When we last left your humble humorist, he was touring Uzbekistan helping legless pig farmers resettle into their native homeland. Vowing a vacation on his return, we now rejoin our intrepid adventurer…

SHG:

This is the worst vacation ever, and I had to spend an entire week with the in-laws once.

So the IDEA was for me to return from Uzbekistan to the States by way of Florida, where I would meet my family and enjoy a nice little beach trip prior to Thanksgiving. Continue reading →

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Friday Funny to bring you my unsolicited thoughts on the second season of “Tiger King,” the Netflix docuseries about a gay meth-head country singer who once owned a bunch of tigers.

The following will contain plenty of SPOILERS (which I am advised I’m to type in all caps for those who believe such warnings necessary), so if you’re really interested in taking in the whole experience for yourself, come back to this post after watching the five episodes. For the rest of you with better things to do, read on! Continue reading →

Dear SHG:

Greetings from an undisclosed location in Southeast Asia!

I think you got a little confused when I emailed you last about me taking time off from the Friday Funny. I didn’t say anything about “finding inner peace.” That part of the email actually said “striving for synergy.” It’s okay, I misread things sometimes too.

Anyway, I’m overseas right now with an NGO helping repatriate legless Uzbekistani pig farmers. It’s a bigger problem than you’d think! Continue reading →

After much wailing and gnashing of teeth Tuesday, when progressive and leftist campaigns suffered losses in election races around the country, top Democratic strategists met Wednesday and Thursday to discuss how the party would regroup for the 2022 midterms.

“I don’t understand why we didn’t handily win Virginia,” one strategist sulked. “We did everything right! We told the concerned parents they were crazy racists who bought into conspiracy theories Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson peddle nightly!” Continue reading →

Prefatory note: Someone apparently had a rotten couple of weeks at the National School Board Association. My hacker contact “BlueDragon72” passed along this copy of a draft apology letter the NSBA planned to send to parents. After reading it you’ll see why they changed things.—CLS

Dear Parents:

By now you’ve probably heard about a troubling letter sent to Attorney General Merrick Garland by someone from our offices equating parents attending school board meetings with domestic terrorists. This letter also said “hate crimes” were being perpetrated by parents attending school board meetings. Continue reading →

So last week was a bit of a feel good story involving my two children.

Today, not so much. You see, last Friday I really did have to take both kids to the dentist’s office for their annual cleaning and exam.

We scheduled the session for a Friday on Fall Break so both Mom and I could attend. Due to COVID restrictions, the dentist’s office told us prior to coming that only one parent would be allowed in the exam area with the kids. Continue reading →

I signed my son up for karate this week. He’s finally into sports, and one that won’t (theoretically) give him a concussion or turn him into a toxic-masculinity-fueled youthful super-predator. Theoretically.

He deserves it. I’m proud to say attempt #2 at child rearing produced a selfless young man with incredible heart and a level of polite manners that would turn a society debutante’s head. Karate was the one thing yours truly could get behind that he really seemed to enjoy.

So I guess I’m a karate dad now. Continue reading →

What would a place like Nextdoor—the neighborhood social media app designed to bring neighbors together—look like if it had a section for clarifications, updates, retractions, and amplifications? I took a moment to suss out how such a feature would look.

Richard Stepman of Oyster Bay, Long Island, New York would really appreciate it if neighbors stopped calling his son, Richard Junior, “Little Dicky.” While the joke was funny at last week’s block party, the name calling is getting old, and both Richards would prefer it stop. Continue reading →

Family law is a squishy area to discuss. Criminal defense is neat and tidy by comparison. In criminal law, it’s the client and counsel against the might of the government. Family law, by comparison, is an area where everyone’s expected to get along in an incredibly hostile environment.

Attorneys and clients who go through a Family Law case of any sort unknowingly walk into a metaphorical meat grinder. Marital dissolutions and child custody cases will suck the life out of the most battle-hardened lawyer, and leave all parties scarred and jaded for their efforts. Continue reading →

Happy Friday, everyone! Here’s to a great weekend, and checks calendar

Oh. It’s October. Joy of all joys.

I can’t begin to tell all of you how much your humble humorist cherishes the month of October. I’m practically over here jumping with joy. Continue reading →