The Exhausted Overlord

The great female philospher, Lena Dunhan, twitted her cute explanation that this election wasn’t about the extinction of white man, but “the evolution of men into better men.” She didn’t quite explain what she meant by “better men,” as this was twitter, but Jill Filipovic provided a detailed explanation in the paper of record.

What this campaign has shown us is that while feminism has transformed American culture, our politics and the lives of women, men haven’t evolved nearly as rapidly. Women changed. Too many men didn’t. What happens next?

Filipovic provides the details of feminist evolution, the virtues that are about to culminate in the crowning achievement of an election, the ones that white males have refused to accept.

For women, feminism is both remarkably successful and a work in progress: We are in the work force in record numbers, but rarely ascend to the highest ranks. Sexual violence is taken more seriously than ever, but women still experience it, usually from men they know, at astounding rates. Women are more visible in public life and create more of the media and art Americans consume, but we still make up just 19 percent of Congress and 33 percent of speaking roles in the 100 top-grossing films.

If this reflects a rather myopic and simplistic view of the world, fear not. This is a shorthand for feminist tribalism. It may sound no more thoughtful than Dunham, but if you’ve evolved, you get it. And if you’re male, then, there’s nothing to be done with you anyway.

Still, young women are soaring, in large part because we are coming of age in a kind of feminist sweet spot: still exhibiting many traditional feminine behaviors — being polite, cultivating meaningful connections, listening and communicating effectively — and finding that those same qualities work to our benefit in the classroom and workplace, opening up more opportunities for us to excel. And while we do find ourselves walking the tightrope between being perceived as a nice bimbo or a competent bitch, there are more ways to be a woman than ever before. It’s no longer unusual to meet a female lawyer or engineer. No one bats an eye if we cut our hair short, wear pants, pay with a credit card in our own name, win on the soccer field, or buy our own home.

If this sounds rather banal, as in men cared deeply whether there was a rash of women who cut their hair short and then appeared on public streets defiling our world, it is. Women have their own issues, and never really caught on to the fact that no one cares. We don’t care how they cut their hair. We really couldn’t care less whose shoes they wear. We don’t notice.

But don’t tell them, as it only gives rise to another flurry of rationalizations about how they do it for themselves and there are fragile men out there who obsess over such things. Just because you’re too clueless to realize the pain of their lived experiences doesn’t mean it’s not real. If they say it is, then it is, and only a bad male would deny them their fantasy.

Men haven’t gained nearly as much flexibility. The world has changed around them, but many have stayed stuck in the past. While women have steadily made their way into traditionally male domains, men have not crossed the other way. Men do more at home than they used to, but women still do much more — on an average day, 67 percent of men do some housework compared with 85 percent of women. Male identity remains tied up in dominance and earning potential, and when those things flag, it seems men either give up or get angry.

This, perhaps more than anything else, explains the rise of Donald J. Trump: He promised struggling white men that they could have their identities back.

There are two types of men in Filipovic’s world. Men who have evolved to become the sort of men Lena Dunham wants them to be, and struggling white men who want their identities back. And this is tied to the king of struggling white men, a candidate in whom neither Filipovic nor Dunham have much faith.  This is the candidate of not just dinosaur white men, but failed ones who miss the days when the world was theirs, when their wimmen served them beers during the game, then hid in the kitchen preparing their favorite meals.

Does this sound like you? Does this sound like your politics? You embrace equality, take no issue with women working and excelling if they have the chops to do so. But the dirty secret is that women have gone past equality into the world of special treatment to compensate for their perceived failings. And that’s where they want men to follow. The good men. The evolved ones.

Men don’t need more masculine posturing or promises to restore them to forever-gone greatness. What they need is to make their own move toward gender equality, to break down the stereotypes and fetters of masculinity. Feminists, understandably, have focused on women; we have enough to do without being tasked with improving the lot of often-misogynistic men, too. If the white men who feel ignored, disrespected and lost want to see their lives improve, they should take a cue from the great feminist strides women have made and start to embrace that progress.

Life really is better with more fluid gender roles that allow individuals to do what they’re good at instead of what’s socially prescribed. Every feminist I know will tell you that men bring much more to the table than physical strength or a paycheck, and that we would love a world in which men were free to be resilient and tender, ambitious and nurturing, expressive and emotional.

If this election is, as the gals seem to suggest, a referendum for men to decide what they want to be, it could turn out very differently than it’s likely to turn out. You see, women like Filipovic and Dunham truly believe that what men need to evolve into is women. Jill assures us that “life really is better” that way. Does that convince you? Will you be happy to miss the game to go shoe shopping?

Sorry to use such a stereotypical trope to make a point, because there are many women who want to watch the game every bit as much as a guy, and who don’t obsess over their footwear or their hair. For a great many men, we welcome women to stand beside us, to become whatever their talents and intellect allow.

But when they want to pretend they get to be the boss and demand that the other side bend to their will, they lose us. And if they really want to make this a referendum on males becoming more feminine, then they’ll only get the ones they already neutered. The rest of us are just fine being guys, and have no plans to change to the kind of guys who make Jill or Lena happy. We frankly don’t give a damn and never have.

Regardless of whom we vote for, it’s not because men want to be women, any more that we find Lena Dunham attractive or intelligent. And we won’t be goaded by Filipovic into voting for Trump, no matter how hard she tries.

32 thoughts on “The Exhausted Overlord

  1. Mike G.

    I married a feminist, but through love and compassion, I got her to see that making me sandwiches and bringing me beer during the Sunday football games would give her a higher purpose. And she won’t be goaded by Trump into voting for Clinton no matter how hard he tries.

  2. traderprofit

    Will you be happy to miss the game to go shoe shopping?

    Only if the shoe shopping is on Amazon, and only if the Browns/Jets are playing.
    Otherwise, I have to switch between my favorite fictional shows: Criminal Minds and Forensic Files.

    The reality is the straight feminists completely forget about all this BS when they think a guy is really cute.

  3. Nigel Declan

    Assuming arguendo that Trump does not win the election and in due course fades into relative (by his standards) obscurity, what will feminists do after they lose their most popular target, not only for the things Trump actually said, but for things his opponents falsely ascribed to him or accused him of causing or abetting?

    To paraphrase Voltaire, if Candidate Trump no longer exists, will it be necessary for feminists to re-invent him?

  4. PVanderwaart

    People who study these things say that human nature has not changed much in recorded history. To say that women have evolved in one generation is silly, and to expect men to evolve at all is ridiculous. Our society has changed in the last 100 years, but to expect that change to last forever without challenge is unrealistic.

    Ms. Denham is 30. When I was 30, I thought that it was universally recognized that tattooing was disgusting and that it had been banished from polite society forever.

    1. Alurkalot

      Of course it doesn’t, and it can’t. Man-splaining is derogatory; it’s what the lower gender does to bolster its delusion of superiority, however temporarily or futilely. Female-splaining (if it could exist) would done only to enlighten, on the twitters and in the paper of record. And blogs. And Facebook. And countless web pages. Oh, wait.

  5. Agammamon

    “. . . the white men . . . ”

    “. . . the white men . . . ”

    “. . . the white men . . . ”

    Its funny how this is all about ‘white men’. I’m sure the Syrian boyfriend helps out around the house, the black one never raises his voice, and the Mexican one would never invite his friends over to watch the game and expect you to bring him a beer while you hang out in the kitchen.

  6. El roam

    Thanks for the post . Being a feminist , bears also ( to some extent at least ) a global or universal responsibility , concerning abuse or oppression of women all over the world ( just for being woman ) . So , just to shed some light on that dimension :

    Women in other parts of the world , are treated in manners , beyond one human most extreme horrific imagination . In South Sudan for Example , reward or payment are made to soldiers , by granting permission for raping women . In many Muslim countries , they are considered inferior creatures : no permission to drive , or to be elected to governance positions and so forth…. Let alone , trafficking women for sexual enslavement ( I have understood , that you don’t let links appear here in comments , so , can’t just put it for illustrations ) .

    In many cultures ( too many ) , there is , a strict perception , that men are superiors on women ( even in the US ) . Can the respectable author of the post , indicate , even one culture , one state , where , women are considered superiors on men ?? beyond unusual individual perception of course , well , I doubt it !! So , inequality is inherent !! In the US , of course far greater better , yet , globally thinks suck !!


      1. El roam

        Jim ,

        I just wonder , whether , a mercy killing , would even somehow , benefit , a moron like you . It is hard to believe , that a person , can upload such senseless comment . You know what , you and those retarded commentators : ” cthulhu ” and : ” Billy Bob ” down there , could simply search in Google , and copy / past whatsoever here , it would have more sense , maybe a porn text , maybe from : ” cicciolina and the snake ” , or other stars , it would be the same fucking crap .

        farewell jerks …

          1. El roam


            In the world you live in, a person gets paid for commenting for a noble cause. I wonder , what is the silly and cruel background of your entire history .
            However , and whatsoever , one possibility yet persists ( and good one ) :

            You have ignored my primary and constitutional comment, and concentrated on the later one, where I had to shake some crazy jerks and sociopaths trying to fuck with me. Clearly , you have confused , between the aggressor and the victim , why is that ?

            It is very simple :

            You have been beaten all your life , by your parents one may guess . You have absorbed such level of violence, for every little goddamn thing, even dropping some milk on the floor.

            As such, your perception of the world, has entirely to do, with violence. So, in your crazy world, victims and aggressors are one !! No distinction whatsoever !! You need to see a shrink , no doubt !! Don’t hesitate about it!!

            See you around ….

            1. Agammamon

              Why do you use commas like that? It makes reading anything you write a greater chore than it needs to be.

              My personal stance on using ‘eccentric’ grammar and punctuation is that the post had better be damn interesting/insightful enough to be worth parsing or I’m just showing contempt for my audience.

          2. Patrick Maupin

            It would seem that El roam speaks for him/her/itself. But now my imagination is working overtime, trying to picture the sort of mad political scientist who would hire El roam as a henchperson. There’s got to be a novel there somewhere.

          3. Sacho

            Self-righteousness is its own reward. But your premise is flawed; some of the most vocal feminists online are men, feminists do not speak for women, and El roam does not speak for feminists.

  7. cthulhu

    It’s fascinating how much these so-called “feminists” sound like Nurse Ratched. Hell, HRC went there on CNN – remember the comment about how she knew how to deal with men that get off the reservation?

  8. Billy Bob

    “Can the respectable author of the post , indicate , even one culture , one state , where , women are considered superiors on men ?? beyond unusual individual perception of course , well , I doubt it !! So , inequality is inherent !! In the US , of course far greater better , yet , globally thinks suck !! ”

    aRE YOU ON DRUGS, or MeReLy InSaNe? To quote the host, who may be out to lunch or perhaps taking a nap, “We’re sure there is a kernel of intelligent thought there, but we have no idea what it is, or might be?”

    1. Billy Bob

      Supposed to be u/ EL Roam above. You may edit, as per rules. I’m a little fired up tonite. It’s that time-change thing which throws me off. Ha.

          1. Billy Bob

            Incoherent?!? The thought never entered my mind. No, no, and no. Especially after the sequels. We still have faith that there might, just might, be a kernel of truth hiding in there somewhere. Ha.
            It’s not comfortable for me to make fun of a serious topic such as this. I like to sleep easy. It’s not easy being sleazy, not one iota. Just ask the Jersey mob! And do not compare me with the Oscar. We know where you’re comin’ from! Ha.

          2. El roam

            David Meyer-Lindenberg ,

            Why don’t you take first your pills , And then we shall consider the next phase , maybe a mental asylum . It would be more efficient , for such desperate state as you are in …. Get lost from my sight …… don’t fuck with me here !!

    2. Sacho

      SHG must approve comments before they appear here, so I can only conclude he’s having a laugh at our expense. That, or maybe El roam is his secret alter ego.

  9. Kage Sasurai

    I’m 95% sure El Roam is a bot that has not been programmed with proper grammar rules. I suggest you not ban him as it would ruin some grad student’s experiment in “Artificial Unintelligence” if it were not allowed to roam free on the internet and become even more stupid than it is.

    1. Patrick Maupin

      Aetna has done a good job of conflating this idea of a bot in the uncanny valley with Suzy’s idea that some things are done to make women look bad. Aetna has a “virtual assistant” and you can “Ask Ann”. “Ann” is pictured as a moderately attractive black woman. Unfortunately for the perception of both blacks and women, the pasty-faced pimply teenaged brogrammers who created Ann made it infuriatingly stupid and useless, and the brogrammers’ PC managers apparently made them make Ann admonish you to be polite when you tell it exactly how stupid it is.

  10. El roam

    I am a man , simple man . Watching closely global international crimes and atrocities . In this regard ,Notwithstanding the issue of feminism in normal societies , women suffer as primary victims . Period !! those are simple ugly facts !! That is all !!

    I was only trying to draw some attention to it , The conditions of US women are far as hell from being any parameter in this regard , while you can’t be , a US feminist , strictly so , only so , feminism , has to do with universal perception ( at least to some extent ) .

    A simple moment of sober reminder , has become a crazy blow up in that post . crazy conspiracies crisscrossing here , lacking utmost basic politeness . What is wrong with so many jerks in this world ?? No compassion , no mercy , the slightest sensitivity to atrocities committed all around .

    Agammamon and Kage Sasurai ,

    Spare us your stupid observations on grammar, you don’t know nothing about grammar, linguistics, proper English, it is too big and crazy for your size, trust your Christ!!

    rxc6422 ,

    It didn’t even cross your mind , that I am a man ?? You wouldn’t bother even to ask ?? let alone politely ?? Of course !! after seeing over and over , endless times , your father , beating your mother , for nothing out of nothing , and then : beating you , the living shit out of you ,on daily basis , over and over , no wonder !!

  11. albeed


    Thank you (this time) for posting El Roam’s comments. It reminds us of the “comments” that you must have to put up with daily, maybe including this comment.

    1. SHG Post author

      Heh. I’m just watching and having some fun. This has been relatively benign. You have no idea what I see, and save you from seeing.

      1. Dragoness Eclectic

        While I may not always agree with your opinions, thank you for moderating aggressively. I’ve seen what sewers once-interesting blogs descend into when not moderated.

    2. Billy Bob

      Every so often, a commenter comes along who “captures the imagination”. Newer readers may have missed Carl David Cedar, the “lawyer” from Texas who provided us with a couple of days of sh!ts and giggles. That was a few years ago. Feel free to search the archives. Normally, SHG would be all over the most offensive/stewpid submissions like a rash. Here, the Host has held back and let em rip. Close, but no cigars! CDC still wins the prize for sheer audacity, not to mention tenacity.

      In any case, “feminists” Dunhan and Filipovic have a lot to learn. A terrific–to use one of The Donald’s favorite words–backlash may be brewing. Us single white guys from the hinterlands and flyover country hear a distant thunder. We trust the Roaming One is not a lawyer. God save the Queen.

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