ONE. A letter never sent.

SHG:

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits, because I’ve got a bone to pick with the universe, and you’re the closest thing I’ve got to a cosmic complaint department. You see, I thought I could escape the madness of this writer’s strike in LA, but my grand plan went awry. And whose fault is that? Nobody’s but my own, I suppose. But still, I’d like to vent. Continue reading →

ONE: A conversation that almost certainly didn’t happen.

SHG: Hey Chris, heard you’re planning to join the TV and film writers on strike in LA?

Chris: Yeah, I’m gonna do designer drugs and throw cans of soup at art to show my solidarity.

SHG: Hmm, that’s one way to do it. But just so you know, AI can write your columns if you run off to LA.*

Chris: What? You’re saying a robot can replace me? Continue reading →

I recently started watching the NBC singing competition “The Voice” while dealing with some family issues. The following are my thoughts on the season so far.

Blake Shelton’s kind of a dick. I can’t tell whether he’s trying hard to be a curmudgeon, an aging rocker, the cool dad or a combination of the three. His dickish nature seems to be a response to the presence of Kelly Clarkson, who apparently loves to fight with Blake constantly. Continue reading →

Happy Saint Paddy’s Day, dear readers! This year, the holiday where everyone is Irish falls at the tail end of Spring Break, so expect many dumb college kids puking in the streets of every destination town you can find. Worry not, you can still celebrate Saint Paddy’s in peaceful merriment.

We celebrate Saint Paddy’s day around these parts pretty much every day, depending on the mood, but today is a great day to reconnect with half my roots. My family’s half Scottish, half Irish, so we get all of the good traits from both lands without the desire to wear kilts.*

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Continue reading →

[Prefatory note: This week we’re doing a song parody of the Bob Newman/Buck Owens classic “Pfft You Were Gone,” arguably made famous by the show “Hee-Haw.” Here’s a link to the song if you aren’t familiar with it.

Cheers
–CLS] Continue reading →

A Greek and an Irishman are sitting in a cafe arguing over whose culture is superior.

The Greek sips on his latte and says, “My people built impressive temples to the sun and moon!”

“Aye,” says the Irishman, “and the Irish discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“My people were some of the finest mathematicians the world has ever known,” the Greek continues, “and they came up with the measurements we use for time!”

“That may be true,” says his companion, “but the Irish invented the first timepieces.” Continue reading →

I should probably start this week with an apology. I’m in a mood. This happens to me every once in a while, and the only thing I can really do to get rid of it is motherfuck somebody into next week. My sainted grandmother, God rest her soul, used to call this mood of mine “getting a case of the red ass.“

This week’s target of my ire are dinks. “DINK” is an acronym for “dual income, no kids.” if you ask me, it’s also a shorthand for selfish brats with zero desire to accomplish anything with their lives. Like I said, it’s just my opinion. Continue reading →

Who’s responsible for the success of professional wrestling? Is it “Stone Cold” Steve Austin? Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? Or is it someone like Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea?

Friends, I submit to you the guy most responsible for keeping professional wrestling alive is none other than “Mr. Wrestling,” Tim Woods. What he did back in the 1970s not only kept a major promotion alive, it cemented in the minds of fans that “kayfabe,” or the notion that wrestling was a legitimate sport, was something in which they could place their trust. Continue reading →

Prefatory Note: For those of you who might be new around here, I’ve got a hacker contact that sends me regular batches of emails Sheriff Roy composes on his office computer.

The Sheriff’s got lousy cybersecurity. Anyway, enjoy a look at what’s been on his mind this year!—CLS

January 1, 2023
FROM: Templeton, Roy ([email protected])
TO: ALL DEPARTMENTS
SUBJECT: New Year’s Vision Board Issue Continue reading →

A crowd gathered at Garage 16 on a cold January night in Mud Lick.

The air was thick with the smell of booze and cigarettes, a change from the normal odors of oil and machinery. The crowd surrounded the shop floor and all but four men stayed out of a ring drawn around the floor.

Inside the white circle was a barrel. Atop the barrel sat a small flip chart capable of displaying the numbers 00-99. “Warming up” in their own unique ways in the circle were Stan and George Cocke, the Cocke Boys. Continue reading →