Ed. Note: This is Part 2 of the adventure. Part 2 can be found here.

Sheriff Roy Templeton snickered wildly at the latest Bridget Phetasy column in “The Spectator” when he heard a knock at the door of his residence.

Mud Lick’s top law enforcement officer answered the door. It was as he expected. “The Corsican Brothers” were two former dopers the Sheriff arrested once named Pedro and Dave. No one actually believed they were related by blood, but the two had a head for business and Sheriff Roy liked seeing the two men succeed beyond their drug using days.

“Gentlemen,” the Sheriff said in greeting. “I’ve been expecting you. You’re here for the asbestos testing, right?”

“Sure thing, Sheriff, man,” said Dave. Pedro nodded eagerly.

“Well, come in then.”

“Cat got your tongue, Mr. De Pacas?” Sheriff Roy asked as they surveyed the kitchen and its water damaged ceiling.

“Nah, boss, I was just finishing a burger before we got over here. Don’t want to eat on the job, you know? It’s not exactly state-compliant when it comes to doing this sort of test.”

“You’re just afraid of a mesothelioma burger, man,” laughed Dave.

“Shut up, fool, we’re on the clock!” Pedro reprimanded him.

“So how does this work?” the Sheriff asked.

“Simple, man,” replied Dave. “Pedro and I are going to take three samples out of your celling here. We’re going to vacuum seal them in bags, take them to our lab and then they’ll all be tested for asbestos. We should have you results in about 24 hours or so.”

“That’s a quality turnaround time,” Sheriff Roy remarked.

“Oh there’s one more thing,” Pedro said. “The total for the test is five hundred and seventy five dollars and we need that dough before we release the test results.”

Sheriff Roy understandably swore at this. After two minutes of EXTREMELY blue language, dear readers, the Sheriff took a breath and asked another question.

“So in the event you find a positive test result, when can you start on the removal?”

“Oh no man we can’t do that,” replied Dave. “Turns out state law calls that a conflict of interest, so you’re going to have to call someone else. Fortunately we got some numbers if you need a guy, Sheriff.”

“Figures. Okay get started gentlemen. I’ll be in the TV room watching ‘Timcast IRL’ if you need me.”

Sheriff Roy had recently taken to the beanie-wearing fellow on the YouTube who read the evening news while talking about coffee and skateboards with a faint Russian accent. He’d even recently ordered some coffee called “Ian’s Graphene Dream” from this Pool fellow, and found the taste quite agreeable. Unfortunately, the loud noise of Pedro and Dave’s vacuums made it almost impossible to hear the witty banter from the panel of guests in studio.

If there was one thing that took Sheriff Roy’s mind off the whole calamitous situation, it was witty banter on his favorite shows.

The men collected their belongings and left. Once they departed the premises, Sheriff Roy surveyed the damage to his kitchen. Three square holes were now visible in the kitchen ceiling, the only remaining indicator the Corsicans had ever been there.

Speaking of the Corsican brothers, they came on a Friday so the Sheriff decided to wait until Monday before calling them to check on the test results.

“Hey yeah, Sheriff, we got those results for you! Did you pay the fee?” asked Dave.

“Yessir I did. I’m an officer of the law after all. Now out with the findings please.”

“It’s good news, man! All three test samples were negative for asbestos! You can call the water damage people now and get started drying your shit out, man!”

Sheriff Roy begged the men for a moment and placed them on hold. He then pulled his squad car over, got out, and let out the loudest “HELL TO THE FUCKING YES” he’d ever uttered in his life. Getting back in the car and composing himself, Sheriff Roy took Dave off hold.

“So when can we get this result to the water damage people, Dave?”

“I already emailed them the full report. You should expect them to call you in a day or so to get started with their stuff, man.”

“Well, Dave, this was expensive as hell but worth it. Thank you for your help.”

“Oh, you’re welcome, Sheriff. Happy to do the job, And Sheriff?”

“Yessir?”

“I’m going to pray for you tonight that the water damage people don’t send out Roxie and Marge. They’re bad news, man.”

With that, Dave hung up.

And Sheriff Roy’s blood ran cold.

TO BE CONTINUED…