When it comes to offering opportunities to show the world that you, a criminal defense lawyer extraordinaire, are a pre-eminent defender in your city, county or state, the criminal defense bar lags far behind other practice areas, particularly the personal injury field.  Hard to believe but true.

As Eric Turkewitz found out, a few shekels buys a PI lawyer a huge return in client self-promotion, the sort of thing that makes a client with a catastrophic injury chose pick one over the vast array of available talent out there.  How to distinguish yourself this way?

If you ask me, the logo is rather cheesy looking, and the name, while suggesting Big Money, just wouldn’t translate well for criminal defense lawyers, since it sounds like the Million Dollars refers to the legal fee, a potentially off-putting idea.  But for a mere $1,200 smackers, they get a great piece of paper to put on the Ego Wall and impress the living crap out of potential clients, plus a logo to use on a website, as well as something really big to crow about, that will draw in the injured and maimed like flies to sugar.  Why should PI lawyers get all the really good marketing tricks and criminal defense lawyers be left to fend for themselves.

Therefore, I have decided to institute something special for criminal defense lawyers: 

The Simple Justice Excellence in Criminal Defense Award

Here’s the deal.  The “winners”, and since it’s based on purely objective, fixed criteria, must satisfy my extremely high standards, will receive a huge certificate to hang on the wall, something like the old Supreme Court admissions certificates before the cut them down in size and changed the image to the front of the Supreme Court building.  You know, when it used to look really impressive.  It will have old English style writing, like the New York Times banner, and a big gold-colored seal with ribbons hanging off.  The ribbons will be bright red and blue, so that you can’t miss them.  This impressive certificate, guaranteed to impress even the most hardened of criminal, will be the centerpiece of your marketing strategy, and will more than pay for itself.*

In the upper center, there will be a logo, something like the Monaco Coat of Arms that appears really regal and important, that includes a motto like “Champion of Justice.”  It will also include something in Latin, because no one can understand what it says but people are blown away with lawyers who appear to know and use Latin, which reflects your intelligence and education and shows that you know more than they do.  The same logo will be available for use on your website and the Award can be included when you claim your Avvo profile, raising your Avvo rating to 10, the best there is!

All “nominees” will have to pass my personal scrutiny to determine whether you meet my exacting criteria for this prestigious award.  You can nominate yourself or someone else, but all nominations must be accompanied with a check (good, not rubber) to cover my nominal processing costs of $2,400.  That’s right, only $2,400, twice what it costs to join the PI lawyer one, because we’re criminal defense lawyers and with this prestigious award, clients are going to be throwing money at you to defend them!  We’re twice as good and should pay twice as much.  Let’s rub it in their little PI faces that we can win Awards for a mere $2,400!

And the best part is that this Award comes with the name Simple Justice, the most trusted name in criminal defense, recognized worldwide as the gold standard for excellence, integrity and zealous representation. 

Don’t delay.  There will only be a grand total of only 5,000 awards available per year, so don’t miss out on this opportunity to show your clients and potential clients that they are fortunate indeed to have the opportunity to be represented by an SJ Excellence in Criminal Defense Award winner.

You paid for it.  You deserve it.  Operators are standing by. 

*Allow 6-12 months for deliver.