Here are a few unsolicited opinions, offered by a likely unqualified person on the internet, which no rational person should give a damn about unless they agree with said opinions.
If you walk up and down every aisle of a grocery store and don’t actually purchase an item from each aisle, you’re the Kroger equivalent of a mall walker and deserve to be treated as such.
Texting is ruining human communication. What reasonable person spends time typing words out with their thumbs when you can accomplish the same goal in less time with a phone call? It’s getting out of hand. We have birthday texts, holiday texts, group texts, and more. There’s even “sexting,” which becomes problematic when kids do it. Just stop now.
And don’t get me started on emojis. Bitmojis, Memojis, it’s all getting out of hand. We’re a hair’s breadth away from communicating by grunts and digital cave paintings.
Here’s a good idea for making money. As retail outlets and malls start to close, someone needs to create a virtual reality mall walking simulator for mall walkers. Then they’ll have a place to congregate when Amazon shuts down the local mall.
There’s still a thing in this world called “comedic exaggeration.” If someone says “(Person X) can either hang himself or blow me,” they aren’t actually inviting someone to commit suicide or consenting to oral sex. I may be wrong about the latter, but I don’t judge people on their sexual preferences.
We’re using names as descriptors too much these days. There’s far too many “Karens” and “Chads,” and people are “Stanning” for things. Let’s return to precise language and call people what they are: entitled bitches, gym-bro assholes, and nerds.
Racism isn’t under every rock and not every statement is racially charged. Saying someone’s “so tough they could strap a bucket of fried chicken to their back and ride through Ethiopia on a motor-scooter” isn’t racist, it’s just in bad taste.
“Ok Boomer” might work as an insult on Twitter, but say it to the wrong one in real life and you’ll probably (deservedly) get knocked on your ass.
Here’s a fun thing to try. The next time you’re at the grocery store, turn your cart backwards as you go through the checkout line. What the fuck is anyone going to do about it?
A constipated geriatric is someone who’s literally too old for this shit.
If someone’s too old for this shit, that could also mean they don’t give a shit. It could mean they’re tired of your shit or sick of your shit, even if they’re full of energy and perfectly healthy.
No one ever said taking stock advice from a homeless man was a bad idea. Until now. Yep, I said it.
Fighting never solved anything. It did help jumpstart our nation, but sure, go ahead and believe the pacifists.
I’m not saying correlation equals causation, but we gave women the right to vote and two World Wars broke out.
Give happiness a chance. No one out there preaching doom and gloom is living a fulfilling life. You might actually enjoy yourself if you just try happiness. Once.
Loose lips sink ships, end careers, and launch impeachments.
Let’s call “Hot Takes” what they really are: unsolicited opinions.
And finally, the opinions expressed are solely those of one guy on the internet. They do not reflect the opinion of Simple Justice, its proprietor, and shouldn’t be taken seriously anyway.
Unless you agree with me.