It was more than ten years ago that Dr. SJ’s parents moved from New York to North Carolina, or “North Cacalacca” as her father called it. He wasn’t really on board with the move, and found the accents of his new neighbors somewhat odd. Among the many reasons he struggled with his new digs was that he was one of those guys who really loved New York. And one of the things he loved, and missed, was this shop in Queens that made chorizo. He could live without edible bagels, but what he really missed was that chorizo.
For Christmas, Dr. SJ decided to send her father a big bundle of chorizos. She made the trek to Queens and came home with a huge bag. After taking a few out for us, we packed the rest up in ice, inside this really cool bag designed to keep things cold. This went into a United States Postal Service Priority Mail box, together with a tin of holiday cookies Dr. SJ made from a recipe handed down by her grandmother to her, and her alone. Everyone else loved them, but nobody else made them.
We decided to ship the box down to NC by USPS priority mail because it was two-day delivery, and the chorizos would be fine for two days, iced and packed as they were. It wasn’t cheap, but she loves her father, though not enough for overnight delivery. Still, two days would be fine.
Dr. SJ took the box to the post office in the town next door rather than our own post office because she was heading that way. She dropped it at the desk, and the clerk tossed it into the bin. Mission accomplished, right? Not so fast.
That was about 8:00 a.m. on Monday, December 14th. That evening, she decided to check the tracking number to make sure it was well on its way. Dr. SJ can be a bit suspicious when it comes to chorizo. And the tracking showed the label I prepared for her the day before, but nothing else. It didn’t show receipt by the post office, no less movement toward its destination. Nothing. The next morning, still nothing.
As it happened, Dr. SJ had another package to send, this time to her sister. She went back to the same post office and there, at the counter, was the same clerk. Why, she asked, does the tracking not show you taking my package? The clerk replied that they were “slammed,” and didn’t have time to scan in every package. Stupid customer. But don’t worry, she informed Dr.
SJ. It will all be fine.
By bedtime that evening, there was still no more tracking information, no acceptance of the package, no acknowledgement that they ever laid eyes on it, no less hands. A few years ago, I sent a great antique WWII fighter airplane clock to a pal in the United Kingdom by priority mail. It showed tracking to JFK and then disappeared. The post office said they put it on a plane and shipped it to Royal Mail. Royal Mail said they never received it. Somebody had it, but nobody would admit it. And poof, it was gone.
I checked again when I awoke this morning, and was remarkably displeased with what the tracking number told me. It stated that it was now “accepted at the USPS origin facility,” except it was a different post office rather than the one where Dr. SJ dropped it off. And it was dated December 15th, the day after it was handed over the counter to the clerk who was too busy to do her job of scanning it in.
And it now showed an anticipated delivery date of Friday, December 18th, three days, rather than two as the website, and label, stated, but five day after the date it was dropped off. By 9:00 p.m. on Friday.
By the time it arrives, it will be quite ripe. What it will not be is fit for human consumption. Upon seeing the tracking, which wasn’t remotely true, I contacted USPS to find out what could be done. The “customer care” wait time was more than an hour, so I opted for the call back. After two hours and 37 minutes, the call came. I answered. No response. Finally, “this is the call you requested, but we do not hear anyone answers. We’ll call again later,” and disconnected.
When the call finally came again, a mere 27 minutes later, I spoke to a human on the line. The woman was very sympathetic, but explained that there wasn’t a thing she could do other than apologize. She reiterated how busy they were, but sighed and told me she knew that was no excuse. Even though the shipping times were technically aspirational, as reflected by the small print, there was no explanation for this other than somebody just didn’t bother to get it on the truck. It shouldn’t happen this way, she admitted, but it does. She wished me well. I wished her well. She apologized again and we said good-bye.
Whether it gets there by Friday or not isn’t really a big deal anymore. Whatever gets there, whenever it gets there, won’t be edible. They don’t call food “perishable” for nothing. But Dr. SJ is very sad that her father won’t be able to have chorizo for Christmas. He so loves his chorizo, and she so loves her dad. And when she’s sad, I’m sad. And also angry.
Merry Christmas, postal workers who failed my darling wife. I don’t know if you’ll get what you want for Christmas, but I hope you get what you deserve.
Update: While USPS tracking still says, for the moment, that delivery is expected December 18 by 9:00 p.m., this appeared today.
This is not encouraging.
Update 2: Friday, December 18th, has come and gone without delivery. The tracking number does not show an expected delivery date anymore, which is fine since I have no expectation of delivery. It’s not as if I paid for the delivery service. Or the chorizo.
*A personal story, because I can.
Discover more from Simple Justice
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
And that’s why FedEx and UPS have such a huge customer base. If it absolutely positively has to get there on time, don’t use the USPS.
That’s also why most temperature sensitive medications come by FedEx.
Whenever I write a post like this, someone points to another service. Someone else will then note how that service failed them. Someone else will then extol the virtues of the first service. FedEx is great until it’s not, as are the others.
We all have our stories. This post is about mine.
Personal posts are the best.
By the way, what the hell is chorizo?
I was unaware until now that you had a deprived childhood.
Honestly, I have never liked it. It’s to greasy for me, and I’ve had the “good” stuff made by people who run when they see brown uniforms with badges.
On another note, I bet I know where you got that cool bag. And next time use dry ice.
You do and I thank you.
Judge,
Chorizo is sausage. Really good sausage. Some chorizo is almost divinely good.
Originally, chorizo (spelled slightly differently) was a Portuguese sausage. It’s quit good, but Mexican chorizo, seasoned a bit differently, beats it all to hell. And when used to make fifteen bean soup… the soup can be “to die for”.
It’s also available as a hard sausage and will keep for many months. This would have been a better choice for shipping, but wouldn’t have been what Scott’s father in law remembered/ so cherished… and he wouldn’t have had the chance to tell us such a cool story.
FWIW, the hard chorizo isn’t as good, but is still worth trying. (JMO) I suspect, w/ a little effort, both can be found even in the wilds of Nebraska.
HTH,
Hal
Thanks, Hal. I truly didn’t know.
But with due respect to aficionados of chorizo, I will stick to bratwurst and knackwurst. Frankly, the word “chorizo” sounds way too foreign for my tastes.
All the best. Auf Wiedersehen.
RGK
It’s an absolute mess this year, whatever the cause. The sad truth is you can’t reliably send anything in a package unless it can endure up to ten days in transit. Also, even getting to the service window is a matter of hours. The lines are so long that it is impossible to mail anything over the lunch hour.
This seems to be happening quite a bit this season. We sent two food packages, one to NYC, and one to Rochester, on Nov 30, priority mail from the Stuart, FL post office, north of Palm Beach. Supposed to arrive in 3 days. They both headed south, to Opa-Locka near Ft. Lauderdale and stayed there for 3 days before heading north. The NYC package arrived on Tues Dec 8, and Rochester arrived on Dec 8.
We wondered whether they had been scanned because the baked goods might have looked like something illegal, but everything arrived unopened and OK. Cakes are very shelf stable when you use olive oil instead of butter.
Another package mailed at the same time to St. Paul took over 2 weeks to arrive (non-priority). It went to JAX first, instead of OpaLocka and quickly to DesMoines, where it sat for nearly a week before heading north to another facility where it sat for 3 days.
Priority mail is broken, at least for some of us. Regular mail also seems to be suffering.
There us a special corner in hell for anyone who abuses fresh chorizo.
I told the USPS customer care rep that the package contained chorizo. She gasped and say, “Oh my.” She knew.
I don’t often send food to anywhere but my face, yet when I do I use FedEx. I have 4 siblings as USPS lifers. They do not argue with me.
Biggest problem with FedEd is that I have to bring the package to a FedEx drop off location, which is a royal pain in the butt. And my experience with them isn’t much better than USPS priority, yours notwithstanding.
2020 is set to be a disappointing holiday season for many. May this is as bad as it gets at Casa de SJ.
Someone always has it worse, Jake. But this is my blawg, so I get to bitch about my issues.
Spanish, Portuguese, or Mexican?
Jewish. You meant me, right?
You screwed this up by getting chorizo in The City. Just because Dr. SJ’s dad don’t know from chorizo don’t make it the idea.
Get on the plane. Bring Rich. We’ll drive one of the two-lanes across the Swamp. I promise we will find a pig for roadkill. No matter where, the second right will turn it into sausages. Easy-peasy. Then we drive it to NC. There are some really good shithole bars on the way.
I promise. But Rich should bring the robe–there could be some obstacles.
Skink, you have a way of making week-old, mail-truck-temperature chorizo sound like it’s not the worst option in the world.
Sounds like fun, except for the chorizo part. Roadkill ain’t my thing.
Not regular roadkill–we will roadkill it! Fresh! The Skinkmobile has a nose for finding road animals.
For 15 years we’ve sent frozen salmon filets from our home in Alaska to friends and relatives throughout the South 49 states. FedEx overnight has yet to fail us, thankfully. (Fingers crossed.) It ain’t cheap, but since we’ve gone to the trouble of catching and properly processing these marvelous beauties they’re worth the extra time and expense.
Salmon from Alaska is wonderful. The real deal. There’s nothing like it.
We’d be happy to send along a few filets. Let us know where to send them.
My passport card expired around August but since the government was (is?/always has been?) totally broken I decided to wait to renew it until the service times looked more or less normal. Two weeks ago when I looked, the times were normal, so I sent off my passport (still valid), old passport card and money/form in a Priority Mail 2-day envelope. Phoenix, AZ to Philadelphia, PA. USPS in possession on 12/7. Departed local post office 12/7. And nothing since. Another item coming from Wilkes Barre, PA started its journey on 12/1 . Still not received it. Best postage service money can buy.
I just got an email from usps tracking that passport. It finally got to Phoenix.. It took 10days to go 10 miles Priority Mail. Still has to get to PA.
Mexican and Portuguese chorizo? Piffle. Basque is best. Grill over western cedar coals, serve in a buttered hard roll with a smear of brown mustard. Hearty burgundy from a bota and heaven’s vistas open before you.
How did this become “what’s your favorite chorizo” post?
Have you not met us?
Scott,
You gotta admit that sounds pretty awesome.
I’m just sayin’…
A postal employee once told me that when the postal system had to get something delivered the next day, they used FedEx. But, yeah, stories from them, too. And UPS.
But USPS, sigh.
And I’m waiting for that package that was scheduled to arrive here in the burbs of Cleveland on Friday, 12/11. Latest tracking from USPS is that it was “in transit” from New Jersey on Saturday, 12/12. Radio silence since then.
What I learned, much to my chagrin, is that the tracking number radio silence goes on for a year, and then, poof, it’s gone. And with it, any hope of seeing my Jaeger again.
As a native, I must inform you: the correct spelling is “North Cackalacky”. Get it right, you shitlord.
Well I certainly hope I *don’t* get what I deserve, as it would be far less than what this year has already delivered. I want more of what I’ve been getting (except perhaps for the school lockdowns our kids have suffered off and on).
Best you you and yours.
The Real Kurt