Seaton: The Case of the Stolen World Championship

This week, dear readers, we’re taking a break from Mud Lick and the usual shenanigans within to share a current events story combining several of my guilty pleasures: absurd humor, law, and professional wrestling.

Chris Irvine, better known as Chris Jericho, is a professional wrestling superstar, frontman for the heavy metal band Fozzy, and spokesperson for cat litter. On August 31, Jericho became the first ever All Elite Wrestling World Champion after beating “Hangman” Adam Page during All Elite’s “All Out” show in Chicago.

Sometime Sunday, the All Elite Championship was stolen. According to the police reports, Jericho flew from Chicago to Tallahassee and took a limo from the airport to a Longhorn Steakhouse, presumably to celebrate his championship win. Once at the Longhorn, Jericho realized he’d inadvertently left his luggage at the airport and asked the limo driver to fetch the correct luggage.

Jericho left the AEW Championship belt in the limo. When the limo returned, the belt was gone.

Now this spooked Jericho enough for him to file a police report with Tallahassee PD.

Ever the consummate showman, Jericho announced on Twitter he’d launched a “worldwide investigation” tasked with finding the no good rat bastard who stole his belt. Only the best investigators in the world would be good enough to see the All Elite Championship return home to the rightful owner.

Until the Tallahassee Police Department announced the next day they’d found the belt via social media.

Here’s where the story takes a bit of a weird turn. Apparently ten minutes after the previous post, Tallahassee PD removed the tweet from their page, claiming the belt hadn’t been found and the case was still “open and active.”

Maybe it’s because Jericho wanted to hog the spotlight and claim he found the belt himself, absent the help of any investigators.

What a heel move to pull. Regardless, it looks as though All Elite and Chris Jericho dodged a bullet with this incident. This type of mess was the reason champions were required in the old days to put down a security deposit for the title belt. And it would’ve been hard to hock the AEW title, given that it’s the first of its kind, very unique, and sought after by a motivated police force with the blessing of the billionaire Khan family, owners of the Jacksonville Jaguars.

It just would’ve been nice if Chris Jericho, of all people, could’ve sucked it up and thanked the Tallahassee PD for their efforts in getting his belt back. Sometimes cops deserve credit for their hard work.

8 thoughts on “Seaton: The Case of the Stolen World Championship

  1. Skink

    Most of the folks in the Swamp consider Tally to be part of either Georgia or ‘Bama. They ain’t like the rest, maybe because the beach is too far for them. But they’re still in the geography, so they still suffer the effect of “Florida Man,” who does stuff like invitin’ his neighbor for dinner, only to serve the neighbor his own cat.

    The effect is not limited to the citizenry of the Swamp; even temporary visitors can be infected. Given that, the solution is easy: while at Longhorn, the championship was given to a cook, who is a BIG FAN. Rum and stuff took their toll and the thing was passed around until its location was unclear, maybe even foggy. At some point, it was used as a plate to serve a very mediocre strip steak. When it went back to the kitchen, the dishwasher thought some wacky customer brought his own plate, so he pitched it. Tally Bob, the homeless former state senator found it, deciding it made a very nice hat. It is, but not as nice as those coveted by some Hotel residents. Tally Bob in his new hat was an easy spot for Tally cops.

    Taking down the twit had nothing to do with covering Jericho–they were covering Tally Bob–he’s an institution! It’s the way of the Swamp.

  2. Richard Kopf

    CLS,

    At least your story had a happy ending. That is not always the case in the dark world you have forced us to peer into. See Wrestling midgets killed by fake hookers, metro.co.uk (2 Jul 2009) (“The world of Mexican midget wrestling is in mourning after two of its most famous stars were apparently poisoned by fake prostitutes.”)

    All the best.

    RGK

    All the best.

    RGK

    1. CLS

      Judge, you’ve sent me down a rabbit hole today. I shall explore the world of Mexican Midget Wrestling and fake prostitutes for as long as it takes to properly educate myself on such matters.

      That said, I’m miffed All Elite didn’t take advantage of this situation, recognize the Tallahassee Police Department as a rightful title holder, and work this into an angle. Think of the potential matches!

      *Qualified Immunity On A Pole
      *Fourth Amendment Full Metal Mayhem
      *Civil Asset Forfeiture Clash
      *Tallahassee Taser Fight

      So much money left on the table in the name of justice. It’s rather sad.

  3. Tom Donahue

    And maybe the cops really didn’t find the belt, that happens too. I once found my own stolen car and called the cops to say the car has been found, don’t pull me over when I drive it.

    About a half a day later, dispatch then called me at 4 in the morning, saying they had officers standing by the car I had found, at the location I told them the car was at, and asking if I wanted it towed or left there.

    Should I have thanked them for waking me up at 4 in the morning to repeat information I gave them?

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