our words blast with shrillness
    ‘Til our peace they most humbly beseech!

  11. Not Jim Ardis

    Well, I hope she takes comfort in the fact that, even if I had ever considered her attractive, her personality has made that impossible now.

    I weep for whatever man she ends up dating.

  12. James Gorman

    I’m glad that I’m either too old to not give a rat’s ass anymore about silly rants or if I simply cannot remember what I just read. I do know that I always learn something here and enjoy the insights. Thanks!

  13. Lex

    “[I]t’s often hard to divine what part of the religion of emotion drives otherwise ordinary people to feel compelled to put their feelz on display for all to see.”

    Duh. Unexpressed thoughts have been know to pile-up and turn inwards, causing emotional septicaemia. It’s basic science, dude.

  14. losingtrader

    “I’m blogging I’m feeling terribly tired and objectified by the stares and very direct comments and propositions by women” said no attractive young man I’ve ever known.
    Apparently , that’s why Tinder exists.
    I’m really bitter this never happened to me. Go figure.
    On a recent trip , a friend of mine was horribly objectified by 9 different women in 7 days during a trip to China.He’s still trying to recover from the shame , while saving up for the next trip.

    When the cruise ship is sinking and they call for “women and children first” I have no doubt this woman would be clawing her way over people to the front of the line (along with the captain if it’s a Carnival Costa Lines ship)

  15. Kathleen Casey

    The solution for unwanted attention from men is to dress modestly. Duh!

    It has worked for me all my life.

    1. REvers

      But if you make it illegal for men to look, you can safely run around naked. Great when it’s hot out.

      1. Patrick Maupin

        That sounds like an awesome solution — at least for the women who want to look.

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