I hope James “Whitey” Bulger calls me. Now that the feds have nabbed him, he’s in play, and I want him. So what if he’s in LA, soon to be returned to Boston, and I’m not. I still want him.
Bulger is wanted in connection with 19 murders. He went on the lam after he was tipped off in 1994 that he was about to be indicted for his alleged role in the killings. Now 81, Bulger was the inspiration for a character in the movie “The Departed,” which starred Jack Nicholson and Matt Damon. (It doesn’t take a leap of imagination to posit that a second movie involving Bulger could be in the offing.)
Other than Dillinger and the Dapper Don, Whitey is the embodiment of the outlaw. On the run for almost two decades, when his bud’s inside the FBI tipped him off (payback, you know), and now closing in on the bitter edge of middle age, Whitey is the stuff of movies. So what if he was a brutal killer. He has that romantic crime boss thing going. It would be a shame to waste it.
Whitey knows he’s never coming out alive. There’s no point in parsing the details of the case, hoping for some boneheaded mistake that will free the former number 2 on the FBI’s most wanted (and most embarrassing) list. Nobody is letting Whitey have half a chance. And nobody knows this better than Whitey. You don’t stay on the lam for that long without being a smart guy.
So this is prime for Plan B (no, not that Plan B, but my Plan 
. His days running, killing, drug dealing, hanging with his woman, done. At 81, he would be lucky to make it to trial intact, as things go wrong at that age when you spend time in the hole.
The only thing left is his legacy. Forget Jack Nicholson, and that creepy expression that makes you mutter “redrum.” I’m thinking someone young and virile, charming and romantic. Trying to pretend it didn’t happen would only diminish the brand, when the time is ripe for broaden the smile, admit it all and be proud of being the last mobster.
Whitey needs a lawyer, but more than a lawyer, he needs an agent, a publicist and a dental hygienist. A beautiful smile works wonders.
But not even a beautiful smile is going get Whitey off. His legacy is all he has left. He might as well put all his effort into the best movie possible.
Call me, Whitey. I know the perfect hygienist to give you the brightest smile.
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As someone now eligible for senior citizen discounts, I see where you’re coming from, but “bitter edge of middle age” at 81?
You don’t like the word “bitter?”
Let’s just say his teeth are much better than you would think. Gotta teach the kids better about computer security.. It was his son that got him busted…. If you are going to put your pic on the internet, don’t include your parent.
I’m pulling for you, Scott!
But why do you think he’s going to be in the HOLE, PC (protective custody) maybe, but not necessarily the HOLE/SHU. Because of his age, he stands to get pretty attentive care. Oh, it won’t be easy, not like living in a luxury apartment in Santa Monica with your trophy-moll; but not horrible.
Still I like “your plan,” Scott. It’s all about the legacy!
BL
In California, if a serious criminal publishes his story, the proceeds have to go into a trust for the benefit of the victims (their families in the case of a murderer). I’m surprised all states don’t yet have this law.
It’s not about money. Whitey won’t need money.
Whitey is currently asking for a public defender on the grounds that he has no money, since the Feds took the $800,000 he had stashed in his apartment.
However, his brother the politician is quite rich, and perhaps he’ll offer to pay for Whitey’s attorney.
Aw, come on. Whitey would have to be nuts to piss away money on a lawyer. If anything, Universal or Tri-Star should pay his legal fees. After all, whoever gets his life rights is the only one who will cash in on Whitey.