Hello, friends! It’s your humble humorist with a quick check in before I flee blessed Knoxville for the harsh environs of Vermont for my father-in-law’s birthday. I have an exciting announcement to make: I’m a published musician now!

Don’t congratulate me too much. There’s a bit of a dumb story here.

I got into a mood last week when I injured my shoulder and decided I wanted to learn how to DJ. How I was to do this, I had zero idea, but that’s what the internet is for, right? Learning random shit at a moment’s notice?

After arguing with my nine-year-old son that yes, I totally could create an album in a day and being determined to prove I’m right, I decided to take an efficiency shortcut. I used an AI app to create my DJ name.

Hey, if it’s good enough for Donald Glover to use the Wu-Tang Name Generator to make albums as “Childish Gambino,” I figure I can do it too.

This is how yours truly became “DJ wolf Excessive.”

Yes, the small W and capital E are important. Branding, you understand. Next was a trip to Grok for a logo so I can start selling merchandise.

BEHOLD:

Not bad, right? Anyway, here’s my first album, The Hoopy Doopy Project. I hope you enjoy it. Please have fun with it. It’s all on Twitter. And if you like it, share it. Make me famous, people.

Check out this song! https://t.co/gFL7RecYMl Hoopy Doopy part One

— Chris Seaton (@clsesq) May 31, 2025

There are a bunch more here, which I tried to include in this post but my mean-ass editor told me wouldn’t work and I should not give up my day job. [Ed. Note: Can confirm.]

What do you think? How long before I’m playing Coachella?

See you next week!