[Prefatory note: This week we’re doing a song parody of the Bob Newman/Buck Owens classic “Pfft You Were Gone,” arguably made famous by the show “Hee-Haw.” Here’s a link to the song if you aren’t familiar with it.

Cheers
–CLS]

Lyrics
[Verse 1]
Down here at the house, child care gets messy
Kids lay around with nothing to do
When you skipped town, you took my nights out now
I miss those more than I miss you

[Verse 2]
You took off your shoes, socks and eye glasses
And you should have heard my cries of joy
I wanted to praise, thank you and pay you
But you ditched my kids for some college boy

[Chorus]
Where, oh, where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over, thought I found good child care
Someone paid you more and PFFT you were gone.

[Verse 3]
I know you loved my kids, here’s how I know it
The proof’s hanging up in the laundry room
When I hear stories of diaper dandies
You made sure they disappeared soon

[Verse 4]
We ask you to play with our dear children
That’s not too much of an ask, we think
When we come home we’ll be shocked if you say
“I’m gone, your children done drove me to drink.”

[Chorus]
Where, oh, where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over, thought I found good child care
Someone paid you more and PFFT you were gone.

[Verse 5]
Remember you phoned me, a-sobbin’ and cryin’
Asking if my kids got ice cream tonight
I said “How was dinner?” You said”they did not eat”
I said “use your brain; decipher what’s right.”

[Chorus]
Where, oh, where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over, thought I found good child care
Someone paid you more and PFFT you were gone.

I never said I was a musician, dear readers. That’s the domain of SJ’s cultural ambassadors.

But I couldn’t refrain from trying to improve on Hee-Haw in a manner fitting for our times.

We’ll see you next week, everyone!