Trump turned 80 today, and coincidentally according to Trump, the south lawn of the White House has been turned into a UFC cage match extravaganza. The images of the “claw” with the White House behind it and the names of various corporate sponsors emblazoned on the cage has already gone viral. At least Trump has a financial interest in the company behind the fight, so the sale of the White House to commercial interests won’t be wasted. 

The Claw is a 600-ton steel arch built in Belgium. Jumbo-sized and star-spangled, with huge television screens hanging from every corner, it coexists strangely with the rest of its environs.

It towers over the old willow oaks and magnolia trees planted long ago by past presidents on the gentle slope of the South Lawn. It towers over the White House itself. Spectators seated in the topmost section on Sunday night will be on eye level with the Truman balcony.

Some will want to watch the UFC fights. Our resident humorist, Chris Seaton, has graciously offered to take the bullet and watch. It can be seen on Paramount Plus for a mere $8.99 and up. Trump said he expected Superbowl size viewership, which he will no doubt claim whether or not it’s true. Remember the military parade he threw for his birthday last year that was a total bore for all twelve people who came to see it?

At this point, complaining about the desecration of the White House, not to mention the damage to the south lawn, is pointless. The fight will go on, regardless of propriety or debasement of the White House for use as a birthday gimmick. Hopefully, it will be a good fight, so at least those subscribers to David Ellison’s Paramount Plus will get their $8.99 worth.

But what won’t be shown is the desecration of the Lincoln Memorial, which was also used as a  prop.

Last night, while workers were putting up scaffolding at the Kennedy Center, Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) fighters held a press conference at the Lincoln Memorial in advance of the UFC cage matches to be held at the White House on Trump’s 80th birthday on Sunday. Trump sent the United States Army Herald Trumpets, the U.S. Army ensemble chiefly responsible for playing the entrance and exit fanfares for the President of the United States, to open the event.

The fighters walked from Lincoln’s statue down the steps of the memorial through the Armed Forces Full Honor Cordon, a pathway formed between two groups made up of sixteen service members in dress uniforms. This is the U.S. military’s highest ceremonial formation, usually reserved for heads of state, foreign dignitaries, senior officials, and funerals for military heroes.

Heads of state and UFC fighters. What’s the big deal? The solemnity and dignity of the Armed Forces Full Honor Cordon doesn’t mean it can’t also be enjoyed at the circus. After all, if the Commander-In-Chief says “play” to the Army Herald Trumpets, play they will, dammit.

This morning the weigh-in for the UFC fights at the White House also took place at the Lincoln Memorial. Heavyweight fighter Josh Hokit seemed to pretend to throw up, dribbling colored liquid from his mouth. “So what? Maybe I was drinking last night,” Hokit told the media there. “Who wouldn’t be? I’ve got a giant man who wants to knock me out,” he said, referring to his scheduled opponent Derrick Lewis, whom Alex Pattle of Yahoo! Sports identifies as Trump’s favorite fighter. “He has the most knockouts in UFC history.”

It’s good to know Trump has a favorite fighter, given that he can’t name a favorite book he’s read or his favorite bible passage. And what’s the big deal about feigning vomit after passing the Full Honor Cordon? Hey, it’s show biz.

I don’t know what a good cage match is supposed to look like. I’ve only seen brief clips and have no desire to see anymore. But I hope the birthday battle begets beneficence since it would be a shame if the sanctity of American icons, its military, its dignity were sold for a crappy fight that nobody watched. After all, it’s being held at your house, The People’s House, whether you like it or not. And according to Little Marco Rubio, it’s a one-off thing. Until next year.

“Sunday is an unbelievable, historic, I think never-to-be-repeated — until next year — experience for the American people,” Rubio stated.

Happy birthday, President Trump.