It’s time once again for a collection of musings, observations, opinions, and ramblings, all offered by a visually-impaired middle-aged crazy man on the Internet. As such, none of these should be taken seriously. Unless, of course, you agree with me.

I learned this week “Ogentroost” is the name of a Dutch metal band. It also sounds like some kind of obscure liver disease.

People with irritable bowel syndrome who live in glass houses probably regret their choice in real estate purchases.

You know who really should be deplatformed? That stupid voice from the self-checkout lane at the grocery store telling me repeatedly to “remove all purchased items.” IT’S TAKING A MINUTE, YOU STUPID COMPUTERIZED ASSHOLE. BE PATIENT.

My six-year-old son’s take on “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”: “Headband wearing turtles who eat pizza and fight bad guys? That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard of.” Out of the mouths of babes…

Do yourself a favor and refrain from singing along to Journey’s “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” if the song comes on while you’re waiting for your kids in the school car line. Trust me on this one.

Speaking of school car lines, they are not centers for polite discussion. They are there to pick up and drop off your kids. If your little tykes aren’t ready to hit the pavement running like soldiers storming the beach in Normandy, then maybe you should park in the goddamn lot like the other busybodies with time for idle banter.

If “ifs” and “buts” were candy and nuts, a bunch of us would probably need dental floss and suffer from tooth decay.

Wrestling legend Jim Cornette once offered this critique of a tag team: “Worst haircuts I’ve ever seen and one of them’s got prison tattoos.” Somehow that’s stuck with me ever since I heard it. One of those “once you see it” moments, y’know?

This year will see a resurgence in the works of Jerry Orbach and John Lithgow. It’s a hunch, but I’m usually right on these things.

I recently got to try shwarama. I’m not even sure if that’s how it’s spelled but it’s damned delicious. Whoever came up with the idea to put French Fries IN a sandwich needs a medal, a statue, or something like that.

Here’s a fun thing to try. Put two rubber bands around your wrist. You have to be wearing a watch or sleeves to cover one of them. Don’t let someone else see the second band on your wrist. Take one of them, put it on your pinky finger, and then ask the mark to hold onto your middle finger and look away. While they’re looking away ditch the one on your pinky and slide the remaining one on your wrist up onto your middle finger. Then invite the mark to try and take the band off without moving their hands. You’ll want to have a couple of extra rubber bands around and it’s probably a good idea to show them how it’s done immediately after, especially if other people are watching.

We got four years of one side bitching about how the guy in charge was a bad man and the country as we knew it was ending. Looks like we’re getting more of the same for another four years. The more things change, the more they really do stay the same.

Metallica’s “Unforgiven” was playing as wait music while I was on hold yesterday and BOY do I feel old as fuck now.

Most people don’t know David Allen Coe recorded an album with the heavy metal band Pantera. The group called themselves DAC and the Cowboys From Hell and the album title was “Rebel Meets Rebel.” Check it out. It’s pretty badass.

These are actual rap lyrics I heard recently: “I was clapping when the chef brought the duck to the table. Yo, that shit was shining like an angel. I never trust a dude named Angel.” Someone gave this man record deal money. Unbelievable.

Here’s fun thing I like to do to people on occasion. I superglued a nail to a nickel once. I’d approach people with a regular nickel and make it stick to my forehead with a little bit of pressure. I’d ask someone if they knew how to do it. Inevitably, people say yes. I’d then switch out the real nickel for my gimmicked one, slap it on the table in front of the stranger, and say “You want to try? It only hurts once!” I learned that from “Diamond” Jim Tyler.

That’s all for this week, everybody! Hope your weekend is fantastic, and no matter how bad your week was, at least you didn’t spend part of it in an elevator facing the wall because you have to stick to your principles about such things!

We’ll see you back next week!