I’m bad with names. I’m so bad with names that for a year in college, I only dated women named “Sue” so I wouldn’t get in trouble. I can remember faces, people, things we did and things that happened, but I just can’t pull a name out of the mush in my head when I need to. It can be very embarrassing when someone I know comes over and I need to introduce them, but can’t recall their name. My practice has become to just admit my failing and ask for help. Most people laugh at me for my inability to remember names and life goes on.
There seems to be a lot more people with unusual names these days. By unusual, I mean not the typical popular names that all the kids had when I was growing up. John and Mary are still around, of course, as are Jordan and Tiffany, but the other day I wrote about a woman with an apostrophe in the middle of her name. I have no idea what it was doing there, but there it was.*
I don’t know why there’s an apostrophe in the middle of a name, and I presume the name is otherwise pronounced the way it’s spelled. But I could be wrong. Perhaps the emphasis is on the first syllable. Maybe the third. Unless someone informs me otherwise, I’m left to my own devices, which wouldn’t be much since I suck at names.
Does that make me racist? NPR suggests that it does.
In this episode of RadioActive Youth Media, Keya Roy and Zuheera Ali talk with author Ijeoma Oluo and each other about living in the United States with uncommon names. They also talk to Rita Kohli, a professor at University of California, Riverside, who has researched the effects of mispronouncing names on students of color.
Producer Medha Kumar has her name butchered constantly. Every time a teacher reads the attendance list and gets to her name, she knows they’re looking at her name because they’re squinting. It’s one of those super awkward moments.
In the scheme of unusual names in America, these don’t seem particularly hard to pronounce, but then, I could be completely wrong and pronouncing them (in my mind) wrong. Why people would mispronounce the name more than once when reading from a list is a mystery. Either the teacher is a dolt or he’s intentionally mispronouncing the name. If the former, then he’s a union member. If the latter, then he’s an asshole. Are all teachers dolts or assholes?
Zuheera Ali says she was never one to let someone say her name wrong.
“My name is my identity, and allowing someone else to say it wrong is stripping me of that,” she says. “I feel like as a woman of color, I’m expected to make these changes, especially when I’m at school. But asking me to make my name easier to pronounce is a very unfair way that I have to change.”
A name is a name. If someone pronouncing it wrong strips you of your identity, then your psychological problems likely need tending, and perhaps psychotropic medication. But I suspect this isn’t true, but rather the attempt to turn a banal fact into a claim of victimhood over nothing. But these are students, kids, and they’re being reared in the culture of misery and victimhood. When they grow up, will they laugh at their infantile cries of faux offense or will they be bold, fierce warriors for a cause and miserable about the fact that so few people care about their traumatic world of mispronounced names?
Says co-host Keya Roy: “I always felt like by giving into that pressure to conform and allowing my name to be butchered, I was somehow making life easier for others…
“My name is a way to push me aside, and most of the time, the people who are doing this don’t realize the damage they could be doing to my self-worth and sense of confidence.”
The name “Keya Roy” doesn’t seem particularly hard to pronounce. You have the word “Key,” which is a common English word, with an “a” on the end. Unless this isn’t the pronunciation at all, in which case you would have to let people know that you prefer a pronunciation in defiance of common English pronunciation. And this damages you?
Ijeoma Oluo, author and leading voice on race in America, says her name is often used to discredit her.
“People will try to — as a blatant sign of disrespect — mispronounce my name or mock my name,” Oluo says. “I get that on social media all the time.”
Oluo says people on social media will “deliberately, wildly misspell my name to show to other people how serious must I be taken if I don’t even have what they would consider to be a serious name. It’s racist at its core to think that other cultures names are invalid. It’s othering and purposefully disrespectful, and it’s often used as a weapon against me.”
She continues: “It’s my name and I won’t let anyone take that from me.”
Fair enough. You can have it. But that doesn’t make other culture’s names “invalid,” just unusual, and without a ready comparison to a more typical American name. That you impute “disrespect” doesn’t make it so. It’s just an odd name. Americans can barely spell any word correctly; misspelling your unusual name seems almost a given.
When Black Lives Matter made its first pass through American culture, it faded without significant impact when the complaint shifted from the abhorrent police treatment of black people based on assumptions that blacks were more inclined to crime and violence. When the complaints slid down the slippery slope to matters like House Masters at Harvard having names that sounded the same as slave masters, it lost its punch. People were ready to go to the wall over other people’s lives, but not so much over their hearing words that they decided shouldn’t be uttered.
For all the damage and destruction, the violence and trauma following the killing of George Floyd, remarkably little of use or sustainability has been accomplished. I blame most of this on the well-intended ignorance of reformers, indulging their simplistic fixes when hard, real thought was needed. But at least there was recognition and movement.
When we reach the point where National Public Radio publishes the mispronunciation of names as racism, we reach the stage where seriousness is lost. Nobody is going to risk their life so Keya isn’t stripped of her identity because somebody said her name wrong. Adults should tell the children that they can’t steal a real problem for their own childish claims of victimhood.
*I once asked a black client who used odd punctuation and spelling for his child’s unusual name why. He told me that it made the name “fancy,” and it cost nothing. Whether this was only his rationale or is a more common reason, I can’t say.
His kid’s name sounded somewhat “African,” so I asked whether it was. “No,” he told me. He just made it up and liked it because it sounded as if it was African, but it wasn’t an actual word in any language or a ordinary name in any culture. “It’s fancy,” he reiterated, just in case I missed it the first time. I didn’t see any problem, as he could name his child any damn thing he wanted.
It never occurred to me that it might some day come back to haunt his kid if someone with no basis to know how this made-up name should be pronounced said it wrong.
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My name is Lois. More times than I can count, I have been called Louis, Louise, Lola, Lisa, and though frustrating in some situations, I never thought my identity was being stripped away. Several months ago someone suggested that I join a Facebook page called the Lois Club. The stories about mispronouncing names are numerous and hilarious. Most of us think so. Many mispronunciations are not done on purpose. As a (horrible) phonetic speller, I am often guilty of mispronouncing words and would probably fail a name pronunciation quiz. It is a shame that people’s self esteem is so low that it is dependent on other’s mispronunciation of a name (or word) they have not seen before.
Anyone that whines about name pronunciation should be forced to call out juror names in Queens for a day.
My ex-father in law had a student name Lemonjello because his mother craved lemon Jello when she was pregnant with him. I had a student named Sparkle Chiffon once as well. My wife has a friend who changed her name from Maryam to Royal because 1: she like Royal better, but 2: people always pronounced Maryam as Mary Anne (not sure why, these really are two different names).
I guess where I am going is that you get one maybe two passes to pronounce a name wrong. Is it racism if you do it wrong the second time? Probably not in most cases, but there is also no reason to be a dick about it either, people are really particular sometimes about the names they use. Be respectful. When it comes to identity (and I am focusing on young adults/teens since that is who I interact with the most) its a place where people can really have some ownership over how people perceive them. A lot of the other bullshit we are seeing regarding identity I am skeptical about, but names, just call them whatever they want to be called.
This is, without question, the most meaningless, empty sentence you’ve ever posted here. Did you just finish diversity training?
Slap down accepted.
I recently sat in a room listening the white chair of the Social Justice Studies program babble on about whatever it is he is upset about today…does that count as diversity training?
Seriously though, I am sorry if the sentence was empty. I tend to ramble to the detriment of my argument at times. All I was trying to point out was that a name is name. Why get upset about spelling or pronunciation? There are far more annoying/important whatever reasons to get fired up when it comes to the crazy identity politics of the modern times.
What I hope to point out is no one’s “self worth” is dependent on how someone unwittingly, or if they’re an asshole, deliberately, pronounces their name, and if that traumatizes you (it doesn’t, but we’re playing make believe), then you have far deeper problems than a mispronounced name.
But of course, there’s also the issue of whether to be offended. I admit, I have wondered over the decades why so many people mispronounce “McLeod,” even though it has been a common surname for over a thousand years. Now I see that the belligerent ass-wipes have been doing it on purpose, as part of an effort to cast doubt on the “seriousness” of my name. Next time it happens, I will have to call the offender(s) out for their blatant, anti-Scots racism.
However you pronounce it, your rapper name should be M.C. Loud.
All of these people should be forced to watch Highlander on a loop until they can get it right.
I once heard of someone cocking up “Si se puede” on the third try.
I have a common and entirely phonetic first name that telemarketers and campaign volunteers semi-regularly screw up. I will be eagerly anticipating my invitation from NPR to talk about myself and my oppression at length on the radio.
My last name, (which seems to me like it should be pretty easy: a as in cat, s like z), is commonly pronounced (also spelled, which is a slightly different issue) wrong – in a variety of mostly minor ways. Some friends play with it on purpose. Folks who don’t know me mostly just get it wrong. C’est la vie.
The first few time I argued at the Ohio Supreme Court, the clerk who checked me in had me explain how to pronounce it and made note of the correct pronunciation so the Chief Justice would get it right when calling me to begin the argument. I was impressed.
I’d still get it wrong. Is it g as in jiffy, or g as in game?
The “o” on the end is silent.
So it’s like an old guy seeing a nice skirt…”Look at the gams on that!”…?
I keep the o to make people think I’m Italian.
It works – even with Italians. I was invited to join an Italian-American Bar Association.
Maybe they invited you to join because they thought you would bring donuts.
It’s “g” as in “gif”.
My name is KIRK not KURT you assholes!
I now realize that people who call me Kurt hate me and want to fight me so now I beat the shit out of anyone who calls me Kurt.
In unrelated news, I’m wondering if Scott is available for some light criminal defense work.
Issur Danielovitch feels your pain.
I have to wonder if any of these commentators of color have heard of a continent called “Europe”, which is full of white people who are not native English speakers. It includes some cultures that use more vowels than the Anglo-american brain can comfortably process, and others that just string consonants together with barely any vowels at all. White people have been mispronouncing each other’s names since time immemorial, I’m not sure why people of color would expect to be any different. How do they go about pronouncing an unfamiliar name, when the person who owns it is not immediately in evidence?
When I was a teacher, on the first day of class before I called attendance, I read to the students Louis Lamour’s poem about mispronouncing names. I then apologized in advance for the names I was about to butcher. With that said, I then did my best to pronounce their names the way they pronounced them. When I announced sports, I would make sure I was pronouncing names correctly, especially if one of the players had a odd spelling for their name. I run into this myself with a slightly odd pronunciation of my last name. The number of times and ways that I have heard people butcher it is quite astounding. When I was younger it bothered me more than it does now. What are really problematic are the people who don’t bother to try pronouncing my name right. When they are given the correct pronunciation, and don’t bother to use it, it is a sign to me that they value me very little.
Teachers present a different issue than other people when it comes to their students. I thought I made that clear in the post.
They must have tremendous empathy for the multitudes of European immigrants and movie stars who have had their identities invalidated and pushed aside.
Hmmm. I’ve been graced for decades with one of them names once considered too furrin for polite company. Y’know the type — ends in one of many vowels, 11 letters & 5 syllables long, mispronounced as a matter of course. So freakin’ what? Hell, it could’ve been one of those Eastern European puzzles bereft of vowels which leave me and others clueless. It ain’t hard to see that were we in Katowice, let alone San Something-or-other, the math might would be different, but we ain’t there, are we? Duh.
But why would I expect, like Ms. Oluo, that others necessarily are, or should be, either multilingual or snarky? No other options? If someone really chooses to snark on my moniker, and there are a few, I just smile and say, “It’s OK, it’s difficult for some folks,” and let them figure out the rest. Kinda fun to say that to a guy in a black dress. (Sorry, Richard).
As a general rule, anyone who starts a comment with “Hmmm” starts out in a deep hole.
I’ll take the chance. How has no one already posted this?
The classic.
That people take such deep offense and ascribe such base motives to a simple mispronounciation is a sign of social disease. Our daughter has a common Hebrew name that is constantly mispronounced despite phonetic spelling and we laugh at it. It was,the same at work when my colleagues struggled with Polish names, you just asked and they were happy to explain.
As for the “fancy” spelling, people seem desperate to be unique hence the Utah Names website and the legendary La-a, pronounced Ladasha.
Did Domino mess up your May Day picnic with Aurum again?
Bummer….
Medha Kumar is hard? Med-ha Ku-mar, emphasis on each first syllable. She’s reaching for oppression.
Did Medha have no one but rookie teachers?
I recall in the not so distant past that it wasn’t unusual for people, often from other countries, to informally adopt American names. I believe this was to spare awkward attempts at difficult pronunciations. Even now I have an acquaintance , Sam actual name Somangshu or the name Sid could be Sidney or Siddhartha _ both( Somangshu, Siddhartha)of which I find difficult to sound out and pronounce.
Things don’t always change for the better.
Im one of those foreigners with long names and none too easy for those who cant roll their tongue. When someone on a PA in ‘Murica struggles to announce my name say at a pharmacy, medical clinic or restaurant, I coyly approach their counter and tell them: “Just call me George as I don’t want to see you hurt yourself with whiplash”
Tension diffused. New amigo made.
Ewwwwwwww, you beat me to it!!!!!! And don’t call me late to dinner, either.
Now I’m traumatized that a kindly old vigneron in rural France, ironically named Michel, mangled the pronunciation of “Michael” almost 25 years ago. Should I forgive him? Does treating me and a couple of friends to lunch accompanied by a few bottles of the yet unreleased first bottling of his prestige cuvée of Côte Rotie excuse his inadvertent assault on my identity?
A few bottles wouldn’t hurt.
My wife decided she was not going to take my last name when we got married. At one point I our marriage we had two veterinarians, one of whom referred to me as “Mr M” and her as “Mrs C” . We laugh about it. And when I answer phone calls for “Mr M”, I say “close enough”. The only real problems occur with bureaucrats and other legal entities that still have expectations about married couples sharing last names.
And I have been trying to educate people forever that my last name is shared with a famous Italian singer, and not an English castaway. Please do not refer to me as “Robinson”.
Place names get us snickering at reporters and new weather forecasters, right? How do you pronounce Olean?
Or Pierre, Lead, or Belle Fourche.
These people must lead privileged lives to be concerned with something so trivial and petty.
That’s the point. How does one become a victim when they endure absolutely nothing victimy? And bear in mind, these are kids, preparing themselves for an adult lifetime of victimhood (if they can manage to pull it off). If they aren’t victims, they have no identity to make them special and loved.
I take small comfort in the hope that their children, in an act of rebellion, will not be offended by anything, and will torment their parents with all manner of microaggressions.
Poetic justice is poetic. Imagine if the next gen valued resilience and toughness rather than fragility and victimhood.
The name I use day to day is attached to this comment. But being born in Ireland, I could also use the Irish version of my name – Antoin MacEochaidh. I never knew I had an avenue to experience racism being a pasty white Irishman.
I wonder if anyone who goes before the 9th Circuit gets Justice Diarmuid O’Scannlain’s name wrong? Is that even wise?
Can we take a moment to talk about misspellings of names also erases folks’ identities? Look, you shitlords, my name has a Y in it, not an I. AM I NOT A MAN?
Imagine how people named “Aaron” feel when someone leaves off the extra “a”?
They feel like Elvis.