Seaton: Alabama’s Robot Lawyer

“I thought I made it clear no cell phones are allowed in my courtroom!”

Judge Marvin Hullander’s face registered equal parts befuddlement and annoyance when he saw James Benjamin set a device that looked like an iPhone at the defense table.

“If I may, your honor?” a voice came from the back of the courtroom. A well-dressed man raised his hand and proceeded to make his way forward. “Stan Sampson, President of Advanced Idea Mechanics. What Mr. Benjamin has in front of him isn’t a cell phone. It’s his attorney.”

“Do what now?” Judge Hullander sputtered.

“We at AIM seek to improve the human experience by replacing the faulty parts of humans. In the case of the justice system that’s the lawyer,” Sampson began. “Enter LawGPT, or Elgy as we like to call him.” Sampson gestured toward the device in front of Mr. Benjamin.

“This device houses a sophisticated artificial intelligence capable of replacing human attorneys with top flight legal representation. It knows every case reported, every rule of court, and every Supreme Court decision. The state of the art omnidirectional camera can see any piece of evidence proffered in court, and the microphones will listen to and analyze testimony as it’s given in real time. Elgy will make objections where appropriate as well.”

“Why is this ‘Elgy’ in my courtroom?” Judge Hullander asked.

“Because Mr. Benjamin agreed to let Elgy be his counsel of choice, and because we needed a test market before scaling Elgy to mass production.” Sampson replied. “Our analytics team concluded Driftwood County, Alabama was small enough to where if any problems required attention, they wouldn’t be noticed here.”

“I’m a touch loathe to let this machine take the place of counsel,” Judge Hullander began. “However, Mr. Benjamin has the right to the counsel of his choosing, even if that counsel is a robot I suppose. We’ll be entering into the record he chose to represent himself pro se.”

A disembodied robotic voice on the device said “That would be inaccurate. As Elgy I am specifically designed to represent people in court and maximize beneficial outcomes for my clients. Therefore Mr. Benjamin is not acting on his own behalf. Your record would be inaccurate.”

Judge Hullander did not like being corrected by a machine. He glowered and said, “Mr. Benjamin, sir, it’s your funeral. Mr. Fielding, you will begin presenting the state’s proof.”


Later, District Attorney Perry Fielding questioned Deputy Ernesto Miranda about the traffic stop leading to the arrest and subsequent charge of DUI James Benjamin faced.

“What gave you cause to pull Mr. Benjamin’s motor vehicle over?”

“As you can see on the tape here,” Miranda began, “Mr. Benjamin’s vehicle drifts over the shoulder line for about three seconds here. I determined there was cause to stop the vehicle and pulled him over.”

“What did you observe when you approached Mr. Benjamin in his vehicle?”

“Objection,” Elgy squawked from its housing. “Calls for speculation.”

Benjamin stared at the machine charged with getting him off. It really hadn’t done much other than say “Objection” several times while the State presented their case.

“Your honor, what the witness observed with his own eyes isn’t speculation at all!”

“Overruled. You may continue, Deputy Miranda.”

“Guy totally smelled like he’d bathed in a brewery.”

“Did you administer a field sobriety test?”

“I did. There was a noticeable impediment and difficulty performing the required tasks, but the Defendant blamed it on lack of sleep, coding software to meet a product deadline.”

“Was the Defendant’s speech slurred or impaired in any way?”

“Objection” barked Elgy. “Leading.”

“I’ll allow but watch yourself Mr. Fielding.”

“He wasn’t really slurring but he stumbled over a couple of words.”

“Were any other tests administered during this stop?”

“Yes, a Breathalyzer.”

“What did the Defendant blow on the breathalyzer?”

“Breathalyzer results showed a BAC of .1. I determined at this time it was necessary to charge Mr. Benjamin with Driving Under the Influence and placed him in custody.”

A screen on Elgy displayed the word “Calculating” as Deputy Miranda continued his testimony. When Miranda and Fielding paused briefly in their back and forth, the machine squawked again.

“Sidebar, Your Honor?”

Judge Hullander and the District Attorney both looked interested in this turn of events. The jurist motioned for both the DA and the machine to approach the bench.

James Benjamin carried Elgy before Judge Hullander. He almost dropped the AI Lawyer in shock when it said, “Your Honor, at this time my client would like to change his plea to guilty and throw himself on the mercy of the court.”

“Wait,” Benjamin said in shock and frustration. “No I don’t! I’m not guilty!”

“You’re totally guilty,” intoned the metallic voice of Elgy.

“You’re full of shit. Stan?? STAN?? What the hell is..”

Elgy cut off Benjamin. “You’re guilty as sin.” Elgy’s display screen brought up an image of Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf hissing “You sit on a throne of lies!”

This was unthinkable for Benjamin. He’d planned to hire a human attorney but when Stan Sampson and his AIM goons showed up at the door, he bought into the whole “future of justice” line AIM sold. Now his life was being bargained away by a witty iPhone reject.

Elgy continued. “A statistical analysis of this court’s prior decisions in DUI cases reveals an 87% conviction rate. This District Attorney boasts a 90% conviction rate on DUI cases. Given the available evidence and review of precedent, it is only rational my client spare us all time and energy and plead guilty, asking for leniency as this is my client’s first offense.”

Mr. Fielding and Judge Hullander exchanged confused looks. Both were not expecting a robot lawyer to calculate and predict what they were going to do in court today. Neither liked being told the obvious, despite the machine technically being correct predicting both men’s predilections in these sort of cases.

Judge Hullander finally broke the silence. “Do you wish to change your plea to guilty, Mr. Benjamin?”

Fielding cast a sideways glance. “We’d be asking for 100 hours of community service if you did. Just to get that damn machine out of here.”

Elgy squawked. “Average sentence for this kind of case is 3 days jail and suspension of driving credentials. Maximum benefit achieved. Client, please indicate your assent to this arrangement.”

Benjamin thought it over. “As long as I don’t lose my license I’ll…okay, whatever. Shafted by machines one day, shafted by them for a lifetime.”

“I need you to verbally indicate you’re changing your plea to Guilty.”

“Fine,” Benjamin said with a touch of pain in his voice. “I’m changing my plea to guilty and taking the community service.”

James Benjamin left court that day cognizant he’d dodged a bullet and with a firm resolve to sue the shit out of Stan Sampson and Advanced Idea Mechanics.

AIM privately shuttered LegalGPT, deeming it “not scalable for market use.”

Judge Hullander and Perry Fielding were grateful that night as each sipped Bowmore 18 from fine crystal tumblers, that they would never (hopefully) see a robot lawyer in court again.

If there’s one thing this debacle can teach us, friends, it’s that no machine will replace the human element of lawyers completely.

When it’s your flesh and blood on the line, you’ll be grateful a human stood beside you. Or you’ll play with robots and wind up on a trash pickup crew.

And no artificial intelligence can lay a line of bullshit down like a human.

14 thoughts on “Seaton: Alabama’s Robot Lawyer

  1. Hunting Guy

    Isaac Asimov.

    “First Law
    A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

    Second Law
    A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

    Third Law
    A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.”

    1. Nigel Declan

      I think Elgy might object and point out that Asimov was neither a jurist nor a legislator, such that his “laws” are neither official nor binding.

      That said, I smiled when clicking the “I’m not a robot” box on the ReCAPTCHA for this post.

  2. Mike V.

    If you think the idea of a robot lawyer is bad, just think what robot judges and juries would be like! Nothing but cold logic. No lenience, no mercy, just did/did not; and whatever the sentencing guidelines called for. I almost gives the Heebie Jeebies.

      1. The Infamous Oregon Lawhobbit

        I have now….and nodded strongly in agreement. As usual.

        But back to the topic at hand:

        What will be fun to watch will be when the robot prosecutor, in front of the computer judge, is prosecuting an AI driver for the first time….

        Special side kudos to Bill’s reference to HBP and Cosmic Computer (a.k.a. Junkyard Planet)!

  3. Bill the Shoe

    From H. Beam Piper, The Cosmic Computer:
    “With Merlin, we could set up a legal code and a system of jurisprudence that would give everybody absolute justice,” Judge Ledue said.
    As if absolute justice wasn’t the last thing anybody in his right senses would want; a robot-judge would have the whole planet in jail inside a month.

  4. F. Lee Billy

    Visions of HAL coming to court. What took them so long?
    Very funny, if you’re not the defendant.

    [Ed. Note: Balance deleted. Bill, this is not an opportunity for you to relive your myriad grievances with the legal system comment by comment.]

    1. F. Lee Billy

      Hey, we tried. We have a lot of time on our hands and it’s nasty outdoors today. Oh wait, the wheels of justice turn too slowly,…

  5. Howl

    I have heard that DA Perry Fielding’s grandfathers were Perry Mason and Dan Fielding.
    There are rumors that some family members attuned to the latest developments in language realignment are considering changing their surname from Fielding to Practicuming.
    Deputy Ernesto Miranda has been criticized by his boss for giving out too few traffic tickets and too many warnings.
    I’ll show myself out.

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