Who’s responsible for the success of professional wrestling? Is it “Stone Cold” Steve Austin? Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? Or is it someone like Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea?

Friends, I submit to you the guy most responsible for keeping professional wrestling alive is none other than “Mr. Wrestling,” Tim Woods. What he did back in the 1970s not only kept a major promotion alive, it cemented in the minds of fans that “kayfabe,” or the notion that wrestling was a legitimate sport, was something in which they could place their trust. Continue reading →

Prefatory Note: For those of you who might be new around here, I’ve got a hacker contact that sends me regular batches of emails Sheriff Roy composes on his office computer.

The Sheriff’s got lousy cybersecurity. Anyway, enjoy a look at what’s been on his mind this year!—CLS

January 1, 2023
FROM: Templeton, Roy ([email protected])
TO: ALL DEPARTMENTS
SUBJECT: New Year’s Vision Board Issue Continue reading →

A crowd gathered at Garage 16 on a cold January night in Mud Lick.

The air was thick with the smell of booze and cigarettes, a change from the normal odors of oil and machinery. The crowd surrounded the shop floor and all but four men stayed out of a ring drawn around the floor.

Inside the white circle was a barrel. Atop the barrel sat a small flip chart capable of displaying the numbers 00-99. “Warming up” in their own unique ways in the circle were Stan and George Cocke, the Cocke Boys. Continue reading →

When Melissa Rauch, formerly “Bernadette” of the syndicated sitcom “The Big Bang Theory,” announced her next project would be a reboot of “Night Court,” I raised an eyebrow. When Rauch announced she would be an executive producer in addition to starring in the series, I blinked a couple of times in surprise. Any fan of the original series that lasted over a decade will gladly tell you stepping into Harry Anderson’s chambers for Manhattan Criminal Court Part 2 is an extremely tall order for any actor.

Which is why Rauch’s approach—calling this new series a “newboot”—works so well. In fact, two episodes in and I already feel at home in that dingy courtroom again. Continue reading →

“I thought I made it clear no cell phones are allowed in my courtroom!”

Judge Marvin Hullander’s face registered equal parts befuddlement and annoyance when he saw James Benjamin set a device that looked like an iPhone at the defense table.

“If I may, your honor?” a voice came from the back of the courtroom. A well-dressed man raised his hand and proceeded to make his way forward. “Stan Sampson, President of Advanced Idea Mechanics. What Mr. Benjamin has in front of him isn’t a cell phone. It’s his attorney.”

“Do what now?” Judge Hullander sputtered. Continue reading →

Oh look, it’s a new year. Did you miss me, dear readers? I sure missed you.

I said I was going on vacation in my last post of 2022 and I meant it. We’ve been trying to do family vacations since 2019 around the holidays when Dr. S and her sister swindled their parents into taking everyone to Hawaii after Christmas. Continue reading →

When one looks back at the year 2022, it’ll be safe to say this year was remembered as one where we put aside our collective differences, came together for the betterment of humanity, and took a collective leap forward as a species.

SURPRISE! None of that actually happened. Instead, we got more finger pointing, blaming of elected and unelected idiots for our woes, wars, and general unrest not just in America but across the globe.

At least we didn’t get a pandemic this year. No, we moved onto the Current Thing after COVID in 2022, which is at least a bit of progress. More on that later. Continue reading →

My mean-ass editor wrote a post earlier this week outlining San Francisco’s recent decision to use remote controlled “killer robots” to beef up their police force. Being something of a fan of the sci-fi genre, I pointed out in the film “Terminator: Salvation” Skynet — the artificial intelligence villain of the Terminator series of films — was actually based in what remained of San Francisco. At the time, I made the remark that police using killer robots was essentially one step closer to Skynet becoming self-aware. Continue reading →

It was the time of year when most folks gave thanks for what they had, stuffed themselves, and watched a bit of football in the evening after a good meal. In Sheriff Roy’s household, however, the mood was tense as Arlene sat out place cards the Sheriff didn’t particularly care for.

“ROY TEMPLETON. PRONOUNS HE/HIM/HIS” read the Sheriff’s place card. Continue reading →

[Note: Since the subject of today’s piece lacks any sense of humor and I’m not trying to get arrested, today’s content is brought to you by the word “Parody.” P-A-R-O-D-Y is the defens—I mean the excuse for today’s jokes. Parody. Back to it—CLS]

Good day to all the Simple Justice readers out there. I am Sergeant Bruce D. Cthunts, Public Information Officer for the Parma, Ohio Police Department. I want to take a moment to thank Chris Seaton and Scott Greenfield, two fine men of American letters, great public intellectuals, and snappy dressers to boot, for giving me the space today to address the incident that has our Department’s name in national news again. Continue reading →